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Rachel Jun 2019
Wind hustling through the night sky.
Blue light shining from above.
Swinging to the top.
Falling back down.
The sound of laughter and talking muffled.
My thoughts louder.
“I’m fine.”
Rachel Jun 2019
I’m used to it when this happens.
Closest friends to strangers.
So why does it hurt so much?
Rachel Jun 2019
I see your messages in others.
I smile.
then cry.
Because I remember.
Maybe I cherish those memories too much
that I can’t let you go.
Yet I’m no one to you now.
Rachel Jun 2019
There’s this order I go in.
I find.
I fall.
And I forget.
And as much as it hurts.
It leaves in a flash.
Because every feeling I felt towards you
Is every feeling you have for them.
And that’s okay.
It’s just time to follow the cycle.
#heartbreak #sad #cycle #life #depressed #love
Rachel Jun 2019
I miss you.
I miss the way you used to comfort me.
Now during my breakdowns, my first thought is you.
And how I felt you were the only truly one who understood me
And now that you’re away
I’m forgotten.
You said I would always be your best
But when we saw each other again, it wasn’t the same.
And that’s when my heart broke
Because as much as we say “I miss you”
“ I love you” “you’ll always be my best” or “I’ll never leave”
It’s never true .
Now you’re calling someone else your best.
And I just watch.
And think about how much I loved.
And how I still cherish you.
Thank you.
I love you.
I miss you.
Rachel Feb 2019
She works hard yet doesn’t receive
All the support that she wants to see,
For others it’s not a big thing
But for the voices in her mind
It means everything.
She wants to be better and tries her best
But the best is never enough
So she stresses out and wants to be done.
She distances herself
Loses herself just to not feel
But as it all gets stored, it starts to overfill,
And finally starts to spill.
This is what she had been waiting for.
It all comes back, harder than ever.
The lies, the shade it’s all too hard and yet she still stays
Because of the small bird that never fades.
Every day it sings their song
And every day she listens and wipes her tears.
“Tomorrow is a new day.”
  Feb 2019 Rachel
Joliver
If there was one word
One word, isolated by itself
That I cannot stand above all others
It would have to be "Okay"
I despise "Okay"
"Okay"
Is how your millionth day at work went
"Okay"
Is off-brand raisin bran
"Okay"
Is how you say life is going
When you don't want to admit you spend
Every second of it
Wanting to die

"Okay"
Is packed to the brim with
Hidden implications
Like a treasure chest
Filled with bottles
With little subliminal hatreds
Written on tiny slips of paper
Passively aggressively pushed inside
To discover later
As I pull out a treasure map
And try to decipher
Where I went wrong

"Okay"
Is a one word dismissal
That feels like an essay a thousand pages long
"Okay"
Is a poison dripping with disinterest
When I dared to share with you
Something I thought might make you smile
"Okay"
Is like trying to talk to a wall
While watching the paint on it dry
"Okay"
Takes two seconds to write
Yet I waited days
For that dreaded word
To grace my notifications
"Okay"
Should be used sparingly
As if each time you send it
You **** the receiver just a little bit
"Okay"
Should not be said so often that
I know what you're about to say
Like I saw it in a crystal ball
"Okay"
Is not looking up from your phone
When I tell you about my day
"Okay"
Is not the proper response
To "I love you"

They say that the opposite of love isn't hatred
It's indifference
And I can't think of a response
More indifferent to pouring out
My heart into your hands
Than "Okay"
At least the last thing you said to me
Before we parted ways
Showed that you cared
At least a little bit
"I hate you"
Stung less
Than the thousands of times
Over our countless conversations
You responded
"Okay"
Okay?
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