Every time I swallow one of your excuses I lose a piece of myself.
If you don’t want to go out with me, tell me don’t give me an excuse.
Every time you go out with another girl, I confront you.
You say I’m not good enough and that you need a girl who cares.
I care, I care about you even when you hit me and told me I was a *****.
I won’t leave and you know that.
You make me feel like I can’t live without you.
Your right I can't live without you, I can't buy clothes or make my own choice of what I want to eat without asking you.

September 10th.
This date never use to be important to me.
Until 5 years ago, tomorrow is Suicide Prevention Day.
Suicide, what an interesting word.
I’m sorry to say, my dad lost his best-friend to suicide.
Suicide, took his life.
My dad still thinks about him.
My dad’s friend had a mother.
His mother is still alive; she still misses her son.
She has pictures of him everywhere.
I’m sorry to everyone who has lost someone to suicide.

The Bunny stares with round black eyes.
The girl felt that this bunny was important to her.
After all it was given to her when she was 6.
Her daddy bought it for her and gave it to her.
This bunny has gotten her through nightmares.
The bunny was there when her dog Amber passed away.
The girl snuggled up to the bunny and sniffed the stuffed bunnies fur.
It smelled like her mom’s cookies she use to make, it smelled like her old shampoo she use to use.
The girl cried when her heart got broken, the bunny was right there to comfort her.
When the girl’s mom said she hated her, the bunny was there to snuggle with until she fell asleep.
The bunny reminded her of good times, when her mom loved her.
It was soft and a beautiful pink color.  
The bunny was her best-friend.

Even though I can't help you all, I know God will.
He has been there for me when I needed Him the most.
His love will fix your broken spirit; it takes time I know.
You might be waiting a long time before He steps in and helps.
You may wander and fall, but God is there.
Reach out for Him, feel His love and warmth.
He is there I promise, He is there for everyone.
Sick, old, young, blind, deaf. it doesn't matter, He is there for you.
He loves you.

The victims deal with the abuse.
Then when they get enough courage to leave, they have to go into hiding.
Afraid every-time the phone goes off, that it is them.
Every-time someone knocks on the door, they wonder.
Have I been found? Will I have to move again?
When they go out, they look behind them constantly making sure no one is following them.
Careful to post any information on social media, so they cannot be cyber stalked by them.
A friend request on the internet makes them suspicious, wondering if that could be them.
Someone who is friendly sets off alarms, wondering if somehow this person could be related to their abuser.
The victim did not ask for any of this yet, the only way to survive is to leave and hide.
Forever wondering if they will be found and put through the abuse again.

The edge looks so inviting.
I could close my eyes and it could be all over.  
One step and then I’m dead.
Should I jump?

She’s happier when she’s self-harmed.
At least, that’s what she thinks.

She’s more confident when scars are hiding on her body.
Until she looks in a mirror
And realizes what she has done to herself.

She hates herself when she looks in the mirror.
Until that feeling goes away
When someone says, something mean, without knowing her story
That’s when self-hatred comes out and captures her mind.

She’s happier when she’s self-harmed.
All her issues are better when expressed on her skin.
  Crashing back when the high of self-harming is gone.
And it ends up causing her more pain, then she had before.

She likes the world more when she has self-harmed.
It’s filled with so much good
Until something sets her off and feels the need to self-harm again
And she hates it all more than she should once again.

Her mind feels calm, when she self-harms.
Terrified of losing that feeling
She soon wants to self-harm again.

But she can stop any time she wants
She has herself trying to believe this.
Because self-harm takes the pain away.
That is, until all her friends leave.
Because her life revolves around the next time she self-harms again.

