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Absolute Shite
Nobody May 2018
Absolute *****
Why am I so scared of losing something that isn't mine?
I mean what time is it anyway? Think I forgot something,
or maybe someone...?

I've been lost in drink, and tears, and pills with various shapes
why do I always pick the ones I can't have?
What a life joke is sometimes!
Listen -- pain will always come in various huh? and sizes..
and what of my fate? To suffer? to wither?!
Always, always.. just lost in a daze...
or is this all just a phase?

I can't remember right now, the hours getting late
and i'm buying a stairw.. wait, what was I saying?
ne-way, whatever, I dunno but It makes me wonder. :)

I hate being like this, but I can't give it up,
cause' ya know, they say drugs ****; but baby,
I'll tell ya somethin' thrilling
the largest cause of death.. I mean really..
is just being born, and well ya' know, maybe.
but **** it, someone once said come as you are
revetahw, lets not talk falsely now
I'm lost, minds ****** and fried,
and I've eaten far too many pain killers.
I hate myself.
#scared #lonely #drunk #high #funny #notfunnywhatever
Continue reading...
Apathetic Monkey
Nobody Jun 2018
Apathetic Monkey
I'm lifeless

Running out of time
Inbetween wanting and desiring nothing
Things are never easy, it comes and goes
They say life is priceless,
doesn't mean much to me
I look in the mirror and only see hate
there's nothing inside me worth wanting
nothing out here worth touching
just can't shrug off my tears
cause I've lived this life
beneath a mountain of fear

I'm nothing, nobody, and I just can't keep up
with everything everyone wants, always been a ******
I'm diseased, plagued by failed wantings
every moment passes with a bit too much haste
this life will be nothing if not in vain
I seek remedy to rivers overflowed in pain

and in the end, will I get anything I've wanted?
can't stand to live without my emotions being blunted
so I hide away in days best left unsaid,
and forgive me cause' all I'm saying is nothing worth reading,
and the entirety of whats to come,
doesn't deserve repeating.
Continue reading...
Apathy
Nobody May 2014
Apathy
The whole world is broken,
and all those dreamers who carry on
walk like blindfolded fools to their own demise
you see there really isn't any reason
and if you find one, you've sold yourself a lie
we disguise our disappointment in life with
dreams and chasing happiness that doesn't exist
because really, all that exists is a lonely world
where we can't escape from our solitude
barred from knowing why, but it's just a dream isn't it?
it's whatever you want to tell yourself,
I can't accept the silence, because I hear your voice
and I know right behind it's refusal, is everything
so it's never going to be alright

so disappear into this dream and fool yourself,
for happier tomorrows, but everything you chase
boils down to variations of a simple feeling
one that mask's the pain, so all your struggle
to obtain such a simple thing, is wasted
when you could just as easily manipulate that feeling
with a simple chemical.
Continue reading...
Artistic Contemplation
Nobody Apr 2021
Artistic Contemplation
My world moves, who's speaking?
who's bleeding? I'm bleeding?
I'm bleeding! My demons!
a gentle reminders all I need
a subtle contemplation
on idle tendencies that destroy
we reap what is sown, I fear my face
who's to say, what's gained
what's lost
or whom

I'm nothing, nothing nothing nothing!
I'm here, I'm not
please forgive me
I'm not here anymore
not here
not here
anymore!

I let the sound in
I let it destroy me
within it's palace
I am known, unknown
I am healed
It pierces
all that's vulnerable
all that's pained
all that's bleeding
it makes me whole
it makes me lost
it makes me gone
breath breath breath
I can't breath
I can't stop
Seething
Bleeding
I seethe
I am..
I am..
not here.
For all the musicians who've made life more bearable

"Just breathe, breathe into me"
- Psyclon Nine

"It's so dark inside- I can't breath inside
I can't move inside- now fade away"
- Reveille
Continue reading...
Ashes
Nobody May 2014
Ashes
Life is absurd

