dear you,

i fear i don’t know who i am anymore.
when i ask myself those very words, “who am i”, your name gets echoed through my bones like it’s mine too.
you’re no longer mine,
it seems my heart
and whatever’s left of my soul
refuses to accept it.

my soul keeps me half awake at night
still awaiting your call.
just awake enough to notice
if my screen lights up.

and my heart,
broken as ever,
holds on to the hope
that someday
you’ll want me again.

i think that hope
is what keeps it beating
and is why it’s not shattered
into fragments of
what we once were
what we weren’t
and everything we’ll never be.

today was like most days,
we lay together in my bed.

skin to skin.
heart to heart.

your head resting on my chest,
our breaths syncing onto one rhythm.

you held me so tight,
with such love and care.

the only difference today,
from all the days before,

was that today,
you wiped my tears as they fell.

and today,
i wasn't your girlfriend.

yet you still looked at me
with the same love in your eyes.

maybe even more.

if roots can wait,
beneath the earth,
for a rain they cannot live without.

and if the stars wait,
lingering in dusk,
just to see the moon once more.

then i,
full of burning ache,
can wait too.

I will wait for you.

my love for you was unconditional.
your name engraved itself in my heart,
embedded itself into my soul.
loving you came naturally,
as if I were made solely to love you.

but you
you had your terms and conditions.
you would love me
so long as it was easy.
your heart never ached for my warmth.
and when the time came,
you let go
without hesitation.

for you,
I would have always tried.
always fought for us.
always stayed.

for me,
you had your limits
and I exceeded
your terms and conditions.

i see you
crying in silence,
trying not to be heard,
trying not to be seen.

i see you
wiping away your tears,
trying not to be sensitive,
trying not to be a burden.

all you wanted
was someone to hold your heart
with the same softness
you held theirs.

i’m sorry no one saw you.
but—
i see you.
i hear you.

and i love you.

My whole life, I’ve felt like I’m living a life that isn’t mine,
Following a script I didn’t write, wasting away with time.

I never imagined a future, I just live day to day.
Am I a puppet, playing a part, until I decay?

I don’t remember who I was before melancholy caught me;
It seems to be all I know, all I feel, all I think, all I see.

Maybe this is my purpose, to endure these thoughts with persistence.
I exist so you don’t feel alone…
How unfortunate my existence.

Rain is pouring,
Ive never liked the rain.
It ruins beautiful days,
Leaving its gloomy stain.

I’ve never liked the rain,
It pulls me into bed.
The rain drowns it all out,
And I end up trapped in my head.

I’ve never liked the rain,
And the way it makes me feel.
How could I like something so pitiful,
I’ll never see its appeal.

I’ve never liked the rain,
Writing this poem, I now see.
I’ve never liked the rain,
Because rain is like me.