There are people that have this ability to make people melt in their hands

They walk around  their entire lives finding their prey and engaging them and make them melt

The victim is usually rewarded with a night of rampant *** and is then dumped into this puddle when the antagonist
of this story is done with them

Sometimes it takes days for the victim to turn back into a solid substance
Sometimes it takes weeks
Sometimes they never fully turn bqck to normal and their will be a part of them that will always remain liquid because of the antagonist

Many fall victim to this antagonist

Until the protagonist comes along and upsets the routine
The protagonist cannot be melted
And it is due to this very specific favt that the antagonist ia revealed as the true protagonist of our story

That's usually a goodish enough story line that melts the audience

But people like myself who do not melt sees the true sadness in the lack of melting

We do not melt because we have been melted ao much that we went for an operation and we came out transformed
We are now metal
And I'm sorry to disappoint that antagonist/antagonist who becomes a protagonist
But the best you would ever be able to do to me is to warm my heart

I have cages below me
I float above them
My antigravitational force being my belief that I am superior
U take my blade and look at the captives in my cages
It seems to be close to feeding time
They are
Afterall
Throwing themselves agaisnt my cages
So I take out my blade
Letting them feed on the drops of blood pouring down my arm
They are sated

Lityle so they know
Ther is POSION IN MY BLOOD

HA
HA
ha
ha

Daddy! Daddy! Can I be a superhero when I grow up? Like superman. Or batman!*

of course you can. You cqn be anything you want

We no longer dream
I always wanted to be flash
Or the green lantern
I went through I spiderman phase but that passed

Then I grew up a little bit
And I wanted to be batman
I mean he is the only feasible superhero
His gadgets are possible
His martial arts are possible
As a whole he can actually happen
That's why I loved him
I still wanted to be a superhero

I no longer think it's possible
It would be fun to have laser eyes
Or sick fighting moves
But it's just a dream.....
So knowing its not possible
So we stop dreaming
We might want to save everybody
But we know its not possible

We just drove through a small town
It was fascinating
Fascinatingly morbid
Morbidly surreal
There were probably 10+ plots that were haphazardly converted into graveyards
'Ratchet' as my generation would think but not say because that would be 'disrespectful to the dead'
In each of the graveyard were hundreds of graves
And it was strange
Strange how such 'ratchet, disrespected and haphazard' graveYARDS
Contained such Beautiful and ornate gravestones
As if to say that nothing could lessen the glory of their death
They would leave behind an impression of beauty
Even in death
(Even though they never chose their gravestones. But don't say that because it would be 'disrespectful to the dead' in their blissful abyss)
It makes one think
That in a town of less than 1000
There was easily more  than 2000 gravestones
It shows how life goes on
How, even in a small town,  we are insignificant

I love?
Your          POSION
dear one
Because
It numbs mine?!

There sits a man
With a wooden leg and a thousand wrinkles
Smoke around his blue sailors cap
Smoke shrouding all but his eyes in a mysterious sense of pain
The smoke fades from a gentle grey to a dark midnight black
Now there are only the eyes
The purple eyes sticking out of a shroud of black smoke as if they were the beacon to heaven
The eyes stare into the distance
Suddenly a part of the black smoke curls into itself and explodes in a rush of air and stale old smoke
Now there are two dots of lucios purple smoke
They float towards me and stay there
With a strange glint in them they look towards the black smoke
I say look for that is what they were doing
The blavk smoke starts moving inwards
As if there were a great source of power summoning theme
The speed increases and I feel extreme fear and power
I blink
And right there sits the man
With a wooden leg and a thousand wrinkles
With a blue sailors cap
But now his wrinkles are different
They are black
Like the smoke that moments ago was around him
That smoke was now in him
His skin was normal
Soft as a baby but his wrinkles were black
The two purples eyes that float before me seem to beckon towards the wrinkle in the mans brow
I walk forward and I look into the wrinkle
The eyes float behind my head now
Suddenly a force pushes me into the wrinkle
I fall in the vast abyss that is this wrinkle
And I feel it all
Pain
Fear
Love
Death
Hatred
Apprehension
Lust
Sadism
Masochism
But above all guilt
The horrible darkness pushes the guilt into my soul and crushes me
What did this man do that is hidden by his wrinkle did he....
There sits a man
With a wooden leg and a thousand wrinkles
And a blue sailors cap

