Confidence is free
Your ego just wants to compete
Fully loaded, Let me spill
The Faded past and
the hopeful future
tears of joy and laughter
I dream big
Bigger than my heart
But that’s alright
Minds twirling around these melodies
Intertwined by our memories
Aroused by your scent
And seduced by your mind
Always stumbling on my time
Hold my hand
Light the spliff
Inhale
Exhale
I think the vibe is too much
My heart is on fire
You complete me.

We either become sadder
Or our heart beats become louder
My heart,
My heart is eating so fast my bones are tingling
Vibrating through my veins
My blood stream is failing
I think too much
I don’t pray enough
Lost touch with the angels
The angels lost me
Forgetting this
Words are words by choice
Awkwardly complicated
Passionate souls intertwined in chaos
Beautiful chaos
My hands are shaking, they can’t stand still
I overdo it with coffee, I over did it.
Can’t handle my life sober
So much ****** up **** in the world
Smart people seem like crazy people to dumb people
And if you believe you can change the world
You’re one of a kind.

My favorite  forms of intimacy
consists of
vulnerability between a soul you can trust
showing up when needed
spending time sharing ideas
watching  films/ reading books
speaking openly
asking questions
sight seeing
kissing and cuddling
and wherever that leads
sharing and creating
not forgetting where the love is no matter the space or time
I love a man that can touch me without using his hands
help me learn ways to love myself
I think I've just learned to trust my tongue
more than I am interested in protecting myself from being judged
I don't overthink when I write anymore.
I just write.

What is my biggest insecurity?
Not giving enough where I can
and know I should.
Some insecurities
I am still trying to find words to
Maybe some light too
Being loved can be scary,
and I shy away from people who love me
too quickly
You ever been heart broken?
betrayal is universal
I have felt the teeth of love for sure
Spiritual awakening is about surrender
we lead most of our lives trying to control outcomes
and in doing so
we inject and project ourselves into other peoples choices
to secure the narrative of control
but when you let go of this desire to be right all the time
or control outcomes
something else seeks you
manifest within chaos
emotions are my identity
just please adore me when
I cant love myself.

People romanticize their plans
and the potential benefits
but dread the execution.
The magic you're look for
is in the work you're  avoiding baby.

You can half *** many things in life
&
Justify to self why it's acceptable
but the love you give
&
The love you receive should never be one of those things.

baby this vibe
is all I needed
I didn't need to be subjected  to our desire
to combine these fantasies
after all is this lust or love?
questioning my appearance used to be a habit
now my aura speaks volumes
I overcame the path of being delusional
came across puddles of confusion
I realized that the path of success
evolved through the struggle
I'm a real one
I think you're hip.

My soul said to just keep writing
Words dripping down my spine
Occupied in the light
Be still my soul
Players only love you when they're playing
Sitcoms of my love story
I haven't been around much
But
Love at first sight
On & on
You say
That i'm crazy
Trying to
Write love letters to myself
Everyday

I'm terrified
I mumble  
And i reveal
Protesting my emotions
Was I keen to learn too quick.

Worthy
And satisfied
Strange and beautiful
This feeling wasn't miniature
I would love to be around your love again
I fancy who you are
Scrambled upon the words
Im orderly
Im temperamental
And i can be frail at times
We are jam baby
We make sweet music together
So i can't sprint these words
I will forever cherish the times we’ve had
I  will never dispute them

Unbiased
But im crowned
Famed
But i wish to be celebrated
My life is always tumbling
But I'm pleased by
How well I come out of the struggle
Lifeless, but breathing
Thankful
A couple of words here and there
I've vanished to another dimension
Anxiety

Midnight blues
Pink moscato
A shot of henny
And i wonder
Do you feel the things i do
Dreaming of elegance
Can i be loved again ?
Small steps
Long  journey
Trying to reconcile
tradition and change.

