Poem written on my way home today

"SPACES "


There are spaces between my head, heart, soul and my breath
They are the spaces where I can survive
Like the nooks of an ancient tree

Spaces that I can saturate with happy memories
That I leave unbarred in all weathers
As within these small places, I can switch off everything from this 3D life

The gaps are at times, slight,
like the seems between you're favourite jumper
Or as vast as the stretch between each coming wave of the ocean.
But no matter the breadth
I trust the matter

And as I stood within the pouring rain
No shelter did I seek
Thunderous, all encompassing
Saturating
The type that lands and resides inside the centre of your bones
So deep and so cleansing
There is no question that you have been washed pure
Untainted

And as the lightning placed its memory behind my eyes
Where even my own mind blurs the vision
And penetrated my ears
Where once upon I couldn't hear
I heard the power speak to me
And with no further resistance
I submitted

I respected
Related
Repented.....
Not to your God
Not to any God
Because no God belongs to anyone
But to a place that I knew
Understood me....

And to feel this?
To feel emersed
To trust in
To give power to.........
A smaller ego and love is all that's needed....
❤️

Be careful of your words
For as they fall, they manifest
In the heart of the receiver
Who's emotionally undressed

Forever a disappointment
Eternally desperate to prove
As piece by piece they realise
If not perfect.............they lose.

Persistence hangs as stalactites
To please, to please, to please
But failure to get it perfect
The pain is never released

Be careful of your words
For as they fall, they manifest
In the heart of the receiver
Who's emotionally undressed

Poem,

A big part of someone's everything;

He is the magnet that draws back the tears
Until it safe for them to spill
and drop to his finger tips gently
although, against my will

I wrote of him one day when my mind was still
Sent the words to those that believed
That within a mind so troublesome
Sunshine, would be conceived

A moth, I made of myself
As a flame he became in my eyes
And as I burnt the tips of my wings
From their ashes I knew I'd survive

He is missed, deep beneath
where my heart meets my soul
Where my madness is tamed by his light
And his stitches make me whole

Broken parts of memory remind me
Of a time before he was near
When my skin wore an insanity
Parading to those who came near

There are people that keep us graceful
And journeys that make us whole
And a presence that can't been seen
But when felt, can fill the hole

His stitching gives me strength
To wear my older pain with pride
I can live, I can love, I can survive
As long as nearby, he resides.

Climbing up the sides
Reaching for clarity
The pills vacate my blood
Withdrawal is insanity

Scratching at the walls
As they close behind my eyes
Swimming in tsunamis
Ripping tides
Muffle my cries

A temporary bandaid
To stitch over the pain
Every second
every day
My body rendered
Trapped
Detained

I relent
And they rock me gently
As I slip into a dream
Where I can run, jump and dance
Not break and bleed at the seems

But the body needs to rest
From these soul destroying treats
So I'll abstain
Refrain
Remain
True turmoil
No easy feat

Then a week has passed by
And the world regains familiarity
A deep breath
And a stretch to the sun
Full of possibilities
And new clarity....

Menopause taboo...

And this time of life for me
An invasion of body
Of soul and of mind
Has stripped me of my Identity
It has been cruel, unjust
and unkind

Retreating into myself
seems the only chance
of survival
Wearing a smile  
plastered on as a clown
Since this torturous arrival

I find it hard not being alone
Never really feeling at peace
My voice seeping under the stones
I'm anxious of my heart
My decisions
As nightmares of
great tsunamis
invade what little sleep
I seek

The shame and guilt
Hold onto me
Like old familiar friends
Fear, pain, anxiety
Those who have preceded me
And those yet to arrive
Don't seem to comprehend

And all this just from loneliness
That no one understands
The symptoms that walk beside
of it
Brushed away like grains of sand

A privileged life I've led
Which silences me to not
complain
So I write at 3am
For fear I might go insane

(Snake eyes)

Step over
I want to see through your
Snake eyes
Let me see what you fail to hide
Crack open your lies and greed
Expose what's hiding inside

Behind your facade of sorrow
Lies a soul that's bitter and black
The ******* you wear of honour
To conceal before you attack

The persona you created
Is permeated
with a gluttony for money
and pelf
You're redolent of deception
Dishonesty
Bad liver
and a ****** dark health

I can see through you
Snake eyes
Now your camouflage
is gradually failing
The cracks are slicing your veins
As your lies begin derailing

You'll never know happiness
Snake eyes
You'll never feel loved or respected
You're doomed to spend eternity
Snake eyes
In your darkness
A hell only you created

Living in a flat
Above the old print house
Lived old Madame Jelly
And her cat
Whose name was Mouse

No knocks on her door
No mail through her box
Her calendar was empty
Like the holes in her socks

She knitted tiny clothes
For the mice under her bed
And wrote funny books
From the pictures in her head

The children on her street
Thought her a witch of brilliant white
But no-one ever saw her
She was always out of sight

People left her gifts
Of wool and such delights
She'd send the mice to fetch them
In the darkness of the night

It is said if you saw her
And looked into her eyes
That she'd cure your broken heart
Legend says
She's of the wise

But I saw her once
As she looked up to the skies
And when she saw me
She winked
Then turned into butterflies

Some mysteries should be unsolved
Some stories, remain unheard
But I'll never forget the day
Her butterflies became a bird 🦋