Everything has changed
My heart included
Because even though
I'm surrounded by people who love me
I still feel like I'm alone
And my heart breaks with every snowflake that falls
And looking in mirrors still scares me
New years makes me think there's another chance
To dream again
Of something that will make everything feel whole, that will fix me
But when it comes around
And everything changes
I face the fact that my soul doesn't change
I will still be me
I just have to learn how to live with that

Your love tugs on me like a leash.
Keeping me close.
You say it keeps me safe,
but I can feel that it's choking me.
Why won't you set me free,
So I can let you go?
I don't want to be stuck here forever.
Like a chained dog.
Dreaming, choking, tragically loving you.
I can't forgive you, that's why I'm still here.
I want to believe you're still good.

when you remember the names
of dead poets
when you recite their works
read them before you go to bed
you make their endless effort to be immortalized
worth the sacrifice

You've started to fall like snow into my mind
Covering everything
With a sparkling blanket
Of softness
The sun reflecting into my eyes
You are a trillion stars
A million lives we have lived before
Do you remember me
Do you feel this too?

I've never stayed.
Until the end of time, I will be the life lesson, the phase.
Everything or nothing, refusing to be anything in between.
Forever the person everyone loves the most until they get tired of my devotion.
I give them all the love I have to give and destroy myself for them.
I build my world in their heart and let them bomb every brick I put in place.
Here I am, pretending I let them go.
But every single one of them lingers in my mind, none of them ever truly leave.
Besides, I'm pretty **** sure they wish my love was infinite.
And I could still be the undamaged girl they fell for.

how do I tell you
that with you I feel safe
the child in me clings to you like you belong to me
how do I tell you that I'm not in love
that I'm simply still a child
looking for a home, for safety
how do I tell you
that I started building a home for you in my heart
and I lit a fire to keep you warm
how do I tell myself
you don't belong here
I have to learn to save myself
instead of waiting for someone to give me everything
to hold that child in me
how do I tell you, how do I cry
how will I ever learn to say goodbye

in a couple months I will be eighteen years old,
an adult.
I have yearned for this day,
years and years..
I hear a tiny voice in my head:
"is it over now?"
and all I can do is mourn the loss of a childhood I never got,
but we're safe now.
it's over now.