You still don’t understand where I belong
Overbooked
Overextended
Overcommitted
Lady, hear me tonight
I  wish i was twirling in love with you
I'm still trying to  get over the concept
That our love will never be enough
Poetry is justifying everything
That I want to leave behind
Don't do this to me
Again,

This is all beyond you
Candles lit after midnight
I always seem to forget the parts
No one ever notices
Limited edition
My poems are bruised
My heart is always in battle
My mind tends to always lead
Poetry
Red wine
Jazz tones within me
Chapter 78
I often think that the night is more alive
I know I have friends
But I feel like I have no one to talk to about
The **** that goes on in my head

The rest I can do without
Your future self is watching you right now
Through your memories
Make me proud
Make them proud
Make god proud
Children of darkness
You’re the kind of soul
That stirs up magic in others
Maybe 10 years from now we’ll meet again at a coffee shop down the road
And start over
This is not a love story
It’s a tragedy
It seems that every time I have lost myself
I end up coming back
With more of myself than before

I think one of the hardest lessons to learn
In life
Is that no matter how good you are to people,
It will never make them good to you

How empty everything seems lately
But my red wine is always full
What a night
What a life
Too much of me
Is often lost
In the vision of what somebody else wanted me to be
Powerful closure
Think about where you were last year
Are you satisfied?
Learning to  pick yourself up after  going through ****
Is such an important thing
That no one ever teaches you
Do not beg anyone to love you
You are worth the war
And the storm
And the calm
Just always be honest with your script.

No matter how  much you are afraid to be alone
One day you have to walk alone to know your worth
You stopped saying your goodnights
And that’s  when I knew I’ve lost you
I want more women to experience love that doesn’t involve suffering first
And being glorified later.

I am not sure if this is heartbreak
Or it’s the ending to something that needed to be done

Change the world
Start somewhere
Or start new
Not sure where I’m going
But I am on my way
Selected poems only
De-javu
You and me
Can you see the compassion in my eyes?
Would you ever redeem the lost lover?
To comprehend the present
The shivering touches of her words
Love is like water or the air
I hope you choose mine
Over and over and over again

YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID!!
- Even if you are not the one suffering the most in the situation
- Even when other people also have valid needs or concerns
- Needs and needing to be heard are not exclusive to one person at a time. All needs and voices are - equally - important (including yours)
- For your brain health/development your voice needs (and deserves) to be heard.
- If you ignore/hide your needs and/or feelings even for the sake of others it does not end up “just fine.” In fact, these hurts/unmet needs stay and you WILL have to deal with them someday. And if you don’t, you will eventually get scarred or crashing because your brain and heart need health and healing too!
So, don’t keep silent. It is still “nice” to allow your own existing and needs.

Facts over feelings
Either you love the broken heart or,
leave it as such
but,
Don't break it more.
I am clarity and confusion
never enough and always too  much
too often you sink me in words dripping with tequila
keep speaking your beautiful truth
I tell myself
I fall in love with details too often
Trying to find ways to make myself happy
that don't start with you and don't end with you.
here we are smothering each other in I love yous
however
when was the last time I felt you place a kiss on my forehead
and mean it?

Maybe I am trying to take you  home
I never knew the motion
baby let me be your notion
however you want
however you like
however you need
let me give you fresh air to breathe
I don't want to keep in on the low
I want to be seen
I want to be felt
I refuse to be startled by deep feelings
I refuse to be pushed aside
naked poetry
naked words
I need you to not only see these scars
I need you to understand every dent
who did you wrong?
probably myself
along with
a broken heart.

Effortless as I sat down being amused by your chaos
It was not what you did to me, but it was what you didn’t do for me
Fully sexually fulfilled, I was always starving
You kept me full, never feeling dull
And now, as I glance upon your chaos
Your beautiful heartache chaos
I had now realized what being aroused was
Sexually, mentally , physically, emotionally
I was so quick to demand more
It was improbable.

