I realized, I can't live without you.
What has it come to.
I feel straddled, scared, not secure.
Up and down, tumbled like a roller-coaster.
Bipolar complexities and nuclear power.
Brains at an over load.
Overthinking , over-analyzing obsessive thoughts of you.
It's annoying, draining, completely mentally exhausting.
I am drawn out, fatigue, over blown.
Overstimulated.

I want you out of my head.
Leave.
Escape my thoughts so I can be at peace.

Split personalities playing mind games again.
The heart of an angel, mind of a joker, the soul of a devil.
Which is which?
Are they all replicas of me?
Versions of me, the worst.
It's black and its white.
Which side wants to be seen today?

Pick one

I hate my life.
My life has no meaning without you.
I don't want to do anything.
I don't want to meet anyone.
I don't want to go out.
I ****** Hate everything.
I wish I had you back.

Hermiting.

Stuck in my shell.
I miss you

The odds are against me.
I have lost.
Depression and in anguished pain that I cannot even get myself out of.
Obsessively fixated on you.
My mind is chaos.
I have a headache from all the thinking.
On my phone all day.
No will, motivation or strive to do anything.
Exhausted, fatigue.
Blown out.
Sick of the crying.
The crying makes my head sore.
I can't seem to escape the misery.
No one to talk to.
No one to tell how I feel.
I feel alone.
Driven by pain.
Can't get my thoughts away from you.
I miss you.
I hate the fact that I had to ghost you, kinda cut you off.
I want you, I love you, I need you, I crave you, I wish I could have you.
I have hit the rock bottom way down.
I hate my life.
I hate you.
I am angry, completely ******* at you.
Yet, I miss you.
Why did you do this!!?????

Why????!!!!

I miss you.
I wish I had you.
I hate this distance between us.

Dreaded in agony
Exhausted, mental fatigue
Depressed...
Things hitting a low steep
Inner turmoil and chaotic confusions

Space needed, emotions at a very high peak
Saddened by the thought

What misery
Space, I need to be alone

Leave me be
I'm exhausted

I guess I could say, I've emotionally detached from myself, my feelings.
The longing, the pain, the yearning
It disappeared.
Like thin air, ice dripping, frozen, hard.
Cold sweat.

I have it all.
One could say I'm the luckiest person they've ever met.
I live in a luxurious home, I have a high authoritive position in my job, I'm in the process of living my dreams and becoming famous.
I'm glowing, my skin has never been so radiant.
I'm happy.

Yet, the snowflakes fall in my heart, and it feels like I've become....
Nothing.

So detached
A piece of me is trembling and fighting for that pure feeling.

I've invested myself into my goals, my work, to the point of not even feeling or needing love.

Everything is so pointless to me like the drip of a million raindrops that don't hit the ground.

Withering and floating in the air, left to wander.

I am complete.
Yet, a deep part of me still wants that intense love.
To feel is pain
To touch is lightning

But now, I feel nothing

Life, in all its forms and shapes.
Weeping eyes and willows of dark days.

I wallow to myself, tears fall beneath me.
Addictions to things I could never afford, attachments to things I could never hold.

***, money, love
It's all seems  meaningless, superficial.
But it isn't.
*** is powerful, it's intimate and creates a physical bond.
Money is tangible, it's creates images and status. It gets you things to survive.
Love is magical, strange, and completely insane.

Overthinking every thought and detail in my mind till I explode in hopeless mental trauma.
Thinking myself into my own darkness, where nightmares do not escape.
Detachment is beautiful but what is attachment if it hurts?
Hurts to get attached to anything.

Like the pull of opposite directions intertwining you.

Stop my mind.
Stop my addictions.
Stop my secretions.

I'd rather be blind

Sometimes I think to myself...
Will this detachment ever free me?

These meaningless hookups...
These one night stands...
These flings...

I'm tired of it all.
Will I ever find true love?
Will I ever have an intimate and passionate moment with someone that is based on more than just the physical?
It saddens me to think about.

I crave closeness...
Emotional intimacy.
*** based on love and soul.

Yes I love ***...
But I'm tired of these meaningless situations.
Tired of it all.
I want more