Most of it beyond belief, and it's really just a figment
a solidified dream, one that leaves me feeling empty
because I can dream so much more, and all those dreams
don't mean a thing, and my journey has grown tired
and stale, and It will never shine again, because
at every turn, I'm reminded of how foolish I am
there is no magic anymore, my worlds grown hollow
and every belief, is like a song that ends too soon
if you take a hammer, and smash the world to pieces
it's beautiful, but as the ashes of the world settle
and solidify, you never know how your mind will end up
I like the world in ashes, thrown into the air
because that's the only place where everything is beautiful
Continue reading...
Ashes
Nobody May 2014
Ashes
Life is absurd

Most of it beyond belief, and it's really just a figment
a solidified dream, one that leaves me feeling empty
because I can dream so much more, and all those dreams;
don't mean a thing, and my journey has grown tired,
and stale, and It will never shine again, because
at every turn, I'm reminded of how foolish I am.
There is no magic anymore, my worlds grown hollow
and every belief, is like a song that ends too soon.
If you take a hammer, and smash the world to pieces
it's beautiful, but as the ashes of the world settle
and solidify, you never know how your mind will end up
I like the world in ashes, thrown into the air
because that's the only place where everything is beautiful.
#beauty #reality #creativity
Continue reading...
Betrayal
Nobody May 2014
Betrayal
Oh how it hurts, the warmth of your voice and the shattering of my heart
when you whip venom into my mind with the flipping of your tongue.

This isn't how it used to be, when the stars lit up the skies
in all directions around me, and everything still felt ok.

Oh, how much more can I bare? My heart is filled with angst,
angst, fear, jealously and hate.

Oh how these things poison my mind, and each time I try to shed my skin
and be reborn into something, someone, anything better,
you find a way back into my heart, and into my mind
and my pain only grows, and each time you leave me more frail.
Fragile, and on the edge like a star that's on it's last leg
about to burst every last bit of it's beauty across the universe
and die a slow agonizing death.

And it will be the last of you, the last of me. Thing's might of been better
but I fear it will never be that way, for the life of me, it's all been a cruel joke
and every soft bit of my heart, has been torn apart and replaced with scabs

but even scabs are chewy enough for your pointy teeth.
Continue reading...
Betrayal
Nobody May 2014
Betrayal
Oh how it hurts, the warmth of your voice and the shattering of my heart
when you whip venom into my mind with the flipping of your tongue.

This isn't how it used to be, when the stars lit up the skies
in all directions around me, and everything still felt ok.

Oh, how much more can I bare? My heart is filled with angst,
angst, fear, jelously and hate.

Oh how these things poison my mind, and each time I try to shed my skin
and be reborn into something, someone, anything better,
you find a way back into my heart, and into my mind
and my pain only grows, and each time you leave me more frail.
Fragile, and on the edge like a star that's on it's last leg
about to burst every last bit of it's beauty across the universe
and die a slow agonizing death.

And it will be the last of you, the last of me. Thing's might of been better
but I fear it will never be that way, for the life of me, it's all been a cruel joke
and every soft bit of my heart, has been torn apart and replaced with scabs

but even scabs are chewy enough for your pointy teeth.
Continue reading...
Bothersome
Nobody Oct 2015
Bothersome
I can't stand this world.

It's a place filled with lies, a world filled with sorrows
A place of violent madness and pitiful tomorrows.

Truth is ineffable, saddening, and out of grasp
and some days I just can't take it,
because the sum of all we are is something that just can't last.

And I promise all these tomorrows will be sunnier day's,
Yet the sun is sinking, sulking and withering away.

My mind just won't stay quiet, it's running and spinning'
and dizzying in shades of grey.

If I could find a point, a purpose, or a meaningful way
I'd trade all my treasure, my pleasure and call it a day.
#depressing #sad #existential #angry
Continue reading...
Colors
Nobody May 2014
Colors
I'm never ending, just beginning
now im trying as my mind has begun
to fly and all that I feel is colored
everything I mistake, I recreate
Reform and I change,
this constant inspiring lack of self
desires of insanity trapped within
the clouds of my mind-frame
and my mind-frame is that of being all alone
this devoid lacking sense of motivation
is reminiscent of desperation

when we're all alone, there is no-one
left to cry my name and I glide
on winds of thought all alone, as alone
as the universe is all on it's own
always wondering why, can't you tell
that none of us are really alive?
separated from above, everything you've
been is a cleansing lie, save yourself
from yourself, hatred spills from emptiness
like night time skies absorb all reason
with a flash of imagination these times
are rewired, much left to desire
when everything we want is what they
told us we'd die for all along.
Continue reading...
Demons
Nobody Aug 2012
Demons
When you've seen the things I've seen,
it's hard to let go, this special world I've created
is like a beautiful painting with it's own sonnet
and when im there I feel alive.