I was confused at the way I have been handling things. Ironically I thought I would stick around to find out what love truly was. I never felt loved in my past life, and here it is, this man patiently waiting for me to love him back. How ironic was it that the man I’ve been praying for came around and found me.  Am I allowed to prance around this concept that I found someone who tries to find ways to make me happy. Isn’t that love after all, to find those able to mend your bones into one. The love that helps you become better and find yourself.  I still debate that the love you are raised by is the love you go by. My parents and I still battle around the fact that I never felt their love with them coming up, my mother thinks I should seek help, and that its all in my head. But how is it that I never felt their love elude within me. I have searched, sacrificed, and underestimated my life due to the fact that I never felt I was good enough for them. Which later in life exults all these insecurities that I still have yet to understand how to control. I follow I pretty thin protocol, transparent really, you get what you see, and what you see you get, yet the only people I find trouble being my unpoligcally self around, that would be my parents. It’s like walking on eggshells when I am around them. I will never underestimate the level of obedience and manners I have been taught growing up, that’s a magical skill that as I’m still learning is hard to obtain. I try not to let those who don’t know how to behave, don’t even abide by the concepts of loyalty, its sad that sometimes people come around you as a warning to watch the company that surrounds you. The saddest times are when you realize that the person you ride for doesn’t ride for you the same. Sure we will forever realize that no ones carry the same heart, as you, and the way you put your heart out, no one does it like you. But where are those who are like me?  Cause lately I have been feeling so insecure about the way people have been disrespecting me, why the **** do people need to hate on you?

Back again
Speaking everything into existence
Looking for trophy’s
But will settle for real glory
If you see me
Know that I am too fighting a hard battle
Vice versa
They will never know you like me
Switching lanes
Winning games
Misbehaving politely
If you’re a true friend
Please stand up
People like you are rare
Vice versa

For you darling
Please be a good man
And give her a love story
Reaching out for glory
But I will never plead for attention
Some of you are still trying to figure me out
Maybe sometimes mysterious
But if you don’t float in the same principles
Then you will either drown, or forget who you are.
Taking it slow has always been my style
I’ve been told many secrets
That’s why I never say much
Observing has been my function
And I’m officially here to listen.
This is not a poem for the whole world
Just those willing to understand my vision.

Roll another one
Exhale another one
Bless you
Sigh
Of every type of relief
I wish you nothing
But a speedy recovery
I communicate in third person
People never want to hear your story
A couple of glasses ‘
Every night
Speeding down your heartbreak
Shaking
Cause I can never sit still
My hair is in a bun
But I still look special
Cause the angels
Always shine  down on me

Something so biased about the way women flock positively together
I haven’t came across noon
But I am hungry and I can never be fooled
Too many reasons
Behind it all
I haven’t gripped it,
I always make it complicated
Yet,
It’s always out of my control
But to each his own
Turbulence is my masterpiece
I’ve been racing myself to the finish line
Overflowing words
Overflowing emotions
I don’t need you on my mind
My head has been too heavy lately
Everything is going to be all right
To tough to ever dismiss this magic

My heart is in pain
Im not sure if its new
And i'm not sure if its old
But its receptive
And comes around quite often
Sometimes I want to be alone
Sometimes I cant be left alone
My dreams
My goals
My fears
Swim through my brain intensely
I miss those who never recognized my aura
Im just in a place in my life
Where peace is very important to me.
I need the moon to give me permission to the stars
So I can refrain from underestimating my pride
That’s why I try to find god within myself


Don’t every trust those people


That never answers your texts back until the next day,



But when you’re around them, they are glued to their phones.

You were never and will never be a priority
In their life.

Anxiety pacing
Sine when did I live in fear of being myself
You know what kind of person you were designed to be
How is the person id like to be
Act ?
And do that right?

It’s a quiet rainy day,
So I decided to write
It’s been a couple months since my mind wrote itself down
Feels like a century
I told everyone to stay away from me
I’ve been yearning for love,
IT’S OKAY IF ALL YOU TODAY WAS SURVIVE
Everything I deserve is coming my way
Indeed you still roam within the walls of my mind
But you taught me that self love is so important, because when I was all alone, praying to god to remove this sadness from my heart.
I was there for me.
Red wine to pass by the time
Poetry is the only thing that ever made sense
The freedom in fear
I pray often now
I’m in touch with the angels
And that is all that matters now.