It's a sad revelation
To discover that nobody is to be trusted
Lying tongues
Twisted together like snakes in a pit
Honesty is nowhere to be found
Nowhere do you feel at home
Nowhere do you feel welcome
Even the grass complains when you step on it
You can only keep to yourself
Long and silent are the days
It feels good when the sun beams through the window
But that is short lived
Soon you will travel home
This journey will require no luggage
Your work is complete
All you ever wanted was to be loved
But love in this world does not come free
And you never had the money to buy it

You've played me long enough
Round and round I went
But this record has reached its final groove
The tonearm has lifted and returned to its rest 
Now there is silence
No one is dancing
To the beat of your drum I will never dance again

Everything passes
Like seasons that come and go
What you deem important today
Becomes yesterday's headlines
Soon something else will seem more important
Don't get stuck in a time capsule
From which there is no escape
Don't look back
Avoid that pillar of salt
Don't dream of what could have been
If it was meant to be
It would have happened
The hands of a clock can not be turned back
Nor can they be pushed one inch forward
Synchronise your heart and beat in time

Sometimes the vessel doesn't match the soul
Behind a beautiful face a demon could hide
It's a good place to seek shelter
But a shifty sanctuary
There are always pitfalls
Triggers that could cause a house of cards to collapse
The mask will drop and shatter
What will be left is the true self
Behind that beauty may be a rotten corpse
An empty shell ... a hollowness
A bottomless pit that could never be filled
Sometimes the vessel doesn't match the soul
Sometimes the vessel doesn't match the soul
Sometimes the vessel doesn't match the soul

I saw a ladder
It was set firmly into the ground
Reaching all the way up into the sky
The bottom steps were broad
But as it continued up
Narrower the steps became
Many people could climb the bottom steps
But the steeper and higher the ladder became
The less people could fit onto the steps
Most fell off the ladder
Back onto the ground
The ones who persisted continued upwards
Walking in singularity
No one to the left, no one to the right of them
Single file they soldiered on
At the top there was a bright light
Into which they were consumed
The ladder was pulled back
Like a carpet rolled up
There was now no connection between those above, and those below
And the wolves and the sheep had been divided

Some people think they're rich
Because some people have less money than them
Some people embrace the illusion that they're poor
Because some people have more money than them
It's the contrast of both that creates the illusion
Yet when this life is over
Both won and lost
And though they lived in separate neighbourhoods
They retired in the same cemetery

It was an ordinary nothingness day
I slipped on my clogs and went for a walk
The ones that smell like suede
It was cold, but sunny... winter sun
Very very still outside
The occasional motorist passing by
Where are they all going I wondered
The sound of my shoes
Like a horse galloping on a paved road
The trees looked particularly picturesque
As the sun hung still in the sky
I didn't feel sad this time
I didn't miss anyone
For a short moment I thought of things that could've been
But that was a fleeting thought that I shrugged off and left on the pavement
You have a reason to be here said a voice inside
Here... right now... in this specific space
In this place in time
You are simply somewhere on the planet
Breathing and living
Getting on with what is referred to as life
Breathe and live
Just simply breathe and live