The masked face stares at me.
I can only see her eyes.
Is the masked girl friendly?
I reach out and try to grab her hand.
She starts walking away from me, where is she going?
I follow her and walk down this road.
She stops at this house, she says it is her house.
She hands me a picture of a baby, it’s her.
I walk further down the road stopping at different destinations that are important to her.
The girl stops and looks at me.
She says this is my life, she said it’s her life.
She starts walking again and I keep following her.
I see more pictures of her.
I see pictures of when she was a teenager.
I see a picture of her when she was 18.
But she stops and her appearance changes.
She takes off her mask, her face looks unhappy.
Her eyes look sad, her mask told a story.
She is fading slowly; her life is slipping away.
Tears roll down her eyes and she says good bye.

I'm sitting on our plastic bench.
My eyes are barely open, I'm looking up into the sky.
I see grey clouds..
Rain drops fall onto my face as I sit on this plastic bench.
The sky is crying, I wonder why it is sad.
Is the sky mourning a loss?
Is it going through a tough time?
Or does it just feel the need to cry and let the world know it isn't feeling alright today?
Does the sky need it's best-friend, the sun to cheer it up, or does it want to weep alone tonight?

I look for you in everyone.
Because I don't want to get hurt anymore.
Yes, I look for you in everyone.
So no one else can do, what you did to me.
If someday I run into you, don't expect me to say sorry for speaking up.
Don't expect a hug, because you don't deserve feeling my warmth.
Don't expect me to listen to you, when you try to tell me, that you did nothing.
I don't want you to even admit you did anything, because I know what happened.
I don't need anything from you, leave me alone.
Please, don't look for me, don't knock on my door.
Please, don't reach out.
The only thing you need to know is that I'm doing fine without you.
The only thing you need to know is that you did not keep me down.
The only thing you will find, is a different girl.
A girl who doesn't let people do what you did.
You have taken enough from me.
No, I don't forgive you.

Her hands are breaking;
She sits at the piano bench waiting for her hands to be ok so she can play.
Her daddy broke her hands she’s so sad. Her daddy came home drunk she was excited to see him at first,
she sat at her piano that her mama bought her for her birthday when she was eight.
  She started to play for her dad but he got mad, so he threw her into the wall and broke her hands.
He was drunk again,
her mama wasn’t home she was out selling drugs to get some money.
She told her mama to sell the piano so she wouldn’t have to sell drugs for a while. But her mama didn’t sell it,
her daddy left and her mama died when she was 18.
The girl got her own place she brought her piano with her. She was able to play again because her hands healed.
She goes into her own world and forgets about her mama selling drugs. She continues to play the piano; she forgets about her daddy. The piano is the girls drug, her addiction, her medication

My life changed forever in the moment that later would define me.
That moment haunted me when I realized what had happened.
It happened, I know.
It's not my fault though.
I should have said no.
No, wasn't in my mind when the moment happened.
After I knew it was wrong.
I kept his secret and he kept mine.
Sometimes, I would hope someone would realize.
I hoped someone would tell me that this moment was not ok.
That I did nothing wrong, even though I felt ok in the moment in a way.
Why did this moment happen?

If I told you, everything that has happened, would you believe me?
Because they didn't.
If I told you, everything I said to him, would you believe me?
Because he didn't care.
If I told you, what he did, would you blame me?
Because they did.
Would you love me, and trust me, would you understand if I told you everything?
If I told you everything, would you look at me different?
Would you see me as a victim?
Because I'm not, I don't want to be seen as a victim.
If I told you, that I'm happy now, would you believe me even after everything I have gone through?
Because I'm not sure if I am.

What do you think of yourself? Late at night when your makeup has been cleaned off, when your insecurities are more easy to notice?
Do you feel that you can do anything?
Do you feel ok about who you are?
Do you see someone else late at night? When no one is around and you don't have to hide yourself anymore.
Are you pretty enough without your face being painted?
I know it's a struggle dear to not show who you are.
I know you feel you cannot do anything.
I know you beat yourself up inside.
You see someone who is broken and flawed.
The make-up is a mask, a cover up to hide the pain you feel inside.
I want you to know, that I see who you are.
Don't hide behind make-up.
Wipe it off, show your pimples and scars.
Darling be who you are when you have no make-up at night.
Be who you are when you smile in the mirror alone, before people's thought invade your mind.
Because I will love you, no matter who you are.
I will love you, without make-up and masks.