Life is spent in moments, and all that we are
is defined by the roads we take

and I want to take the difficult route, the one
that rewards you forever, but I keep finding ways
to betray everything I need, by continuing to take
everything that I want

It's not easy when your mind is full of demons,
I keep fighting when I should be standing still,
and I stand still when I should be walking away,

I can clearly see my mistakes
but I continue to make the wrong choices anyway.
Continue reading...
Dreaming
Nobody Aug 2012
Dreaming
By the time you take a look, it's gone
fleeting moments ride out their days
in the oceans of my mind

The *** of gold luring me to the end
is as much a phantom, as the rainbow road
leading me there

And the many detours into hell
leave me a little bit lighter each time
and perhaps I should be more wary
of peace, than of the many torments
that seem to be blocking my way

for if I ever find lasting peace, I've probably
traded the truth, for a very beautiful dream.
Continue reading...
Fantasy
Nobody May 2014
Fantasy
What is this ****?
This intangible thing I can't seem to overcome
It's all sorts of things that go bump, and I can't really define
Everything I've come to understand has been a lie
and I really did believe, now everything is crumbling under
the weight of my running away, because in this life
there really isn't anything to believe, nor anything to hold,
as if the point of my life was to understand, and come to find out
There's nothing to see, nothing to hear, nothing to feel,
just the epiphany that all there is to life is now, there's no tomorrow
no yesterday, and everything spinning in circles in the mind
is a fantasy.

This idea of carrying on, or of disappearing forever,
of me, and of space and time, it disappears in quite solitude
but to give it up, is another thing all together, because
thoughts are very convincing, they start out few
and eventually there amassed in numbers so great
that the idea of silence and of peace becomes just that
another idea.
Continue reading...
Glory to the conquerors!
Nobody Apr 2016
Glory to the conquerors!
It's a funeral!

Not quite a funeral, but the ceremony
right before the big show

except the audience is empty,
and my thoughts are without purpose,
my existence without achievement.

let us give pause for the man with no future
for today is his funeral

let the trumpets play, and the blackness envelope
our minds as we say goodbye to a life that had
no hopes or dreams.

Because of the millions born,
there must be the broken ones, those without purpose
and without the love it takes to prosper.

so I say, let's have a funeral for them, and wish them goodbye
for our thoughts are better placed where we will find our own happiness
and where we can fulfill our own desires at the expense of our mothers glory

the precedence has been set, and now it is all we can see
let us consume, let us exhume all that glitters and glows
for god is waiting with open arms, and empty chests
awaiting our accumulated bounties!

when the time arrives for our funerals, let the world never forget
a fulfilled life has passed, and let us praise the ones
adept at these greedy systems, and at self fulfillment
those able to forsake the few who just cant make it
for they are but an eye sore, on the beauty of life
where all that extends before me is mine, and mine alone.
Glory to the conquerors
#greed
Continue reading...
Ground of being
Nobody May 2021
Ground of being
I am the lightning
I bring the rain
I am your sorrow
I am your pain
I am far away
but I'm right here
Continue reading...
Hate
Nobody May 2014
Hate
This is

The end of a phase
The beginning of an era

Where hope is the villain
and everything bright with dreams
of happy endings

Is perused with intent to ****
I'm not your friend
I'm not your savior

I am the gun
buried in the hate
of everyone who's ever felt
the sting of betrayal, the whip
of hate searing it's name
into the bowels of your heart

I am the beginning, the ending
of everything to come
I am your friend burying the knife
in the back of everything you believe

I am a creature of your makings
Feed me, Keep me
Hate me HATE ME

And just before you forget me,

Remember all that's been done
before its too late and everything you love
becomes forsaken, destroyed
and is left in the wake of everything,
everything you've had me become..
Continue reading...
Heart
Nobody May 2014
Heart
as the petals of time, ever eluding
softly drift where the wind carry them
footprints in the snow scatter the fragile
thoughts of the millions who call this home

I hear them and they cry for me to let them go

..I havent got the heart to tell them...
Continue reading...
Hello, Hello, Hello?
Nobody Apr 2018
Hello, Hello, Hello?
Shadows Darken around me
Silence seeps from my mind
casting a shroud that none see
a sort of prison that only I feel,
and I'm so numb, feeling dumb.

