I might leave my thoughts and reinvent myself.
Does desperation or envy get you killed faster?
Going back 200 years ago, it would've been depravity
If you re fortunate enough to have your basic needs met, you can indulge in diving deeper than thoughts, deeper than body and mind, further down the loophole until you reach your soul, primal and emotional state of living.

"You are not drowning"
Yet, CoStar.
I'm not sure if its amnesia im afraid of, or the mere thought that memories are no solid proof of living.

It’s not that she doesn’t wanna write anymore, but her fingers don’t see the point in dragging some Letters to form meaningless sentences.
She digs deeper into her skin, leaving ****** marks, smearing them into a circle.
Taking that as a reply to her inner question “who are you?” To which this answers loud and clear- a sewer rat.
You heard me, a rat.

It's not that I don't want to get it, you're just empty.
Drained of empathy and utterly absurd.

I'm not being careless, if anything- I'm quite the opposite.
So I just choose to remain silent and brush your thoughts away.
You chose to devour me
Cautiously-
Giving in, eventually.

Bare handed I crawl my way up
Towards the sun if I must
"Unburden my mind, mother. Stomp on my ego, make it null, but make me whole.