My heart is under a pile
My heart is a pile
On top of my heart there is a gun
The same gun I wanted to use to **** myself
The gun of redemption
On top of that there lies boulders
Boulders with names upon them
Lust
Death
Revenge
Jealousy
These boulders protect me at the core
Wrapped around the boulders is a mirror
To show lies
To hide the truth
To protect my heart from hungry eyes
Strewn around the boulders Lie bullets
Millions of bullets
upon bullet there is a name
I have not found my name yet but time runs out
Around the bullets there are chains
Chaining my heart to ground so that it will never be swept away
So that even a tidal wave will not affect me
Around that there are rags
These rags stink
They arex *****
They are disgusting
And finally around that is my heart
My fake heart
The one I show a girl whom does not love me
This is the heart everyone sees
This is my protecting heart


Please darling go to my heart
For me please darling
Go to the fake one and see through it
Remove it darling
Then after that look at my rags
And use them to clean your tears
And clean my rags
And fold them up and pack them away
Then my darling the chains are there
They are strong
No person has broken them
Please be stronger than the chains my darling
Break them and fix me
Break them and sweep me off my feet
Then my darling I will kiss you and care for you
My darling please do not stop
Go to the bullets and find mine
Put it in your pocket and never lose it
Then my darling look in the Mirror
And use it to see beauty in me  
Please my darling tell me I am beautiful
Please My darling
Then roll the boulders away
Show me
Show me you are willing to work for me and my heart
Then my darling take the gun and load it
Load it with the bullet you found then
Shoot yourself in the leg
Make me a part of you
My darling
Do this and I will love you
My darling please be my darling

I miss a 16 year old girl
I miss a girl with skin fairer than that ***** snow white
I miss a girl who lips are red like my blood
I miss a girl who's eyes could make me question everything and anything
I miss a girl who scoffed at my compliments
I miss a girl who called me a player
I miss a girl who could write beautifully
I miss a girl who saw more
I miss a girl that blocked all of my compliments
I miss a girl who was shy
I miss a girl who's tears could burn holes in my soul
I miss a girl who loved me
I miss a girl who trusted me
I miss a girl with blond hair
I miss a girl that wore nice earings
I miss a girl that hated herself
I miss a girl with scars on her wrist, bruises around her neck and burn marks on her legs
I miss a girl that could look into a mirror and not like what she saw
I miss a girl who thought she was ugly
I miss a girl ghat thought she was a curse to the world
I miss a girl that wanted to **** herself for most of her life
I miss a girl that drank
I miss a girl that did drugs
I miss a girl who loved the pain
I miss a girl who hated the numbnesa
I miss a girl that put others before herself not because she was kind but because she thought they were better than her
I miss a girl that I abandoned
I miss a girl who trusted me enough to tell me THAT SHE WAS ******* KILLING HERSELF
I miss a girl thagtnever showed anyone her tears but she showed me
I miss a girl that never showed anyone her scars but she showed me
I miss a girl that was so delusional that she showed me her trye self
I miss a girl that I hated for one day....I almost killed myself the day after
I miss a girl who had such an impact on me that I still feel her pain floating around in my head....