Sort of glad to be here, it's surreal
a prism of light hidden for a time
sublime pleasure, and I feel it all
Just don't miss the vein, say again?

It will all be ok in the end....
Continue reading...
Hells
Nobody May 2014
Hells
By the time you take a look, it's gone
fleetings moments ride out their days
in the oceans of my mind

The *** of gold luring me to the end
is as much a phantom, as the rainbow road
leading me there

And the many detours into hell
leave me a little bit lighter each time
and perhaps I should be more wary
of peace, than of the many torments
that seem to be blocking my way

for if I ever find lasting peace, I've probably
traded the truth, for a very beautiful dream.
Continue reading...
Hey
Nobody May 2014
Hey
All this show is for something I could never be
my love is the only thing saving me
in my heart I feel as one
If not for good then I'll just give what I can
I wish it was absolute but I am just a man
all these voices in my head
appear as mirrors to other sides of grace
as I stare wholeheartedly
your eyes are all I can seem to face

save my soul just to sell it for something more,
just to have held something pure..
and before I go
give my love to all I see, cause,
Theres nothing greater inside of me
Continue reading...
I do not write poetry.
Nobody Apr 2016
I do not write poetry.
I do not write poetry
to please and delight
forever the purpose shall be
to tame my bleeding aching heart.
#haiku #purpose
Continue reading...
Illusions
Nobody Aug 2012
Illusions
There's a universe inside the mind,
distinct from what comes in from the eyes
and the ears and the skin.

It's echos move like ripples over disturbed water
and it speaks in momentary flashes of thoughts
emotions, feelings.

It's en-caged by our own limited ideas, and concepts
but when you set it free, it begins to come alive
it moves like a tree sprouting fourth from a seed

There's a universe inside your mind, and you'd never know it
because the moment you try to capture it, all you've caught
are the feathers of the beautiful bird as it flies away.
Continue reading...
In Due Time
Nobody May 2014
In Due Time
This life is a ride in which I've seen visions of a path
formed and suited to fit all that I have seen and done.
As all is waiting to be created and spun

Pain exchanged for wisdom of everything I love
and If you follow this rhyme from line to mind
from ignition to exhaust, it will leave you
in the mud and exhaling dust.

I have yet to give words of advice
I suffice to say it's hard to express
but in due time they will follow
and find their way, though the sun peaks from
clouds withered in silence as they slowly decay

They will follow in many forms and steps
through this deceptive circle of monotone color

in a time where inspiration is hard to find
I'll live by the word of everything they find absurd

So in the eyes of time let your existence have meant
the world to all whom see your light and they will follow

through this place as hell as it was written in this
hollow graveyard of broken wealth, till the end of time it'self.
Continue reading...
In the blink of an eye
Nobody May 2014
In the blink of an eye
In the blink of an eye

A thousand lifetimes have passed by
A million lives have come in and out of existence
A billion laughs laughed and a trillion tears cried

and what am I? What is this insanity that surrounds me?
A material world that shifts position according to my beliefs?
An Inner Dialog that would drive the Buddha mad

The Incoherance of this world is so thick it drowns out all reason,
until my insides scream so loud the world around me begins to bleed.

Following the white rabbit until nothing is as it seems,
to departing and inventing an illusory world based around
the consensus of a society so engulfed in fantasy they communicate
and relate to each-other using memories accumulated from watching TV.

I want to *****, and escape from this madness, and what is it?
What is the true nature of this place we exist within?

