It's been a long journey to find myself..
Dark thoughts and self harm along the way..
Demons scratch at the fragile walls of sanity..
When will I find peace?
When will I be happy?
This dysphoric feeling of confusion..
Who am I?
What am I?
Where do I belong?
Am I her or am I him?
It was so confusing at first..
But now I see.. I am him.. will this make me happy? Darkness threatens me. The demons continue to claw, making me more fragile..
It's hard to pretend to feel..
To feel anything other than pain and emptiness..
But the journey must continue..
For I want to be happy.

I ******* upset again
I need to keep my problems to myself
Maybe then, you wont feel like it's all about me..
My heart hurts knowing how selfish I've been
I'm sorry...
Will holding everything in help you?
I hate being dramatic, but i can't keep hurting you over and over
Please forgive my selfishness..
You're not the one in the wrong
I can promise you that
This isn't about me but about how you need me
I love you dearly
So never think that I don't

My chest hurts so much
All I want to do is scream and to bleed
How much longer do I have to feel like this?
Why do I have to suffer?
It suffocates me
It makes me think things I wish I didn't
It makes me feel things I can't physically and mentally handle
It hurts
Make it stop...
Please just make it stop.

I can't see.
I can't hear.
I can't smell.
All I can do is taste and feel.
Help me.
Guide me to the light so I can see.
Bring me to a crowded place so I can hear.
Spray perfume around me so I can smell.
But all I can really do is taste and feel.
Wait!
Wait...
I don't need to see.
I don't need to hear.
I don't need to smell.
I'll be fine with what I have.
This way...
I can taste your scent much more.
This way...
I can feel your presence much more.
Just like this.
My life can stay how it is.
With you.
Your scent.
And your touch.
I don't need anything else...

Thank you.

Your aura is that of mixed emotions.
The pain in your eyes are visible.
You shove it back behind closed doors and lock them tight.
Why do you let yourself suffer alone?
Share with me.
I'm here to listen.
I want to shoulder what you shoulder.
Come.
My arms are open.
My mind is clear.
I will bring you warmth.
My mind is open for you to fill.
Take the offer.
No rush.
Unless you go to him then fine.
I understand.
My arms will still be open.
My mind will still be clear.
If I have to I'll wait for the rest of my life here for you.
Don't let your demons win the battle that's inside your head.
You can win.
By yourself maybe not for long.
But you're not alone.
I'm here.
Forever.
Always.
With open arms.

Is it wrong to "be in love" with someone who is taken?
For me it's a sin.
Why does my heart always have to search?
It's tiring.
Doesn't my heart ever stop?
My body won't be able to keep up for much longer...
Will I be strong enough for what my heart is about to endure?
It'll have to go through hell.
Will you be there to pick me up when I fall?
No. You'll be far away with a family of your own.
Please dont leave.
I need you.
Where are you?
Why aren't you here?
My heart yearns for your love.
My body yearns for your touch.
My mind yearns for peace...
There it goes... the peace.
Don't go!
Come back.
Please...
All of me calls out for it.
For you.
My soul cries...
It wants its mate.
Maybe your soul is the one?
My souls soulmate...

Ah music.
If it weren't for you I'd have gone crazy.
So many songs.
So many to choose from.
But only one certain one helps me.
I've always wondered what it was like to create a song based off of how I felt.
Honestly I would be terrified if the things going on inside my mind were turned into music.
I must not let people know what I think.
I'm scared.
Will the music save me?
No.
It'll let me down.
Like everyone else.
They try to help me but they can't.
I'm too far gone.
Their hands aren't able to reach me.
All I can do is float in this void and hope that one day someone will reach out and rescue me.
How much time has gone by?
I'm not for sure.
It feels like forever when it's been minutes.
Come to me my light...
Vanquish this darkness surrounding me.
Warm my cold soul.
Help me feel again.
Bring me the music of peace.