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Sarah Rodríguez Dec 2018
“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Momma! Can you hear me? I can hear you singing through tears momma. Please don’t cry. It’s going to be ok momma. I’m not in the dark anymore. Here there’s only light, and plenty of room to run. Momma it’s amazing here!Everything is going to be ok. So please, please, please, momma, don’t cry, rest your head, let me sing to you.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

No one knows. No one knows the loss of my own body, the ripping and savagery that took my own flesh. The pain that blooded and caressed my thighs.

They did no wrong, they hadn’t even breathed never the less committed a single sin. My beautiful, beautiful baby. did I do you wrong? Did your creation create a target on your head. A punishment for my sin.

You didn’t deserve to be stripped of the earth, before you could even experience it. To be failed by the body that was supposed to love you the most.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

And I hold these red beads in my hands, thinking of that day when red was all I could see. Grasping this shield singing and praying for healing. Wondering who you could have been. Creating these ideas of who you would of looked like.

If you would of had my brown curly hair and his silly smile. If you would have his musical genius and my creative brain. Thinking just how beautifully beautiful you would’ve been.

Could you solve a math equation from the top of your head, would you sleep till noon like your father, or wake up early like me, would you continue the tradition and play tennis or would you create your own traditions, Would I walk you down the isle, or button up your tux? Oh my dear child you don’t even know what it would have been like to baptize you in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirt.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Baby my sweet child,
Why did you leave before I could even say your name?
Why did you give into the white light and leave me with a scarlet pain?

Did you sacrifice yourself to spare me of what life I would have lived with you in it?

But I want you in my life. I dream of your ringing footsteps, of you crying out for me, of holding you to my breast and carrying for you with everything I have.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Baby, I’m sorry I never got the chance to love you.
But you’re not a baby anymore now are you, you’re my little angel.
Sweet angel of mine, I’m sorry that I failed you. I’m sorry that I can’t internalize a reason for you death even though your death was internal for me.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you the life that you deserved.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

My beautiful baby I love you till this day.
You might be gone, but the idea of who you could have been lives on with me, forever.

I’m sorry our love died I’m sorry that my body wasn’t strong enough to hold you.
I was carrying so much, that it made me lose my everything that could of been you.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

I would have named you Mark or John, or Mary magdalin, I would have rocked you to sleep every night. Loved you with all of my heart, sing to you till your precious eyes closed, and I would be sure to let you know I loved you. I loved you while you were being formed, and I loved and I missed you while you were deformed.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Baby, sweet child of mine, how could you have left when there is so much love left for you here with me. Why did you go home before I had the chance to make you a home of this world. Before I could even see your face before we could even given you a name.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

Precious little baby I know you’re at the gates of heaven, and I know you’re not mine, so all I ask from you is to send me a sign that you’re ok, that I can be ok without you.

“For the sake of His sorrowful Passion
Have mercy on us and on the whole world”

But I lay here barren and empty.
Scooped bare, and ripped apart internally.
I have nothing to give you but my love.
I will always love you. My sweet beautiful baby. And I will hold my hand to your previous home of my body and feel for your heartbeat, your sweet beautiful innocent heart beat and I will never forget you, the love of my life, the one I never knew.
Sarah Rodríguez Nov 2018
Too many rainbows in the sky left behind by storms going by
Rainbows aren’t worth the pain they come from rain rainbow you’re not worth the pain
Oh I can’t
I won’t keep pretending that the color in my eyes was worth the disguise
I can’t
I won’t keep pretending that the color in my eyes was worth my time
Not worth my time
Too many rainbows in the sky
Sarah Rodríguez Nov 2018
I know you see me
I know you hold me
I know you think of me
But you don’t think about ME

I see your eyes so close to mine and I get lost in whats underneath, what it is you’re thinking, if there is any chance of you loving me.

I know you’re scared
But please don’t be scared
Yes love is dangerous
But I don’t want to be afraid

I hope that someday you can hold my hand in front of everyone with pride, and not want to hide
I hope that one day you can kiss me and not be scared that it will actually mean something to you
I hope that everyday this will mean something to you
Do I mean something to you?
Sarah Rodríguez Sep 2018
He blames me for hIs pain and I can’t Love myself fOr that I’m sorry if i was the one who hurt you but I’m glad you’re moVing on Im happy for you Even thoUgh I’m STILL dying inside
Sarah Rodríguez Sep 2018
Soy el rey de mi vida, he perdido un amigo mío. Este era mi mundo, mi vida y mi amor.
Sarah Rodríguez Jul 2018
Every morning I jump through the brush.
A thicket of knots and thorns that’s on top of my head.
Every day I pick rose petals from my garden, and I place them on each apple of my face.
Every night I take off my camouflage, and glow with a fluorescent blue light that keeps the neighbors up at night.

I am an apple on the branch of a tree that branches through canopies and canopies of leaves and leaves to find an inch of light, to get out of the darkness. An apple that blooms off the twists and turns of sticks over sticks that grow and meet through out the years, I am an apple.

I am a wonder of the world, I am a miracle that pops through the wilderness.
I am nature.
Sarah Rodríguez May 2018
People say love is a house that you walk in to when you are lost, but love is more like the choppy sea you sail on with the person you love being the lighthouse that could lead you into the rocks, but trust them to lead you to the shore.

Sadly my love pushed me into the rocks and left me lying on the beach to starve, picked me up to rock me to sleep, forced rocks down my throat to then throw me into the waves to watch me drown.
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