None of it makes any sense, is the world mad, or is the way in which I perceive it flawed?
Is my mind broken, or is it a reflection of that which surrounds me?

my god, let me out of this place.
Continue reading...
Joy
Nobody Jun 2021
Joy
My mind is lofty
wound up in the sound
of joys heaven sent
a recompence of dancing in the clouds

I've come and gone
and all those marooned feelings that arise
seem ethereal as the winter moon
reflected in the summers tide.
Continue reading...
Letters to dead poets; Chapter 1: To William Blake
Nobody Jun 2021
Letters to dead poets; Chapter 1: To William Blake
In that endless night
we heed; cold and bitterness
unto the morning light
Sightless vision binds our eyes
madness disembarks into our lives
A cold dark prison earned
is the bittersweet sentence served
A life stolen and a life lived in hush
tis golden silence upon that burning bush

Trembling utterances on the grave
it's the human heart that we poets save
In this final night and in that coming day
let all that you dream become what may
for once the fires lit, the dream is here to stay.
In response to:

"Some are Born to sweet delight
Some are Born to sweet delight
Some are Born to Endless Night"

From auguries of innocence, by William Blake
Continue reading...
Leviathan
Nobody Jun 2021
Leviathan
Some nightmares find you
while you are sleeping
Others apprehend you
in the midday sun

Some nightmares seize you
and pull you into the darkness
from where you stand
in the midday sun

Those are the type of nightmares
that freeze my blood
Those are the types of midday dreams
where everything is nothing
and nothing is as it seems
Those are the type of nightmare
that drives me to my knees in prayer
beside myself in fear of the midday sun

A mind fractured
and cast away into the sun
There they appear; those apprehensions
legions of haunting apparitions
with malevolent intentions
those which freeze me in solitude
in the heat of the afternoon sun

I am screaming
I am clawing
Am I screaming?
Am I clawing?
Who is that pounding!
Who is that pounding at my walls?!

That is my monster
that which fosters
occupancy in my thoughts

A nightmare
This is what pursues me
That is what moves me
and keeps me awake
screaming at myself
at the top of my lungs
in the heat of the midday sun.
Continue reading...
Magic
Nobody Apr 2018
Magic
What is there to believe?
Whats left? What's next?
Like a magician with a card up their sleeve
Everything that's important..
Ceases to matter to me.

So Fake; Make believe..

Pick a set of false memories
Make a book and read it thrice
Pick a destination and throw the dice

It's just, it's just this life...
Continue reading...
Monsters
Nobody Aug 2014
Monsters
One day it will all end,
be it in a sea of fire, a radioactive wasteland
a barren place with no tree's or signs of life
and we'll still be fighting over what's left.

We are disgusting.
Once nothing is left, We'll still be fighting.
Fighting over our ideas and ideologies.

We are disgusting.
Just maybe we don't deserve to survive.
We can't even face how terrible we really are.
We are monsters, and we hide it from even ourselves.

Don't look in the mirror unless you really want to know
just what you are.

Once you see it, you just might think.
Maybe we don't deserve to survive.
Continue reading...
My friends
Nobody May 2021
My friends
Confronted by a towering wall
spanning miles above me..
..I..

Get a grip! says one of my men.
it shan't be long now-
attach the hooks and wires,
and climb-!

As I stumble towards the wall
something arches fourth
from my stomach
some kind of muck or mire
comes rushing forward
and my mind disappears

Awakened by the foul stench
of burning sulfur and coal
I open my eyes, groggily
and though blurry and strained
I perceive small little hooven feet
dancing about me

Yet no fear is within me
my aversions long gone
for this sight is one
I have grown accustomed to
I live among them
pray among them
I search my soul
which is littered with
legions of these horned monsters
each having various faces
are they me?
are we you?
are we sane?

I hardly care anymore
the clutter strewn about
is what remains of my
sanity
the cobwebs attest
to just how long
I've treaded hereabouts
I'm tired...
I say good Sirs, and Madams
I am so very tired.