Imperfection makes perfect

Every work of art needs a flaw

Such is life too

Who wants perfection

Who wants beauty without soul

Without character or strength

A beautiful vase with nothing inside

Talk but no show

Hot air but no action

An empty bag of wind

Add some rust

Add some dust

These are our life lessons

Don't throw them away

Don't ever forget

They made you knowledgeable

They made you wise

They made you the man and woman you are today

I can feel it in the air

I can feel it everywhere

A darkness has crept in

The world has gone mad

I'm fighting an invisible fight

There is no love left among mankind

I feel an icy chill down my spine

Everyone is on edge

Zero tolerance for one another

And even a kind deed is misinterpreted

People have lost all common sense

Conscience has gone

And the big 'I' with its best friend EGO has moved to the front of the line  

There is no room for God in a Godless world

For people have chosen hatred over Love

There were times that I had wished for you and I to be close

For our arms to lock into a warm embrace

But sooner or later the demons would get to you

They would use you as a stepping stone

To try and get to me

I would and could never permit that to happen

So in order to keep you safe

I have to keep my distance

At the cost of my own happiness

I have learned to love you from afar

I saw an old farmhouse

It reminded me more of a home than just a house

I pictured myself living there

I pictured having the windows shut and the curtains drawn closed

I imagined silence

Behind this house there was a big mountain

Snow white clouds spilling over the peak like pouring milk

There was that silent sound again

Back inside I pictured an old black bakelite telephone in the passage

Only I knew the number

I could phone out

But there would be no incoming calls

I've chosen it this way

The kitchen is cozy and modest

A *** plant in the windowsill

The television and radio have been stacked inside the ceiling

They have become dust collectors

The only sound is the ticking of the clock

It doesn't matter if it runs down

Time is not important here

Not in this space

I eat  

I think

I go for a walk

I return

I drink a cup of tea

It's late afternoon and the sun wants to retire

I read

I think some more

I turn out the light

I go to sleep and forget

The world is not divided between black or white

The world is not divided between gay or straight

The world is not divided between rich or poor

The world is not divided between male or female

The world is simply divided between the good and the bad

And you can, and you will find them

On both sides of the fence

This elastic band has stretched as far as it possibly can
Now is the time to cut the cord
Over enough is more than enough
It's time for the narcissist to be unveiled
Oh bride of Satan
For the wolves in sheep's clothing to be called out
Your time is up!
We've had enough!
People are not as stupid as you'd like them to be
That spoiled little brat of a child inside is to be silenced for good
Singlehandedly you have destroyed your relationships
Systematically you have ruined your friendships
Over enough is more than enough
The true meaning of loneliness you will now encounter
Your fragile mask has shattered into pieces
The protective cover has blown away  
Exposed you will stand
Finally everyone will see you for the serpent you truly are
No one is buying the lies you have so generously been selling
No matter how great a bargain
Your mind games and tactics have become stale
Over enough is more than enough
The reality which awaits you is harsh and bleak
From your put on laugh to the fake compliments
Both come from the same dark and empty space
A bottomless pit of deception in which you lurk  
Hollow vase you are
Collage of fabricated personalities
You model yourself on others
But can never hold down one character for too long  
Over enough is more than enough
Like a blank canvas you are vacant to take on any shape or form
You wear a fake smile and your eyes are dead
You destroy like a bull, but hurt like a baby
Your brain is corroded and your spirit is ill  
Your own medicine you will drink
It will consume you from the inside out
Implode you will
Troublemaker and schemer
Over enough is more than enough
You are driven by your severe deep-rooted insecurity and shame
You prey on the empathetic
Virtual vampire, always looking for someone to drain
You do unto others as you would NOT have done unto yourself
A conscience you were born without  
Quick to quote a scripture or two
But slow in applying it to yourself
And even the devil knows the score
Over enough is more than enough
Your condescending eyes will be plucked out by a ruthless crow
You will burn in your own defeat and your perfume will be sulphur
Down you will tumble from your pedestal
You no longer have a place in my life
You no longer have a place in my heart
But more importantly
You no longer have a place in my mind

I feel so far removed from the carefree days of my youth
From when the wind brushed my face
I could smile without feeling an ache inside
Now our souls have become dark
My aura is charcoal
Clear waters have become blood stained
My disappointment runs deeper than a bottomless pit
And I still don't have the answers

You earthlings...
You think you know it all
Yet you're so far behind that you think you're first
You were last in the queue
But turned your back on the rest
And pretended to be first in line
You suffer from a lack of compassion
A lack of understanding
And worst of all a severe lack of Love
You live in your falsely created world
Always looking for a leader
Yet you are incapable of following
You cling to your god called money
Everyone gets weighed on the same scales
You have no idea what a harmonious existence is about
Because you are forever fighting about land that belongs to nobody
It belongs to the earth you *******
Yet you gave it different names and marked it as your territory
Will you take it with you when you die foolish man?
You create wars and **** innocent people
And once the chaos is over
You receive a badge and get branded as a hero
Earthlings love chasing the wind
It's your favourite hobby
Nothing makes you happier
You weigh success in monetary terms
Because it's all you idiots know
You destroy what is precious and beautiful
Your unconditional love is conditional
Why don't you learn from the animal kingdom?
They belong to no political party
No organized religious group
They are simply happy to breathe
You see the world in black and white
Yet you have full colour vision
But tradition prevents you from activating it
You select what you want to know
And condemn what you don't understand

