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don't blame me, it's not my fault.
you're afraid of the decisions you have to make.
you're obsessed with what isn't yours to take.
you're tired of the confidence you have to fake.
you're ashamed of the way that you break.
stand in your place, and don't blame.
and the coward points their rot finger at someone else, hoping that this will make them braver. but blaming doesn't purify, it keeps rotting them from inside
 Mar 2021 TObed
Lauren Johnson
I will spread dirt into every crevice of my broken heart and plant flowers so big and beautiful, that their roots will mend all the shattered pieces back together, and you’ll never be able to see the mess I used to be.
 Mar 2021 TObed
Angmar Miedema
Life is a constant flood of change.
And I'm going down so deep.
I have never been afraid to get lost.
Cause I've been lost  ever since I got thrown out into this black sea.
There is no comfort and no warmth in the depths of my being.
I'm not at ease ever, just surviving, sometimes even diving into the sand of the bottom.
Just to try not to feel that I'm inside this deep dark mess full of distress with no way out.
No end in sight, just waiting for when the time is right.
But as long as there is time, time is never on my side cause I can't manage any of it.
And it will always be nighttime and never be the right time when I'm trying to escape the water.
Leaving everyone down under when I'm trying to cross over letting my body drift away.

Life is a constant flood of change.
All of our homes will be destroyed and our skin, flesh and bones broken and rotten.
Things can be forgotten eventually but also torture for a while or for a lifetime.
A lifetime that is long when it's not changing in the right ways but the dark ways.
Where the nights are never save and the days will not behave when you have to do something and always fight alone.
It's so dark and I just have to give in to that it's happening.
Trying to sing but actually it's scary even though I'm not really afraid.

Life is a constant flood of change.
It's just all scary when you're alone walking.
Who cares, not me but I'd just really like to see the end somewhere in all of this.
And that I can get my friends to safety when it's their time to move on with me.
Let's take a long awaited journey across the layers that are covering our true identity.
Our spiritual potential and let's claim it again for once and for all.
Let's get out of this place where we have no power over.
Shoot up high and aim for the stars beyond the layers of this prison that we shouldn't have to stay in.
I believe in me and us and so now we only need to trust it will be done.
I want to make this final change for me to get out of this flood of change.
Will you come with me?
08-03-21
 Mar 2021 TObed
Po
and i know what its like to be used
and i dont know how to get to sleep
and i know how to shush my crying
and i dont know how to write a formal email
and i know how to be used
and i dont know how to act my own age
and i know what its like to be heartbroken
and i dont know how to feel
and i know what its like to cut  
and i dont know what a non-toxic relationship is
and i know what its like to not wanna be alive  
what do i learn when im 16?
 Mar 2021 TObed
Honeybee
Depressed
 Mar 2021 TObed
Honeybee
It’s not that I’m lazy
I just lack the motivation
To do anything
 Mar 2021 TObed
Honeybee
Don’t open you mouth when your angry
You’ll regret it
Don’t mutter
It’s not ladylike
Don’t curse
You won’t be respected
Don’t talk about politics
You’re too young
Don’t talk about sexuality
It makes others uncomfortable
Don’t talk about your emotions
It’s selfish
Don’t cry while talking
No one will understand you
Don’t yell
No one will listen

Don’t just don’t
No one wants to hear your voice
I’ve heard all of these things so many times that I’m just fed up with it!
So I thought I’d share my opinion here

DON’T LET OTHERS SILENCE YOUR VOICE!!!

Your opinions matter
Remember that
 Mar 2021 TObed
Honeybee
War
 Mar 2021 TObed
Honeybee
War
Each of my scars
Is a battle
That I lost
Against myself
 Mar 2021 TObed
tranquil
they buried a poet
sprinkled his words over coffin
tossed a book into dirt alongside
and waited few decades
to have a leaf sprout
for winds to carry his lines
far
to one with open ears
another circle in a world of squares
have phrases strain down the cheeks
into ink smeared on paper


buried in a trashcan
in a diary
in a library
in dirt
everywhere really...
circles
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