Shall we fetch you a cup of tea, sir?
No, get me that bottle over yonder
Yes, Sir-!
Mam, the bottle appears to be empty
Empty you say-?!
I swat away the pest
and hunt for something by which
I can use to dim the light of my vision
stampedes of friends bring me many more gifts
illusions, fantasies, various pains, and love letters
each smiling with crooked menacing teeth
they appear gifts in hand, and up to evil no doubt

Sir, shan't you take your morning brew?
Madam, I have taken it, and I am indeed due for more

With cup in hand, I ask of my friends
to lay me down and help me to sleep
using their tiny hands and arms
they pull shut my eyelids,
and as I begin to lose my vision
I perceive in the distant clouds
the saddened face of someone I once knew
frowning
as the face disappears into the moisturous clouds
I faintly remember I had something to do
or maybe somewhere to be?
However for now
I think I shall enjoy various brews and cups laden with
miseries
and I shall share them with my horned and bedeviled friends
because my body, mind, and soul
has come to very much resemble them
or perhaps they me?

Cheers.
Bring on the misery!
Continue reading...
My Gift; My Curse
Nobody Jul 2014
My Gift; My Curse
Why do I even have to ask such questions?
When the answers float in front of me,

What makes life a gift, or a curse? Is it circumstance?
Is there a choice in the matter at all? Or has this moment simply
been waiting to be since the beginning.

As haphazard as I am, even I find good days,
Even on the days I'm withering away inside.

I ponder my circumstances with the vigilance of a soldier
waiting for a stray bullet to pass by his head.

What a way to live, what a way to write poetry.
Let me tell you, poetry is about as good as ash
tossed in the sea.

It serves as a fossil, a reminder of the past, but through
the binoculars of a different person.

It doesn't explain a thing either, it's just text, an empty shell
Once the shell falls away, what remains is what we sough after, but never wanted.

Let me tell you, When pleasure is followed by pain
there's nothing but destruction
but when pain is followed by understanding,
well, maybe, just maybe.
Continue reading...
My little raft at sea.
Nobody May 2018
My little raft at sea.
Everyone who's ever loved me
has abandoned me one way or another
and soon left me alone, drowning
in my own little sea of shame
and with no one there to save me
I became tired of playing games
where I'm the one left wanting
left desiring
left...

And when you speak my name
all that will come out of your mouth
is shame.

I tried to be everything they wanted me to be,
see I gave it my all, now it's falling apart
and in my head I simply long to be free
What is free anyway? See?
See?
See...

I've never known,
Never had enough to lose to care,
and never cared enough to lose what I had,
now it's really enough,

Enough..
Enough...
Enough....

Please,
Please take me away

On your tiny little raft floating at sea.
Untie the rope from the dock and let it drift
and carry me with the winds, and when I land
in lands so far away from myself that I can no longer
find a mirror or thing that evokes a memory,
Maybe I can finally say, I'm free,

Hey, hey, hey hey hey!

I'm finally gonna be free...
#melancholy #sad #loss #depression
Continue reading...
Never Enough
Nobody May 2018
Never Enough
This life is never enough, were trained tough,
just tell me when, tell me when i've hurt enough..

in this life the people you love
they never feel the same, no they never feel the same..

im crazy, im pathetic, empathy driven irratic
its tragic, when i see your eyes, i gotta look away
from this feeling inside, like my heart drops and
blows the moment away

eyes like mirrors to blackened skies.. this reality,
it lies.. it lies and i've never felt this way
its a shame..

to play this game, live two steps behind
cram the pain inside, just to feel my heart
explode and watch as my dreams slowly die

and they die.. they die, they die..

now im slowing giving up inside...

please save me, just save me from this life

and tell me when i've hurt enough..

(inside..)
Written in 2007
Continue reading...
Nothing to see here
Nobody May 2021
Nothing to see here
A small bit of hope
found in the most awkward
of ways
I'm contented
in my contempt
beside myself in asides
and I fan the flames of beauty
sometimes the words hang loosely
they appear thinly veiled in my mind
and yet, I question just whom writes the words
I feel that I've never written
a single poem in my life
I wonder just from whom
all the beautiful words flow
perhaps talent, or skill, or luck
or maybe just maybe, a spirit
who is all too happy
to use these idle hands.
Today the words won't come, easily
And, well, sometimes
I throw up my hands in defeat
because this poem is really terrible.
Yuck.
Continue reading...
Reality
Nobody May 2014
Reality
What is there to do when your mind's a mess?
The worlds a farce and everything is just too much.
I hide my face in worlds hardly seen, where reality is thin
and gods and demons roam in-between.