Wake me up.
I have had this dream before.
Tired eyes.
Wrinkle under eyes.
Tired body.
Stressed mind.
Please take me out of this dream, I can no longer live in this world I have created.
Where you are the Prince and do no wrong.
A glimpse of light crawled through the darkness and I saw the light, you were trying to hide me from.
I'm no longer yours.

Kids table, I’m sitting here with the kids, again.
I hear the adults sitting in the other room chatting.
I wish I could sit with the adults, I usually do but tonight I have to sit with my two cousins.
I’m bored, I sit slowly eating my food.
Looking around, my cousin starts laughing my other cousin is making weird sounds.
I start laughing also, I can’t stop laughing.
If you are sitting at the kids table, we should give you a warning.
It is messy at this table.
You will laugh about stupid ****.
You will feel like a child again, isn’t that a nice feeling?
Warning, you will never want to go back to the adult table after sitting with the kids.
Isn’t it funny how much I wish I were at the adults table?
Why would I want to sit with them?
The adults talk about politics and war.
Depressing isn’t it?
They talk about the news and a new mass shooting.
Adults, were once kids can you believe it?
Sometimes though it is nice to go back to your roots and sit with kids.
Kids will be honest with you; kids will tell you how it is.
Kids, they will laugh and **** without apologizing.
Kids haven’t been ruined by the world yet, not yet.
Hopefully they will never be ruined by the world.
I use to be a kid, I was ruined and I had a lot of life struggles.
Reality came too fast and ruined my childhood.
Sitting at the kids table helped me though, I'm glad I sat here tonight.

My world is too dark, I can’t see.
My world is spinning to fast, I can’t breathe.
I feel like I can’t trust anyone anymore.
Every time you text me, I’m hoping it says you still love me and that you made a mistake.
I wanted things to work out.
I have been hurt to many times, I don’t remember all of them anymore.  
I try to block it out, it does no good to remember.
It still haunts me though.

Mirrors scattered along the land I see my full reflection in the mirror.
I walk further and deeper into the dark the glass starts shattering.
I no longer can see my full reflection.
I walk a different way, I’m still in the dark.
I start running, the mirrors don’t look the same anymore.
I fall down, tears come out of my eyes, I lay down on the broken glass.
I wish I could see my reflection, I want to remember how I looked.
I want to remember who I was before the dark took over.

Hey, I thought I would write something for all my followers.
I would like to start off by thanking Word Freak.
Word Freak was my first ever follower, he is the one who told me about this site.
Thank you to cgembry, the first person to like my work.
Thank you, Teresa Alaska the first person to comment on my work.
Thank you, Anna-Maria Rose Newell, you have given me a lot of inspiration.
Thank you, Walter W. H., David Hewitt, and Enslaved King you also have given me inspiration.
Thank you, Joellei for always being here when I need someone to talk to!
Thank you, Flames for a martyr, Toxic moon and Vicki.
Thank you, Woody, Stephen, and Keith Wilson.
Thank you, Bleeding Diamonds you make me smile and laugh.
Thank you, Jennifer DeAngelo for writing a poem about me.
Thank you, Eebi Jonson the first person I collaborated with.
Thank you, Kristy Renae Dalton.
Thank you,  John Stevens for raising your two beautiful grandchildren, I can tell they really love you.
Thank you, so much John Stevens for reading my work and giving me endless amounts of support.
Thank you to John Stevens wife also.
Thank you to all my followers each and every one of you are special to me.

