Nikki

Nikki Apr 2023

My inexperienced and innocent little heart
So eager to learn, have adventures
Even collect a few scars
Whatever it takes to feel alive
To feel something

Skipping a beat at the very thought
Positively nervous with anticipation
Yet enveloped by dark clouds
A constant reminder of the truth
That systematically crushes every speck of hope

#reminder #innocent #fragile #heart

Nikki Apr 2023

No need to pretend to care

Hey, want to hear something funny?
I hate myself and I hate my life
It's a terrifying *******, just like my future
But hey, rest assured, and keep ignoring me
Cos I'm more afraid of dying then of living

There's bad days, worse days and what's the point-days

Nikki Mar 2023

Contagious Hate

All around me
I see hate
Polluting the air we breathe
Infesting the soil under our feet
Attacking the cells in our body
Like a cancer
Eating away at our souls

They hate people for their skin
For what they have
For who they are
Just because they are different

Once it has a hold
It spreads like a wildfire
That cannot be contained
And burns bridges left and right

And worst of all
It's a contagious virus
Because misery loves company
And people love to hate

STOP HATING START LOVING

#loveourdifferences

Nikki Jan 2023

Dominoes

I am suddenly overwhelmed
by a terrifying feeling

Right now I’m still in control of the chaos
but soon it’ll control me
as it always does
Any day now
the dominoes will come tumbling down around me
Until one day none are left standing

I’ve been dreading that day
since I was a little girl
crying myself to sleep at night
Hoping, even praying, it would never come
because when it does
I’ll feel a loss - a pain - a sorrow
like I felt only once before in my life
But this time it’ll keep coming for me
domino by domino

And it will tear me to pieces
because I’m not a strong person
however much I pretend to be
I might’ve grown on the outside
but on the inside
I’m still that little girl, lying in bed
crying her eyes out

#sorrow #loss #chaos

Nikki Nov 2022

Why would you?

I don't know what i expected
Someone to notice me
And not ignore me
Someone to reach out
A helping hand

A naive and childish notion
Because no one cares
They never do
Why would you?

Nikki Nov 2022

Notice me

How badly must i bleed
For you to notice?
How close to the edge
Must I go
For you to care?
When will I be enough?
Who do I need to be
For anyone to notice me?
For anyone to love me?

Nikki Nov 2022

A happy beginning

Always the lonely passenger
In the empty train car
Imagining carefree laughter
And mindless banter

In search of
A little flicker of hope
To know that there could be more to life
Than those empty,
Agonizingly lonely years.
That it was leading me
To my happy ending
And my happy beginning

#roadtohappiness