There once was a man who entered a pub
He sat down at the bar counter and ordered a drink
Minding his own business
Enjoying a cold beer sliding down his throat like silk
When a stranger approached him and took a seat right next to him
After some small talk the stranger asked the man
May I ask you a personal question?
The man replied, Sure!
He knew what was coming
He had heard this line so many times before
He also knew that the married stranger who had two kids was looking for something that he couldn't find at home
Are you gay asked the stranger blatantly?
Yes, I am, answered the man!
Why do you ask?
Not to worry said the stranger
I have lots of gay friends and they're actually nice people
Actually? responded the man
Yes, said the curious stranger
Then the man said to the stranger
Alright, so you've asked me a personal question
It's only fair that I should ask you a personal question too, right?
Right, said the stranger
Are you straight asked the man
Of course the stranger replied!
Not to worry replied the man
I have lots of straight friends and they're actually nice people

There once was a man who had a lover
One day his lover died
Shortly thereafter his cat died
A genie appeared to the man who stayed behind
He asked the man who he'd wish back if he could
His cat, or his lover
My cat the man replied
Why asked the genie
The man replied
It's simple, my cat never intentionally hurt me

Were we lovers
Or only good friends
I still don't know
Although in the same timezone
But somehow always in different seasons
We seem to miss one another
Like ships passing in the night
You seem to be doing well
Or so your pictures say
One never knows with you
Using your smile as a guise
But your eyes give you away
You are more transparent than you think
Wrapped in cellophane you are

Untroubled was he
But the blows of life left holes in him
Now the icy cold wind blows through those holes
It chills the heart
It chills the soul
He desperately tries to fill those holes
Like pieces of cardboard stuck in a broken window
He tries to camouflage the pain
Keep the turbulent wind at bay
Keep the cold out
But also to obscure the view
To prevent anyone from taking a look inside
Pretend is the name of the game
And he plays it all too well
But even games come to an end
Pause and delete
Before the game becomes too destructive
And there might be nothing left to salvage
Log out and exit
Game over

In a room full of unknown faces
In a circle we sat  
Familiar was the surrounding
Yet no-one was known to me
And no-one knew one another
Passed around was a mirror
Each took a turn to glance into it
In search of identification
The end of the circle the mirror had reached
There was one more face to go
Into the mirror a woman was hesitant to look
When a stranger's face appeared
Not hers was the face the mirror manifested
A face which was warped came into view
When suddenly from my nightmare I woke
The mirror never lies said that voice
Round and round a lie may roam
But no home will it find
Until it becomes tired of wandering
No choice will it have but to return to the tongue which created it
And the mask and its serpent will come tumbling down

I see it as it is
as it is, so I see it
just as it is, so it is
because it is what it is
and what it is, is it

Persona of void
Snippets taken from a cluster of characters
This is who you are
A collage of people
Devoid of Self
Like a stone covered in moss
You are consumed
An empty coat hanger
Ready to be draped in any garment
But no matter which face you decide to wear
Nothing seems to fit just right
And the mask you sport
Somehow always tends to slip

Turquoise you make my heart go blue
Not in a sad way
But in a deep way
You remind me of lengthy walks on a Spring afternoon
The turquoise gutters on a home
The turquoise eyes of a Siamese cat
You are the colour of wisdom
The voice of reason
The smell of a mother's scent
A glass vase displayed in a windowsill
The sun shines through
My favourite shade of blue

To live without tradition
To live without religion
But rather to have faith and hope ... for all
Simply to be one and not divided
Not to be seen as man or woman
Neither black or white
But as a person
Is that really so much to ask
Not to be a race or gender ... but a being
Just a being of self
No ugly ... no pretty ... no rich ... no poor ... no status
Just a person ... an existing and living being
Radiating Love towards all
To know that the light needs the dark
And the dark needs the light
Both need to coexist
No-one can perform a good deed if there's no evil to conquer
The street sweeper won't have any work
If there weren't people careless enough to pollute the environment
And so also the ants carried your breadcrumbs away that you left on the kitchen counter last night
But still it's good to dream
To dream of a perfect existence
Of a place where there is only Love and peace
A utopia I believe does exist beyond what we know
The perfect dream
The authentic dream