I miss a beautiful girl

I miss a girl that killed herself and it haunts me everyday

If you were any other girl I wouldn't be sitting on the floor
Beating my emotions till their blood forms the body of my writings

If you were any other girl
These drunk thoughts that stumble around my head wouldn't **** on my dignity because I wouldn't hate myself for not being good enough for you
Never being good enough For you

If you were any other girl
my heart's wrist wouldn't bleed after I embarrassed myself in my eyes in front of yours

If you were any other girl
The chamber in my heart labelled "later" wouldn't be overflowing
Each twisted emotion screaming for my blood...your love

If you were any other girl
I would be drunk now
But I am not because you...I cannot understand you when I've drunken myself into pitiful inebriation

Drip
Drip
Drip...
Goes the blood from the blade

Splat
Splat
Splat...
Goes the blood on the floor

Squeak
Squeak
Squeak...
Goes the mouse on the floor

Sniff
Sniff
Sniff...
Goes the mouse to the blood

Lick
Lick
Lick...
Goes the mouse to thw blood

Choke
Choke
Choke...
Goes the mouse on the floor

Fall
Fall
Fall...
Goes the mouse on the floor

Die!
Die!
Die...?
Goes the mouse on the floor

Ha
Ha
Ha...
Goes me :)

It seems

           I can only cry tears
Of
Self
Pity

There are so many of us
And when I met the first of us before I knew I was one of us
I though
"**** this person got the unluckiest thing ever"
And I though I would help her and that would be that
I was innocent and I thought this was an uncommon case
And as I grew up became smarter
I met more
And more of us
And we are not uncommon
But we are all ****** up
And I wish I could go back to being so innocent and ignorant
And noq I know we are real
And im one of us
And I struggle
As we all do
But now we have two options
We have jumped into a raging river
And we can choose to float and enjoy the ride until we drown
Enjoying sweet blissful pain
Or we can swim and fight against the current
Never give up and use everything we have to survive
And its not easy
If it were we wouldnt struggle
But know this that you might hate yourself but you love others who are swimming with you
And if they see you float they will be discouraged
And they will float
And sooner rather than later everyone will be floating
Dying a sweet death
But hating yourswlf even more because you let them float
You said its ok to float
So they listened and they died
So know this you can float or swim
I love the rest of us
So I will swim because I hate myself but will not let the others die
So float or swim
Which is it

It's acold misty morning
The large grey cobblestones creating valleys by themselves
The old black lampposts casting the imaginings of light
The buildings shuffle between dark grey and black as if they were a depressed Chameleon
A man walks along this pathway
His dark black Brioni suit covered by the enveloping arms of his coat
The buttons undone as the coat ***** dramatically in the wind that isn't there
The outfit is completed with a black fedora which he wears upon his head
He walks down the pathway and passes a small man
With ragged clothes and a baggy hat
He barely notices the painter as he Iis consumed with his Own demons
The painter holds a brush in his right hand
An old thing with paint and chips on the wooden handle
The bristles are long
Not imacculate
But well used
In his left hand he holds his pallette
It has every colour imaginable
But only a small splotch of it
The painter walks behind the man with the fedora
And he painted
He painted galaxies on the cobblestones and valleys separating them
He painted patterns into the sidewalk and stories into the bricks
His style a rough painterly style
Jagged geometric lines creating organic spirals and waves
A Van Gogh style
Painfully wild strokes
That seem to contain the souls of suffering and pain
His flat yellows contrast to his vivid reds
Powerful imagery created by nothing but contrast
Emotions toyed with by jagged currants and swirls
The painter painted
Trying to catch up to the man with the fedora
Painting eruptions of beauty from the lampposts
And birds and flowers floating upon the air
As the fedora man's heels lifted paint was laid down in insane yellow
Driven insane by trying to catch up to this man
Driven insane by trying to show the man beauty
The painter ran out of paint
A masterpiece a mile long
Seen and admired by all who walked behind
But the artist had failed
His face Contorted as his emotional suffering manifested physically
His heart broke again as he realized that this man with the fedora wouldn't stop
He would live his whole life
Without seeing beauty
The painter was put in a nice jacket and a white padded room to live the rest of hus days
Forced to live in his misey....
His  emotion....
His failure...

"She is like a lily crafted from rubies. Gentle in the nature of the flower yet passionate and powerful in the nature of the gem. She is an anomaly. A contradiction in society boldly living: a woman...who is strong and bears God in her heart yet has not gone cold. Nay...she is not a lily of ruby alone...she is a lily made of ruby and burning with the fire of God."