I told him I’m on day 11 of not self-harming.
He seemed like he didn’t care, I’m sorry I told you.
I thought you would be interested in knowing since you said you loved me.
He agreed with me when I said it doesn’t matter how many days I have stopped I will always be a cutter.
He said yep, he agreed.
So, if I will always be labeled as a cutter and the world will continue to see me that way, why shouldn’t I continue slicing up my arms and wrists and be what people will always see me as.
Recovery is challenging I should know, why waste all that time when I could be feeling high.
Why stop my unhealthy habit if I love it?
Why stop if you will see me as a cutter for the rest of my life any way?

They tried to build me.
They tried to build me so I didn't fall again.
They kept failing though.
I kept crashing back down.
They started getting tired.
Because they had their own life, they had to build up other people who meant more to them.
I was left, crashing slowly each day.
Until I became something I never thought I would be.
Then he reached out, and I started building myself up.
But I would stumble and fall.
He would stay and watch me.
Making sure I didn't fall to far.
He was there at night when I needed someone.
He counts the days with me.
I have to admit, at first I thought he would leave.
If he hadn't been here.
I don't think I would be where I am.
Slowly building myself up every-day.
Slowly becoming who I want to be.

It has become night, the most dangerous time.
When everything seems to come out and try to push you into the dark part of your mind.
The thoughts you push away come out.
You struggle falling asleep.
So, you turn on the radio but the song him and you listened to comes on and you start crying.
You remember everything.
You are not safe at night time.
You stay awake for as long as you can, until you have become exhausted and your eyes slowly start closing.
Your final thought is, I hope my dreams don't torture me.

Sad Poems.
Sad Girl.
Sad World.
There is no light, I see only darkness.
I can’t remember the last time I was ok.
Eating Disorder.
Self-Harming.
Binge eating junk food.
I can't remember the last time I didn't do those things.

Month by month she was fading away,
Sometimes I saw who she really was.
She was a friend, a wife, and she was my mom.
Day by day it seemed to get worse but I sat with her and talked to her as much as I could.
Sometimes the memories come back of how it used to be, I remember her calling me a *****.
She told me she hated me, she said I ruined everything when really I was trying to fix things.
I loved my mom, even if she didn’t always love me.

When he looked into her eyes, his eyes were soft.
I could only see love in his eyes.
Even if he had only looked at her for a moment, I could tell that he loved her.
She was sleeping.
It was sweet, even if she wasn't awake and she would never know this moment happened.
He knew he had looked into her eyes, he knew he loved her.
These moments are the moments that are the most sweet, these are the moments that keep them going, that keep them together.

I have the table arranged perfectly, with two lit candles.
I’m wearing a long beautiful blue dress, it’s his favorite color.
The dinner is ready, I decide to sit at the table and wait.
I wait for hours; the food is cold.
He isn’t coming home, it’s just me at this table.
I knew he wouldn’t, he’s been dead for 3 years.
It’s my birthday though, we always had dinner together on my birthday.
I miss him.

I made it another day without you here with me.
I wonder how many more days I will have to go without you.
Sometimes I think about how my life was when you were here.
My life got worse and I stopped living after you weren’t here anymore.
I know you’re out there somewhere living life, breathing, eating and laughing.
While I mourn you, I will always miss you.
I will always love you.

She likes the smell of forgotten old books, the ones that are hidden in the library shelves.
She likes taking the books home and reading them all night long in her bed.
She will always take a book with her, no matter where she is going.
She can escape into fictional worlds, where she fights dragons and warlocks.
One day she hopes she can write a book, one day she hopes to inspire others.

He said I’m a great poet.
Never stop writing he said, never.
He told me he loves my work, he said he loves me.
He made me feel something again.
I’m afraid to lose him, he means everything to me.
He has taught life lessons.
I’m different, I have changed people notice.
He helped me realize I’m beautiful.
I’m so much more confident.
I would of never wrote this much and pursued writing more if it weren’t for him.
I love him, I love him this is the best feeling in the world.

Pages turn quickly.
Events happen on each page.
Some defining you.
Other events making you weary.
Some events that happen on the page are good memories, those seem to go even faster though.

