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  May 2018 Eleanor
Katelynn
How can you not hear it?
My heart,
Racing.
My mind,
Screaming.
I can’t hear anything else.

It comes from nowhere,
And everywhere.

It begins with the slight shaking.
Hiding my hands,
In hopes no one notices.

Breathing becomes irregular.
Take deep breaths,
Yet it comes out so shaky.

A smile stays plastered on my face.
Everything will be alright?
It won’t

Quickly to excuse self from the area,
Hoping no one will notice.
Keep the smile,
Hide the fear,
No one can see you break.

The room is quiet,
Mind definitely isn't.
But it's going to be okay?
Right?

Never know for sure,
Can't focus,
Too much shaking,
Screaming,
Racing,
Yet the room is so quiet.

Words are coming,
Too fast.
They're never good.

Vision blurry,
Mind screaming,
Hands shaking,
Heart racing.

someone’s coming

Breath hitches,
Hands hide,
Can’t let them know,
How broken it is inside.

They ignore the signs,
The fear,
The hiding,
They never notice.

After time,
Mind whispers,
Hands steady,
Heart rest.

It’s over,
But never know for how long,
For now it doesn’t matter.

Smile returns,
Finally return back to group,
No one notices the absence.
They never do.
This poem is about panic/anxiety attacks
Eleanor May 2018
Isn’t it funny
How poets dramatise everything
“An ocean of depression”
“A death grip of love”
We just can’t help ourselves
It’s who we are
It’s part of being a poet
Over analysing life
Deeply contemplating death
“What is the meaning of life?”
Everything is philosophical
There’s always a lesson to learn
An issue to address
A heartache to confess
I couldn’t even resist a little alliteration in the title.
Eleanor May 2018
ok
I’m not ok
I’m far from ok
I’ve been this way
For more than 1 day
Eleanor May 2018
Treading water on the deep dark
It’s cold but the sun is on your face
If you look down you'll go down

Now a loved one is there too
They have hold you to stay afloat
It’s harder to stay above the dark
You’re fighting to still feel the sun

Now another, and one more
You’re weighed down, with love
Fighting, for every breath
Desperate, for help, anyone
There’s no sun, left, on your face

Sinking, cold, dark, lost, endless.
Eleanor Apr 2018
Pinpricks on exposed skin barely causing a flinch
Ravine like gashes excruciating and unbearable.
But both are pain
Is one more valid than another?
Is a sister more sensitive than a brother?
Letting those pinpricks pierce her heart
Or does the brother just hide it from the start?
Must the pain be physical to be real?
So must one’s emotions make a physical deal?
These are some formidable questions answered not by scholars but by the ones who feel
Eleanor Apr 2018
I’m fine.
Really, I promise I’m okay,
See I’m smiling,
So please get on with your day.

I’m fine.
I can see the worry in your face,
See I’m smiling,
I’m really not your pity case.

I’m fine.
I’m really not that sad,
See I’m smiling,
So how can it be that bad.

I’m fine.
These are tears of happiness,
See I’m smiling,
I’m no damsel in distress.

I’m fine.
There’s no problem here,
See I’m smiling,
But I could disappear.

I’m fine?
I’m not sure anymore,
My head filling with doubt,
I am bruised inside and out,
I feel like I’m worth nothing,
And nothing anybody says,
Can get these stupid thoughts,
Out of my stupid head.

I’m not fine.
Not even okay,
Can someone help me please,
I can’t do this by myself,
I can’t get out of here alone,
I need a helping hand,
But I can’t ask for help.
I can’t scream!
I can’t shout!

See I’m smiling...
I’m fine.
Eleanor Apr 2018
Fly
I’ve been waiting in my darkness
For you to pass by
But never in a million years
Did I dream, that you
Would be the only one
Who could teach me
How to fly...
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