You'll only start to know a little bit about me after I'm gone.
You'll scratch the surface to find some details
You'll say...why did he not endure?
Why did he give up?
But you will never know the price of inner loneliness
While the rest of you dance
While the rest of you smile
A lonely heart is floating somewhere
Being used by the vultures who don't give a **** for life itself
And so it will come to pass
Moments you failed to express a feeling of care
A feeling of Love
A word of encouragement
But you kept it all inside
Brainwashed not to show emotion
The cost of time
Time you can't reverse

I'm really not interested in your bigotry
It's not my fault that you've spent your life standing in judgement of others
You wouldn't recognise God even if you had bumped into Him at the supermarket
Because you're too busy trying to find the devil behind every rock

When the shadows become long and slim
Stretching over the lawn in the park
I know change of season has arrived
It accentuates the loneliness
Sadness has arrived
Like a black dog on my doorstep
Winter is near
This time will be different I think
This time I'll be strong
But am I
Or do I simply surrender to that loneliness
Outside the winter sun is alive and well
Inside my home, the smell of lavender
I guess the housekeeper must have polished the floors
I hear the cry of a bird flying overhead  
Take me with you I scream
Yet my lips have not moved
I've missed the opportunity I think
Part of me angry, part of me doesn't care
But still the shadows are there
Accompanied by a stillness in the air
And how does one hibernate when forced to live

There are but two paths to tread by
Many categories
That of peace or conflict
That of hope or the hopeless
Ultimately divided into two
That of Love and fear
Some might say
Love and hate
The ultimate path is Love
But also the most challenging
To Love through the darkness
To Love through the storms of doubt
To Love through the hatred
To Love through adversity
Choose to Love

The day everything became nothing
And nothing became everything
Because nothing matters
Yet matter is everything
And everything always matters
Because of matter, a matter matters
And even when nothing matters
It's still a matter of matter
The fact that it matters creates matter
It is a matter of matter within itself

Speck of Dust

Sometimes the most valuable things in life are hidden in plain sight
And now that you are gone
We are left with only a void
There seems to be some kind of hollowness
While the days are long and deeply quiet
There's a tangible silence in the air
And nobody knows quite what to say
Words can not make it right
Words won't bring you back
Even tears seem futile
A picture frozen in time
Displayed in a time capsule
You are virtual now
And will never grow old
Your smile will never fade
The smile you so often used to hide the pain ... pain unseen
Your mask became heavier to bear
Like a goldfish in a small bowl
Swimming round and round
Life pushed you down just as you were coming up for air
But we will live by your request
To remember the good times ... for you

R.I.P
Lance Christopher Weyer
23 April 1987 - 26 November 2021


- sean achilleos -

Always afraid that time might run out
Always afraid that I haven't lived enough
Done enough ... gone the extra mile
Living in a state of chase
Looking back ... was I wild enough
Did I take enough chances ... was I crazy enough when young
Can the tape rewind
Can I live it all over again
Just to make sure that it actually occurred
Was I really there
Why did it pass so quick
Like a fleeting dream in the night
I blinked and the years had sped past
Half a century strong

Nature itself has boundaries by which it abides
The waters of the sea can only go as far as the shore
Unless instructed otherwise
Likewise you need to set boundaries in your own life
You are responsible for who you allow entry into your life
Keep the darkness at bay
But remain open to the light
Who is the light you may ask
Those who bring forth the best in you
And remember not everyone who says "I love you" is necessarily of the light
Weeds grow among flowers too you know
Who is the darkness
Those who practice envy, strife, and sow destruction
Who reflect their dislike of themselves upon others
Avoid such people
Do not engage
Lest they reel you into their bottomless pit of despair
Like a fly you may get tangled in a web
From which there might be no escape
And soon the spider will emerge to devour its prey
Learn from your mistakes
That's what mistakes are about
For you to obtain knowledge
But NEVER repeat the lesson
Forgive but keep a distance
Never allow your heart to be darkened
It will only make your enemies happy
The world consists of givers and takers
No one stands in the middle
Trust your gut
It will never tell you a fib
Keep the good and cast away the bad
But never forget what you had learned from the bad
LEST YOU REPEAT IT
Don't be afraid to use the word "no"
You'll be surprised how much power such a small word contains
Always try to do the right thing
And remember that the journey which you are on
Is YOUR responsibility alone
So remain true to yourself
And don't forget to enjoy the ride while you are at it