I’m not sure why I thought this.
I had a rule, fat girls weren’t allowed to have short hair.
What I was saying is, I wasn’t allowed to have short hair because I was fat.
A form of punishment you could call it.
I didn’t think I deserved to have short hair.
Today I was going to go get my hair done.
I was sitting and looking at a magazine, I was waiting to see if they had anyone available.
I don’t know why, for some reason I decided to finally cut my hair short.
While the girl was cutting my hair, I looked around and saw other clients.
I didn’t want to look; I was afraid I had made the wrong choice.
It was too late though; she was already cutting it.
But I raised my head after I gave myself a speech inside my head.
I said it is just hair. It will grow back Steph.
I peeked at it and looked down quickly.
I looked again, is that really me?
The hairdresser blow dried my hair.
She asked afterwards, do you like it?
I didn’t know what to say besides yes I love it.
I really love it.
Do I really love it?
It’s a big change from my long hair.

My aunt was cleaning out my grams closet and couldn’t find anything red to wear.
She was looking for a red dress, for me to wear to prom.
I guess I had no choice in the matter.
Red dress, why red?
Why did my aunt insist on me wearing red?
Why were we looking in my gram’s closet? Why weren’t they looking through my clothes?
Why were they looking at all? Isn’t is my job to pick out something?
I wanted a yellow dress, a beautiful long yellow dress.
I have a yellow dress, it’s my favorite, but I don’t want to wear it now.
I’m saving it for my funeral, I want to be buried in my yellow dress I already have.

I wish I didn’t listen to you, you told me I was fat, ugly and a liar.
You said I would become a drug addict like my birth mom, because you said I was gullible.
You made me feel awful to the point of measuring my wrists when I woke up, hoping I didn’t become more fat.
You are disappointed of me.
You don’t know I write, you made me stop for a long time because you said my writing wasn’t good.
You point things out that you see in yourself that you see in me too. But you don’t fix yourself you try to fix me.
You hate yourself for letting me see my birth mom, you took her away from me when I was starting to know her. Where you afraid I would love her more? That wouldn’t have been hard because I was starting to love her more.
You don’t know how dark my life was when I didn’t see her anymore, she was my second chance at having a mom.

She died, no one asked if I was ok.
I had to pack her stuff up and put it in the garage, I guess they thought that would wipe her existence away and make it seem like she was never here.
She was here though, she touched my life.
A life was lost, no one cares.

Is it alright if I sit alone?
Is it alright if I sit alone, here with my cd's?
Is it alright if I sing the lyrics under my breathe, so no one can hear
Is it alright if I sit alone all day?
Because I need some quiet today.
Is it alright if after I have grown tired of listening to my cd's if I watch some T.V.?
Is it alright if while I watch T.V. I eat junk food and have a cheat day.
Is it alright if I sit alone.
Because when I am alone, I come up with the greatest ideas.
Because when I am alone, I have words flowing through my head for my next poem.
Tomorrow though we will sit together and do all these things.
But today may I sit alone?

The sun is beating down on his face; he is an older man.
He is sitting on a park bench; he is feeding birds bread.
A girl comes walking up to the older man, she seems happy to see him.
The girl is crying tears of joy it seems.
The older man hugs the girl, they sit down on the bench.
The girl hands him a box, a box full of letters she wrote to him over the years.
The man slowly reads each one, sometimes smiling and laughing at what he reads.
He begins to read more, the man starts crying.
He is reading about her issue with her weight and food.
He reads about her self-harm.
The man slowly looks at the girl, he says I'm sorry honey.
I'm sorry I couldn't of been there for you, but I'm here now.

