You always trusted that adult
With life figured out.
As you got older
You became that adult
With nothing figured out

The tides thrash violently
With quick indecisiveness,
Incoherently teetering with
Abrasive candor.

The storm cleaves through
Swiftly and unremitting.
Callous destruction
Wavering into tranquility.    

Calm and serene
Still water under a tentative sun,
Decidedly not blue.
Fictitious placid waters,
Hide a tumultuous storm brewing.

It chases me;
Waiting to ambush and attack,
Nerves overtaking my chest,
Avoiding to  impress.
Why can’t I just act like the rest?

Bruised and battered,
Used and old,
But you’re so beautiful
Every scar, scratch a story told
So perfect, yet so many scars.
Why can’t I just see like the rest?

Scared and afraid of what to come,
Afraid of more scars.
Useless and imperfect
I want to be perfect;
But there is no undoing a scar.
Why can’t I just heal like the rest?

When you lie to yourself,
It hurts the most;
Trying to smile away the shame,
Disappointing a past self.
A past shell of myself grasping,
Gnawing at my own expectations.
I need to be like the rest.

I want to die
But I can not right now
It’s scary and forever
But it is sounding so nice
Right now

It’s overwhelming and
I feel frustration
On a daily rotation
I cry and complain

You're always there for me
I feel like I am emotionally
Draining to you my dear
I want to not feel this way
But everything feels not ok

Please take away this feeling
Because I feel way too much
It is like I am always overfilling
Emotions always cloud my day
I get stressed and I can not focus
On really anything or anyone that matters

I feel selfish and annoying and rude
I can not help it and I am sorry
I feel useless and I want out
I want to not exist but also have a happy
oh so happy life.
Please fix me, please save me,
I’m so scared without you.

I saw myself in you
But I did not want to.
You had problems
And you still do.
This does not make me
Love you less.
I am scared of being
Someone I love but
Not someone I like.
It hurts to say
Because i know
That you love me.
A broken relationship
One that wants to mend.

I am scared and want to say why,
But you will not hear or even listen.
You have made your decision,
Even counting all the broken promises.

I want to help and say I love you;
But I can not help on a loop,
Especially if you will not accept it.
Please just see all I want is you back.

I need to take a step away,
I am exhausted and will not fight.
Emotionally drained,
Mom please just come back.

Time passes by
And does not wait.
Consistently though,
Patiently you care

Years ago
When we met in math,
All we could do was
Smile and laugh

Years to come
We still share laughs
Silliness and seriousness
Forever we will last.