Immortality
Invincibility
No age
No death
Glory
power
honour
pride
YES
give it
Give me that golden chalice
I cannot die
You cannot **** me
I AM IMMORTAL
I AM INVINCIBLE
I love this
I love you
NO I can save you
I MUST
No please don’t die
I didn’t mean to
I’m sorry
I can’t save you
PLEASE LORD LET ME DIE

He was evil
Worse than the devil
He cut my soul
And tore it to shreds
He laughed at my depair
And cried at my rejoicing
But my rejoicing is a thing of the past
He made sure of that
My sorrows cloud my mind
And all the while I hear his  cruel evil laugh
Intertwined amongst the melodies of death
I hear my soul cry out to my heart
He wrenches and the sound is gone
My heart  batters at the wall
The wall I put there
To protect and safegaurd it
My heart cries out
Intertwined amongst the melodies of death
I hear my soul scream out in suffering
My heart attacks the wall again
And I feel it crumble
Strangly I do not care
That wall has caused me pain
But I kept it there with the illusion
That without it the pain would be tenfold
So as the wall crumbles
I reqch out and pull it down
My heart soars
Power flashes and radiates outwards
I rejoice and he cries
He screamrs and challenges my heart
My heart attacks and ............


Intertwined amongst the melodies of life I hear him and I smile
I won

She's calling me again
That heartless *****
She took my grandad
My dad
She has my family in her clutches
Are sweet claws
Her venomously tangy bite
Her sting
Her fire
Her ice
Her heat
Her coldness
Her beauty
Her horrors
And now that heartless ***** is calling to me
A 15 year old boy

"Angels can fly" she whispered and jumped*

and she soared.
o how she soared
her white wings
stained by the blood that leaked from her wrists
charred from the Burns she gave herself
yet still white
white because there is still innocence in her heart
despite all the taunts
the blood
the tears
the pain
yes there is still innocence
so she ***** her great white wings
diving
swerving
doing flips in mid air
the wind snatching at her hair
and she laughs......

Because she is falling

"Angels can fly" she whispered and jumped

she fell
hit the ground
**and died

The death wish
Has
And still does
Exist
Yet I have beaten it Black and
Blue
Ensuring that it does
Not
Come back to haunt
Me
Making my small
Life
An utter
Misery

I fought it so that
I
Can survive my
Insanity
I didn't do it for
Me
I did it for the people I
Love
The people that meant the
World
To Me and who I would
****
For any day of the week

This is the only
Way
That I as a person can
Survive
This torturous
World
And my promise to all who know
Me
Is that I
Ariel Taverner
Will never give up
Ever
And I'll do it for you

Nowhere is safe

            it pursues me

Where shall I find freedom

          will it ever relent

freedom is a concept of death

Then why do we seek it

             it grunts in lustful excitement

the dead are the only truly free people

Freedom does exist

            hold on to your youthful hope

yes it will help

        the claws rip into my flesh

death is in front of me

Frredom does exist? Does it! Please......

I used to think that when I was with you I was getting drunk on life
Sipping on your smile like a classy merlot
Gulping down your twinkling laughter like a sprakling champagne
Savoring your eyes like a forty year old cabarnet
Drinking without care or consequence
Knowing that I'd wake up with a headache so bad it could split kilimanjaro itself
And that my body would Ache from withdrawal symptoms as I yearned for a palatable drink to moisten my lethargic tongue
Except...I didn't...
I woke up, my head Sparkling in its clarity
My body energised and full of movement
I got drunk on you
Yet...I had no hangover...
I got drunk on being with you...except...I didn't
I used to get drunk on 'Her' and when I left her company I left with an incomprehensible pain in my heart
My "Hangover"
But when I'm with you I'm not Drunk
No...I'm Sober
A Sober that allows the world to sparkle around me in painstaking detail
A Sober that allows me to experience the real beauty of life and not just float through it in a haze of intoxication
A Sober that allows me to look at you and experience that flame in my heart
The joy of life
The joy of knowing that my heart is content to not get drunk
My heart can feel joy without drinking its superficial counterpart
Getting drunk on life is a phrase I cannot use with you
You are just so much more