You came into my life 9 months ago, You changed me.
When we first met, you found me on the verge of death making a plan on how to die.
I was in pain, sometimes I felt like screaming.
I hide in the bathroom and turned on the water while I threw up so no one could hear me.
I cut my wrists and told myself I could stop, I was really addicted though.
You lifted me up, you showed me the light.
You said you wouldn't leave me, you did.
You always came back though.
You asked me do you know how much I love you?
I started smiling again.
My parents noticed a change, they started wanting me around again.
If something happens and you decide to leave, I want you to know you changed my life forever.
I will always remember you, I love you.

I had never opened up myself to anyone.
Until i had talked to you.
Before i had lived life.
Until you had taken control of mine.
I listened to you, thinking nothing was wrong.
All those words i had said, didnt matter to you.
I was desprate to hold onto anyone who showed me an ounce of love, healthy or not.
Everyone knows now.
I have to say it's worse.
I almost wish i had stayed oblivious to your ways.
Because i lost almost everyone i cared about.
Because they don't believe me.
It's not that though that is really bothering me.
It's the fact that, you can walk around and do anything you wish without a worry in the world.
I have to be the one who is stressed.
I am the one who doesn't  get to see the girls grow-up.
I have to sit at family functions and hear about you.
I have to hold it all in, because would look at me as though I was the crazy one.
When in truth, you are the one.
You are the one who thought it was ok.
You are the one.
But I'm the one who has to pay every-day.

I had a bad night last night.
Texts from my mom saying grandma should raise me full time.
She said she will take me to probate court and sign away her rights as a mother.
Is she a mother? Could you really call her that?
My mom said it’s better this way for all involved.
It’s better for her if she wouldn’t have a daughter anymore?
My mom told me that my dad has missed me, he wanted to pick me up and bring me back.
My mother said I know you aren’t happy at our house.
You have lived with your grandma most of your life, of course she is going to make you happier.
Who’s fault is that? You sent me to grandma’s house when I was little because you didn’t want to deal with me.
My mother thinks I hate her, she acts like I haven’t made any effort to fix things.

Fallen One.
Lost one.
Injured one.
Twin towers destroyed.


I’m sorry for the people who lost their life.
I’m sorry for the families.
So much damage happened that day.

My father told me where he was when he first heard what happened.
I have heard horror stories, people tell me where they were and what they were feeling that day.
I’m sorry, I’m sorry this day ever happened.
Peace was not in the air that day, hate and smoke filled the air.
Airline security became more secure.
A lot of things changed after that day happened.
But in the middle of all this happening, my cousin was born.
A new life joined the world.

Today is the day when I stop numbing the pain.
Today is the day when I face the mistakes I made.
Today is the day when I become who you wanted me to be.
Today is the day to change.
Is it ok if I'm no longer the nice girl?
Is it ok if I don't let you step on me?
Today is the day when I let your memory invade my mind.
I'm sorry I ran away for so long.
I didn't want my demons to catch me.
For a while, I felt nothing.
But then you came along and made me feel again, you left, I shut down.
Today is the day when I start feeling again.
Because I am figuring out that I do not need you, I can feel and still be stable

Dreams pass
Lives change.
The world keeps going.
People fall.
People pass.
The world keeps going.
People struggle.
People rush by without saying hi.
The world keeps going.
When will it change?

This room has so many memories.
My cousin and I use to play games in this room.
I remember getting all the junk food out of the kitchen and spreading it across the bed in this room.
I remember waking up in the morning and trying to pick out what to wear out of the closet in the room.
I remember when no one was home, I blasted the music and danced in this room.
I remember being excited the first time I saw this room, it’s beautiful.
My mom painted this room, she painted it orange and yellow.
With hand painted flowers on the wall.
I’m scared to change the room; I’m scared I will forget what has happened in this room.
But, things change and it is time to make this room different.
This is my last night in my old room full of beautiful and sad memories.
I can make new memories though.
This will be a good change; this will be a fresh start.