When I catch a bird's eye view
A city from above at night
Thousands of buildings
Millions of windows
Windows lit up
Where there is light
There is also life
In a sea of people
The most dreaded disease
Remains loneliness

I autopilot can pretend
I autopilot can feel
I may go about my chores
I may go unnoticed
Punctual is my middle name
But can you see what I feel
And can you feel what I see
Do you know what lies beneath the surface
You who are of many words
I could make you laugh
I could make you feel great
I could even cause myself to lose
To enable you to win
Deep within myself I hide
I dream of better days to come
I autopilot remain on mute throughout the days
I speak only when spoken to
I watch the moving of the trees from my favourite window in my home
And I dream ... simply dream ... just dream

I had to say goodbye to save my mind
I had to leave you in the past where you belong
You will never grow up
And I've grown too old to lie
Too over it to pretend
If I had lied
My emotions would have persecuted me
And my body language would have given me away
I don't wish it different
Because I don't like wishing in vain
The race has begun
But I'm not running
The fight is on
But I'm not fighting

The soul is no colour
The soul is no race
The soul is no gender
The soul simply is ...

I'm going to cut your supply
I'm going to starve that destructive fire from oxygen
The one which burns within you
That desire to hurt
I'm going to sweep your breadcrumbs from my doorstep
Take back your sullen energy
You who delight in sowing destruction
Look into the mirror of your empty eyes and see what's inside your toxic well
Your jealous empty heart contains nothing but deceit and destruction
Your blatant lack of empathy has unveiled your deepest secret
You have showed the world exactly who you are ... and finally we believe you
No more alibis for you
And once a serpent's head has been cut off
It will rage out of control ... but only for so long
Before it is no more
Like one who has been struck with madness
Like an addict without a drug
I am no longer your supply
I will save my empathy for those who deserve it
And I forgive myself for unknowingly enabling you by buying into your games
But most of all ... I'll be good to myself

I dreamt that I was in a cathedral I had never seen before
It was empty and serene
It was daytime, yet the candles were lit
The stained glass windows did not allow for too much light
I was wearing formal attire
It was then that I observed a child standing in the left isle
He seemed overcome by sadness and desperately lonely
The young boy came closer
At once he grasped me around my waist
He held me in a tight embrace
His little hands would not let me go
We were caught in a timespace
No words were spoken
Until the distraught boy broke the silence
Please, can I come home with you he pleaded
Though I recognised him from somewhere, I did not know him
Within a blink of an eye we were at home
The boy seemed happy to have found a safe dwelling
And I experienced a sensation of wholeness
Suddenly I woke from my dream within a daze
Trying to gather my thoughts
Trying to make sense of it all
Was it real or just a dream I wondered
Who was that child, and why did he look so incredibly familiar?
But the day had begun and the sun was bursting through the clouds
I stumbled to the bathroom, splashed my face with cold water ... looked in the mirror
At once I realised who the young boy was
It was me … Yes, me ...
I was the child who needed time and space to heal and grow
At an appointed time we met and merged
The pieces of a broken puzzle had come together
The inner child had finally come home

Mother you made me wear your coat of shame
A garment of lies you had created for me
A coat that never really belonged to me
I wore it as a cover-up
I wore it to please you
I wore it because I love you
And even though you're gone
I use love not in the past form
However one day my porcelain mask fell off
It hit the ground and shattered
It was time for me to spread my wings
My turn to fly ...
I was unable to continue playing the part
A role I had been given ... Like an actor in a play
A voice cried from deep within ... Be yourself!!!
Yet the weeds around my neck were still choking me
Words of obscenity they whispered in my ears ... ungrateful ******* is he
Oh how I wished they could have shared in the weight of my coat
A different tune they might have sung
They never felt its weight ... They never smelt its stench
How many times did I wish to take it off and wash it clean
Or simply toss it into the fire
Yet that coat taught me a lot
I could never lie to myself again ... A mask I could never wear again
They slip, they fall, they break, and they melt when the truth prevails
Yet from behind that mask I learned things
That no professor could ever have taught me