You know what i hate the most
Well not really
Its impossible to know what you hate the most
But anyway
What i hate the most is that i cant be crazy
I cant use the 'back door' as tge joker describes it
I have on countless occasions imagined myself freaking out
Storming through the house breaking things
Grabbing my mothers wallet
And leaving the house
Surviving off the streets
And my mothers credit card
I have imagined
That i would get involved in drugs and alcohol
Start hanging with the wrong crowd
Doing anything for the next dose
I have imagined immersing myself in a world of lust
Constanyly searching for ***
The newest *****
And then doin anything to enhance the experience
I have imagined myself having a mental breakdown
Becoming crazy
Doing things that can onky be excused by madness
Being given a straight jacket
Being forcefed pills
Living in a padded cell unable to **** myself
Coz even if i starve myself they will make sure i survive
I have imagined cutting myself
Living in a world of private torment
Until the pain becomes too much
Then i spend three weeks writing my suicide note
Because my emotions are so hard to peg
Coz i have spent my entire life hiding and running away from them
And so far i have succeded
And then i get the rope
Get the suit and spend three days 'gracefully defiling' it as my last piece of art
Then i burn it all because im too scared to do it
Then i restart
I have imagined that i sseek solace in violence
In crime

Stealing small things
Getting angrier and angrier
Ubtil i **** someone
Then spend my life in prison
I have imagined that i become a famous writer
Feeling empty and lonely
Fi ding the woman i love and wishing i hadnt
Because i end up killing myself and hurting her
I have imagined tgat i stop ****
Become a nobel peace prize winner
Become famous
Then die without the right woman
I have imagined that i am a gamous singer
But end up killing myself coz the fame is too much
And the attention drives me over the edge
I have imaginex that i go to sleep and not wake up
To go peacefully
Coz thats wgat i ****
Peace
I have imagined that my family throws me out and i fend for myself
I work hard
Survive by washing cars
Or working a petrol pump
I have imagined that my whole family dies
Then i choke up coz i love them so much i cqnt continue with this ******* illusion
And i  the end i cant do it all
In the end im just a ******* little boy with depression
In the end i want to cut but am so scared that i cry myself to sleep
In the end im a little boy that refuses to take medication
Because tgat is his way of defying this disease
In the end im a boy that says things like 'this is my way of defying the disease' but actually im just so scared
In the end i lie fo myself to make it better
In the end i know im lying but i still do it
In the end i still believe .it And i wish this was the end but its not
Coz ill probably die
Married to a woman i love
But never being able to do what i love
Because I care about other people so much I would give them anything for them to be happy

All these lemons
But my lemonade stil tastes like ****

I am Ariel Taverner
I have certain beliefs and views on life
I'm overprotective but I will **** you if you touch someone I love

I am Ariel Taverner
And for those that know me I seem to be a good person
I am. At times a very good person
But at 23:45 alone in a bed I'm pathetic

I am Ariel Taverner
And the saddest part about my life is that nobody on this globe knows who I am
I reveal aspects of my life and being to people but i never reveal the whole thing
If your were to take my friends and family and put all of their information of me together
Then in that pool of resources
That is where you would find the true me
The one that nobody sees
And nobody will because as much as I love you whoever you are in my life I.... You will never truly know me

