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Shanna Thomas Mar 2019
You don't notice the new scars on my arm... They've been there for a while now... I made some new ones today... I just feel so alone in this world... Like no one really cares... I just think my mental illness is getting the better of me... And honestly I'm not going to fight it any more... So one day you'll probably come home and see me lying on the floor, cold, lifeless... But know that I'm at peace...I'm happier now... I cant make you happy anymore... And that's totally okay. I'm content with that... But the fact that you're still staying with me... It puzzles me... Why stay with a suicidal maniac... A crazy
person... I need to be in a mental hospital... Locked away... In a straight jacket... Where I cant cause anymore harm... To you or to myself... But you don't notice the scars, you ignore the signs... I cry... A lot... You don't notice the fake smile... That I'm wearing this mask... I'm taking it off tonight... Maybe you'll realize before its too late... Then again you probably wont... Its not your fault... I'm just really good at acting... You don't realize
the pain... The constant struggle i have with myself... To be... Perfect... You don't realize the hurt.. When my tears hit the pillow and you're not there... But its okay. I forgive you... Just hope you can forgive me... One day... You don't realize the sadness... But you'll realize it... That day... That day that I'm gone...
I just want to say that I wrote this when I was going through a very dark time in my life. I'm just happy that I was able to get through and be here today!
Shanna Thomas Mar 2019
What happens when one person in the relationship stops trying?
What happens when we becomes me,
When the slogan “there's no I in team” becomes invalid, because there's​ an I single?
What happens when you give up but I die trying.
To fight for this relationship so that this boat doesn't sink.
When I fight for the years and the memories, but you turn your back and you no longer care…
What happens when I keep pursuing something that is dead? Going after your lifeless corpse trying to breathe air back in. Trying to use to the ventilator to bring back the dead… one shock, two shock and three strikes I'm out… the ballgame is over and I have lost.
All I get to see now is your back turned to me as you walk away and soon your body becomes the size of an ant and you disappear never to be seen again. All that I am left with is the memories and the broken heart which will forever be locked up until someone else tries to come and break down this wall… but they too will soon find out that my wall is made of metal and is unbreakable and can't be scarred. It's chained and locked and the key is thrown away.
They too will find my body deteriorated and bruised, cold and torn, black and blue. I'm now meek and weak and no longer want to to try. So they watch me slip away into smithereens. I see you being happy and free while I am now chained and locked away.
How did the story get flipped and I'm on the outside looking in. Thinking this was forever while you spelt temporary with all your words. They left your lips so smooth and sweet and made me feel special, just to realize this wasn't your first rodeo and I wasn't the first bull ride.
But trust I've learned my lesson and my mind you can't take over anymore. You had your fun and games but now it's time for me to be the master. I will pull and pull and pull on your strings and just like how I was once lifeless, you will feel that pain.
Feel the broken heart of thinking they loved you but realizing they only loved the thought of you and when something better comes along they follow behind like an obedient dog… because honestly that's what you are.
A dog… and I'm the lion.
Your in my cage now… let's see how long you last.
Shanna Thomas Mar 2019
I watch you as the smile leaves your face.
I watch you as the glimmer in your eyes start to dissipate.
I watch as long conversations turn into silence.
I watch as we, become you and me...
I watch as your heart grows stronger as mine begans to break.
I watch you learn to love yourself as I have nothing but hate...
I watch as you leave and I stay behind.
I watch as you never come back and I learn to let time fly.

— The End —