Ek is 'n alleen vlieënde uil
Ek ry op die rug van die wind
Niemand kan my hou nie
Niemand kan my vang nie
Ek lei 'n nagtelike lewe
Vol misterie
Deur die dag slaap ek
En ek **** ... ek **** nogal baie
Ek sit hier bo in my boom
Ek kyk af op die mensdom
Dom is omtrent die woord
Ek wonder hoeveel wysheid julle het
Ek wonder of julle weet *** groot 'n gebrek aan wysheid julle het
Dan in die stilte van die nag sing ek hoo hoo
Om die bygelowiges en die klein gelowiges te rattle
Veral wanneer ek op hulle huis se dak gaan sit
Dadelik skreeu hulle ... Iemand gaan dood!
Dan lag ek lekker in my vlerk vir die klomp simpel goed
Wat hieronder my rond skarrel ... Aih julle klomp liggelowige
My oë kyk deur julle
En ek weet dat julle my nie verstaan nie
*** kan julle tog ... Nooit!!!
Ek bly verre weg van die mens en die dom
Wat net wil moor en vernietig ... Di's julle natuur
Ek hou my een kant ... Want ek is een kant

Shadows tell tales
Shadows tell lies
Tall and slim they tower over you
Make believe that they're bigger and stronger
Shadow of a giant an ant can create
Believe its reflection if you will
Or know the whole truth
As the moon reflects the sun
Causing you to believe that there is light where there is not
So a lie could be concealed in glossy wrapping
And deception may cause you to look everywhere
Except in the right place

Like milk that has curdled
So you have left a sour taste in my mouth
Empty words and promises
Are what you have left to keep you company
You lied with no conscience
You lied because it suited your needs
To attention seek was your game
To thrive on empathy was your aim
But do you ... yes you ... practice what you preach ... I believe not
For every time you fell
I picked you up
Graciously of course you thanked me ... as if it were my duty
Like a man on a tightrope was I
When you abruptly removed the safety net from underneath me
Therefore your run to person I shall be no more
And just like me
You will have to learn to dance upon the wire
Like a trapeze in a circus
And there shall be no safety net to catch you when you fall

When I was young I wanted to be older
Nowadays I wonder whether I should walk on my hands so that gravity can pull my skin in the opposite direction
Gravity can be so unkind, yet I guess it keeps me grounded
I see miserable people live long lives
And the good die young
Like and Love ... some still battle the difference
Many get what they want
But is it what they need
Or just a need for want ...

When I was younger I was easily stressed
Now that I'm older I've come to realize that I've wasted a lot of time worrying about things I had no control over
I didn't have control over it then
And I don't have control over it now
Every time I go through a bad time in my life
It makes the previous times seem less bad
It's then that I ask myself, why the hell didn't you just enjoy yourself
What you were stressed about seems so insignificant now
It's like looking at a picture of a past love
You almost always ask yourself ... What was the fuss about ...
And somehow they never appear as pretty as you had remembered them to be
The veil has come off and the ******* truth has been exposed
Like the man who is hungover in the blistering sun
It never goes down well
And no one wants to be twice a fool ...

When half a century of my life has gone
I'd like to live in the countryside
Or maybe a cabin next to the sea
I would like a dog and cat of no special breed
Windy days to dangle the wind chimes
A Capil heater in a modestly furnished lounge
Curtains shut for instant midnight and candlelight for thought
No loud noise, and no glare from an insensitive TV screen
Bombarding the beautiful silence with negativity
A little art studio on the side where I can explore
Bottles with stained water and paintbrushes
No exhibition for condescending tongues and haughty eyes
Maybe all the above is just a dream
It may never become a reality
But it is still a dream
And maybe ... Just Maybe ... I can dream it into reality

This morning I picked up a card
It was a seven of hearts
I wondered what it could mean
Lately I've been praying for Love
While others pray for rain
Maybe I'm just a fool for believing true Love exists
I know that fony Love exists
We've all been there
Back to the card
What could it have meant
Why did I pick it up
Is Love on its way
Or am I just a sucker
Who can't resist picking up someone else's trash