And to me that is sad
And I am sad

The sweet smooth music plays, setting a tantalizing atmosphere that somehow says I am the master and you will enjoy tonight
The band playing the music seem plastic yet at the same time vibrant with restrained energy. Energy that , like blood, seeps into the people in the room yet not into the music that is being created. The music does not need the energy because it has a power all on its own. The people dancing enthusiastically look satisfied. They look to be having an extravagant time. Everyone is smiling. Everyone is happy? No? Look deeper. If you focus intensly, you can see the signs: a mouth twitching, a hand hesitating as it reaches for a glass, a foot jerking to its position in the dance it is performing. If you look even deeper there are signs of the desperate lust to escape: a shorter than usual skirt, a scar on a wrist, a ciggarette in a hand, a bruised neck. And I can see these signs so effortlessly.  If these people could come evn close to comprehending intelligence they would call it a gift. This is not a gift ....... only a burden I bear and as I look to the others who have the ability I see them hanging. All of them. Hanging from rafters I cannot reach understand or comprehend........  I look at my rafter and deep inside me I feel the perverted need the grotesque want to find those other rafters so I drop the rope and push the chair away and I stare.... stare aimlessly at the mindless zombies that smile fake smiles.

People say that they are hopeless romantics
That statement in itself is a contradiction
If you have any sense of romanticism
Then you are not hopeless
It is only when we give up that we can be hopeless
But a hopeless romantic does not exist

Im a monster.Didnt see that one coming, but here i am : a monster: a human that has killed another and feasted on their flesh as if it were the sweetest pork on the earth.  Even though I knew what o was doing was wrong I still did it.  Why? This thing inside of me.  I call it "THE GROTESQUE LUST".  I stay hidden away from everyone but then it awakens. I then crawl into my box lock it while I still have any control.  Then I fight I fight for hours, days even.  In the end if I win I crawl out of my box and carry on hiding.  But if it wins it takes over and changes it, but it Let's me see through its eyes and it also allows me to retain my brain.  As I watch through its eyes I see my arms grow a dark green fur and my fingers become claws.  This is where I wish that I was dead.  Then it walks out into the night looking
Looking
Looking
It spots its
victim and chases and catches the poor girl.  I am forced to watch as it rips her apart and feasts on her.  Now the worst part comes: The taste
The taste of the blood
Of The flesh
Of The bones of everything
I enjoy it...............

I fear the night
For it is to be feared
All my childhood horrors
Seem like a pleasant reprieve
A reprieve from this insanity
From the monsters that attack me
Give me the secrets the lies
I feel it
All of it
And I still care
After years of despair
I still care
They call it a gift but it destroys me

Immer un immer schreine ich
Warum
Warum
Immer und immer weine ich
Warum warum

I never said I choose to be happy I said I choose to carry on

Ten thousand tears I never cried for you
Nine thousand smiles I never showed you
Eight thousand frowns you never caused
Seven thousand kisses I want you to have
Six thousand longing glances you've never seen
Five thousand drops of blood not spilt for you
Four thousand walls punched in frustration
Three thousand doctor trips for broken fingers
Two thousand pies (just to make you smile)
One thousand tears actually cried for you
Five hundred screams of frustration
One hundred tears of happiness cried for you
Ten flowers of hatred not grown in my heart
Five minutes of rapture given to me by you
One constant thought:you

I'm ready to fall
For my sins
That pile up
Around my heart
Choking the influx
Of metaphorical oxygen
And figurative light (it is, after all, really dark in there)

I'm ready to fall
From my secrets
Weighing down on my shoulders
Crushing my spirit (which people say isn't actually a physical entity)
Sooner or later my legs will collapse from the weight
But till then I'll just make sure that

I'm ready to fall
And I hope to god
That I die in the most painful way possible (literally metaphorically and figuratively)
Because I do,
After all,
Deserve to die

Im officially depressed
That's what the doctor said
And as I write this
I don't really try for it to be art
I just want someone to know
I feel alone
Nobofy is there and I wish somebody is
This depression
since iv known
Is as clear as anything ever had been
I can see the radical mood changes in myself
the bitchiness
Everything but as I see these things they dim out other yhings
Please this is me asking yiu to help
Its selfish needy and desperate but can someone please make this better
Its not like I did something
Or is it
But as I said
I want you
Whoever you are
To help me coz god knows for once in my forsaken life I deserve it

I look at the picture
And I see her hair
Dark
Black
Cascading down the sides of her face like a black churning waterfall
Black
A deep black
So deep it drags me into her charmfulness