Once when I was a little kid, I had a bad dream.
I called for my dad, I said daddy, daddy come here please.
I told him I had a bad dream.
He sat down on my bed and said I have the perfect solution.
He told me, when I close my eyes and the monsters come into my dreams spray them with a magical spray.
He said, it gets rid of monsters instantly.
If they don’t go away he said, I can always call him.
I never had to though, I used the magical spray he talked about when monsters came around.
When I became older though and I had demons haunting my head, the spray didn’t work.
I didn’t feel like I could talk to my dad.
I was lost and things were getting worse.
I stopped calling him, I cried and fought my bad dreams alone when I got older.
Where did you go dad?

I held her, I pulled her close to me until she felt safe.
I whispered in her ears telling her I loved her, did she feel safe with me?
I told her she was leaving this world, she asked am I going to a better place?
She died in my arms.
I looked in her eyes, she was at peace.
I love you Chloe you meant the world to me.
I know I wasn't always the greatest towards you.
You will always be in my heart.

I went to the house, for the first time in months.
I had spent so many hours here.
This felt like home, this is where my heart was at.
I wasn’t supposed to be here; my parents would get mad.
I wanted to see them though.
My aunt, my uncle, my cousins.
I didn’t want it to end, I walked through the house looking at everything.
I saw the vase I made my aunt.
I saw pictures of me when I was younger.
My cousin and I played basketball.
I watched my uncle watch football.
I talked to my oldest cousin.
I memorized the house before I left.
I don’t know when I will see you all again.
I love you so much.

I need to know that two people can be happy together forever.
I want to see a couple who makes it, but is also happy.
I remember when I was little, I use to hear kids talk about how their parents are divorced.
I always said to kids, I’m lucky I have two parents.
But what kids didn’t know is that there was screaming and yelling.
Kids and teachers didn’t know how unhappy I was growing up because of my parents.
I was unhappy about a lot of things, I shouldn’t say I was unhappy solely because of my parents and how their relationship was.
I have never had a good example to lead me into the right direction, I never had a couple I could look up to and say I want to be like that when I grow up.
The relationships I have had fail because of one thing or another.
Every kid needs a good relationship, a good example to look up to.
I can’t say I have one and that might be why everything seems to crumble and fail.

My father got me a new cell phone, another new change.
I wish I could keep my old one, because your number is in my phone that I have now.
I can’t put your number in my new phone, my parents will think I still like you.
I can’t like you, I can’t.
I need to move on, I need to move on.
You were my first kiss, my first love.
My first heart break.
I love you, I always will in a way.
I can’t be with you, never.
People would think it’s wrong.
I can’t believe all you wanted was my body, I can't believe you would want my body at all.
You say you love me, but then we don’t talk for months. It’s not your fault I know.
I received a call telling me you were missing, my world stopped.
I couldn’t breathe and I was crying.
I was sobbing wondering if you were truly gone.
Hating you because I thought you had run away and left everything behind.
I thought you had left me. Did you leave me?
Is it over? Should I let go of you and leave you behind?
Should I leave all the conversations and promises behind and pretend they never existed?

My mom took pictures of me.
She used Photoshop on the photos.
Was I not good enough?
Was I not pretty enough that she had to use Photoshop.
The photos still look like me, but in a way don’t.
She made my pimples disappear she photo shopped my face.
She made my eyes look different.
Photo shop is my mom’s friend.
I know my mom doesn’t understand how much it bothers me.
It seems to make my mom happy though to make me pretty.

Dad messaged me yesterday around 5.
I thought this drama was over.
He said listen carefully, so I did.
He said, I have 2 choices.
I can come home Sunday, or have grandma take legal guardianship of me.
No middle ground he said.
If I go back to my parents’ home, he said I won’t see grams except for the weekend.
He has said all this before.
This time feels different though.
He said make a decision after I read his messages, I was supposed to message him right after.
I told him this is a life alerting choice, a decision I can’t make alone.
I told him I would be at the house on Sunday though, what else could I have said?
I went to my aunt’s house yesterday, to get her opinion on it.
I’m getting a lawyer, I’m ready to live life.