For me peace is only found in dreams, or when
there's a disconnect between myself and the world
usually found in a dose or ten of my favorite pill.

Solitude has been my best friend since I entered
this world, and much hasn't changed, I see the roles
know the cues, but I've never felt like I belong

Often times when I'm feeling blue, I can even lose myself
in my favorite tunes. Eventually I have to face it
you know', the one thing that never ceases.

“Reality is that which when you stop believing in it doesn't go away.”

And there it is, the thing we all must face, in differing ways
and in changing paces, eventually we all must face our inner demons
and I must say they have many faces.
#reality
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Snowing Ashes
Nobody May 2018
Snowing Ashes
I penned a pen bent out of my mind
asylum I seek, and of fetid dreams I reek
silence dreaded, but it seems it's all she can speak..

should have taken my time, but padded cells
they shook us to the core; in our loneliness
we held each other in embrace like no-one
has ever been held before; today I awoke
dizzy; confused, and admitted to another shore
one that swashes in pain; like an ocean of glass
and with each break, her memory shreds my heart like an open sore.

so I slowly begin to wash away the pain,
disaster being; my mind isn't even mine,
and it's always been that way;
even before I realized sanity was just a game
but in the grind of life,
it's a hellish reminder to not have been born very sane.

profusely I beg, and plead; but it's as plain as day,
she's never coming back; so slack, and bleed, and cut as we may;
administer the habitual as I plead and pray--
not to cut too deep; because this life
it's already taken most of me away.
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Stop
Nobody May 2014
Stop
What an unbearable agony
My mind wont stop spinning
and at every point of impact
im pulled along by every thought

I can't stop and everything is painted
with meaning that isnt there
and it's like being torn apart from the inside
by a tornado made of razor blades
like being lit on fire and weighted down
in iron shackles

and in my pain
I lash out at the notion I could stop this
at any time
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The crawl
Nobody May 2021
The crawl
If I had to choose
would I brave that dark sea
waves crashing relentlessly upon me
knocking aside the armor I've spent so long
meticulously piecing together

My heart is a fortress
made from clay
water is its natural enemy
and you on your island
are my greatest hazard

I am lost
this place is hostile
this place is intoxicating
a field of flowers that wafts in scents
so noxious in their delight
and so alight in their beautiful lament
that I have become contented
by their blissful deceit

My senses are distracted
my emotions discordant
I am wrapped by bliss and serenity
in a pinkish fluttering landscape
shining with translucent vibrating orbs
that hum rhythmically in hypnotic bliss
their touch gently imparts a melody
a beautiful sound so pleasing
that it effortlessly puts to sleep my demons
slowly slowly slowly
I fall asleep
aware that at night
this beautiful scenery shall come alive
in full reveal of its true form

It begins with wicked howls
and growls so low that the ground begins to shake
as the beautiful shapes begin their fall
the monsters emerge
and all those shiny
beautiful things
unfurl
their true forms revealed
monsters monsters monsters
all the lies I wrapped upon my vision
begin to unravel, and my fate is known
I slept willingly inside a monsters nest
knowing of it's deceptive nature
I napped
I slumbered
I slept, willingly.

In this place nearly as dark as my own mind
I found comforts in the vivid illusions
biding time to gather
biding time to steal
the strengths I needed
to stand
to move
the strength to fight
to love
the strength I needed
to be myself

I think to myself; what a mess
should I allow this wolf
to devour my heart
in exchange for the strength
to overcome my blackened vision?

Shall I again approach the world with eyes open
and to never allow myself again to be blinded
to truth, to suffering, to miseries
shall I wander forward
without shirking in defeat
with my body in shreds
my heart half devoured
to nimbly avoid those pitfalls
and wrench loose from my misery
the strength I require to scale my dreams
with nothing but
razor thin wire
which is dangled
from heights so far away
that my true destination
is shrouded by distances
further than these eyes can see
much farther than all my strength
wisdom and perseverance
could ever hope
to overcome
and still
the rope I've found has been set
and I begin my ascent
filled with terror
filled with awe
slowly slowly slowly
I ascend
to that place which is
beyond the wildest
of dreams
Where shall I begin?
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