But this is not what catches my eyes

I see her beautiful eyes
Cast in an enchanting gaze
As if she can see farther than us all
The shadows perfectly frame her eyes
And that tiny dot of reflection within seems to be the gateway to the most intricately beautiful soul ever

But this is not what catches my eye

I see her full luscious lips
Covered in lavish red lipstick
Her lips are slightly parted as she seems to yearn for something
The sense of earnestness about her multiplied tenfold
Just by parted lips

But this is not what catches my eye

I see her left shoulder exposed by her shirt that elegantly shows her subtle skin tone
Her black hair juxtaposed perfectly next to her dark olive brown skin
Her shoulder tantalizingly flaunts its beauty to the world
Daring any and all to defy her beauty

But this is not what catches my eye
No
What catches my eye is her neck...

The black waterfall of hair
The bright reflection of her soulful eyes
The vivaciously earnest red lips
The tantalizing olive brown shoulder
Combine to form what I have come to think of as a Goddess of beauty on this earth
They all seem to point to her neck and show where her true beauty lies for me
It makes me realise that this time it's different
I could run my hand through her hair a million times
I could stare into her soulful eyes for hours
I coukd kiss her beautiful lips a million times
I could carress her flawlessly smooth shoulder until I form calluses
But I would forgo all of that if she would just let me rest my head on her shoulder
Against her neck
Where I would feel safe
And enough
And adequate
And beautiful

Yes
Indeed
It is her neck that catches my eye

It's not completely true
you know
Thry say that you have a process you follow
Get born
Go to school
Graduate
Get a job
Meet a nice girl
Marry her
Have kids
Grow old

Die

But it's changed  
You know
Get born
Have a sweet little childhood till highschool
Start thinking
Become sad
Have the emotions
Cut
Drink
Smoke
Become numb
Cut
Drink
Smoke
Get the rope
Cry
Kick the chair out

Die

Love left me
It is forsaken by me
I do not trust it
For it destroys

Hatred cries out to me
And despite common sense I embrace it
Why
Is it so much nicer

Compassion
A pointless feeling
It is a curse
And it drags me to hell

Resentment
I resent it all
The sheer irony
Amuses me

ignorance
The sheer beauty of it all
And yes
It is indeed bliss

Ten: im scared
Nine: your scared
Eight: I miss you
Seven: do you miss me
Six: give me a blade
Five: let me cut your heart in half
Four: let me kiss you
Three: I'm lost
Two: find me
One: kiss me





Zero: the end

He really isn't such an extravagant specimen of humanity
The other day he told her that he wasn't a mess
And the funny part is that he believed himself
He believed that he wasn't so pathetic as to deny his masochism whilst depriving himself of sleep
He believed that he didn't send messages to random people on HP because he was lonely and maybe just maybe that other person would live in south africa and get to know him and love him
He believed that he sent those messages because he wanted to help people
His pathos of trying was so painful to watch even he stopped seeing the reality of his metaphorical wrist and literal subconscious
And even though he watches good shows and listens to good music and has valid philosophical opinions that are well structured of both he still second guesses himself
He still doubts his ability to be anything in life but his dreams are real and o so powerful
He has become a farse
A pathetic dismal farce
And the worst part about this farce
Is that this farce somehow still believes that he is different and better farce than all the other farces out there

Yes he hates himself
But he has become so good at lying to himself that he doesn't even believe the words as he types them on this screen

Guess what
I saw myself in the mirror today
And I saw some stranger staring back at me
His hair was messy
He had black-purple bags under his eyes
Swollen from catching all of his tears
His face was red and there were scratch marks from his anger
His dried lips were cracked from all his screams of frustration
Dried blood caking his jaw and neck
He looks at his neck bruised and swollen from him trying to strangle himself
All in all that man in the mirror seemed like he wasn't doing okay

But I quickly showered and decided to wear my poloneck today
It was after all a nice shirt

I made a decision
I decided to stand up
To show the world my name
Ariel motherfuckinh Taverner *******
I no longer wish that I could cry
I now cry when I need to while lifting my ******* to the world
**** all the people who pushed me down