Age 4, Your father broke your heart before any boy had the chance too.

Your life will be completely different without a father

Age 5, No one to call you princess

You cry when you see your friend's father call them princess

Age 6, No one to hug you when you cry from bullies

You hate going to school

Age 7, No one to tell you "I'll beat up every guy that hurts you"

You don't get to laugh when he says that

Age 8, No one to tell you are beautiful

You hate your body and think your fat

Age 9, No one to tell you "It's okay"

You cry yourself to sleep every night

Age 10, No one to tell you, "You are perfect"

You think you are the ugliest person in your school

Age 11, No one to tell you, "You are too young for boys"

You get your heart broken over and over too young

Age 12, Your father is not there

You miss him and ask yourself why he left

Age 13, Being told you have "Daddy Issues"

Age 14, No father to tell you, "You look beautiful without make up"

You beat your face with make up

Age 15, No father to say to your first date, "If you hurt her, I will **** you"

You get hurt

Age 16, No one to dance with you when they call in daddy daughter dance on your sweet sixteen

You ask yourself why he left again

Age 17, No one to tell you to change out of that clothes because he knows guys couldn't resist

You might get *****.

Age 18, No one to tell you, "My little princess, you have come so far, I am a proud father"

You see all your friend's father telling them this and miss you

Age 19, No one to warn you about ***** boys

You have to fight off a guy

Age 20, No one to tell your boyfriend, "I have a rifle, I am not afraid to use it"

You don't get to say "Dad!!!"

18+ age, No one to walk you down the aisle

You tell yourself, "I made it, I made it through the good and bad"
You have a husband or wife or neither, you made it without him.
You made it through the tears, the heart aches, the pain of missing him. He missed your whole life, you realize he didn't deserve you or seeing your life grow.

How can you look into their innocent eyes and slaughter them.
Because every time I look into their eyes, I see their soul. I see the beauty in them. I see their kind hearts being broken and beat down. And you know what is even worse, after all of that, they would give a second chance because all they want is love. They weren't even supposed to be born, their mother was *****, then had to see their babies taken away. And from when they were born, all they saw and felt was pain. And you know what's even worse, after all of it, they would give a second chance because all they want is love. From when they are born, to when they are about to get slaughtered, all they want is love. You eat pain, suffering and torture, and if you see what happens to those innocent souls and still eat it, you are just as bad as the people who own the companies and slaughter them.

I can't breathe,
I can't calm down,
I feel tears running down my cheek like a waterfall.
I tell myself 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...9...10, In... Out.
I tell myself to be brave because you need to smile.
A smile can hide everything.
My skin is red and my eyes are a different color.
Luckily they haven't noticed.
I quickly walk to my room and cry for 2 minutes and go out with the biggest smile anyone has seen.
Sometimes I can not go out, sometimes I stay in my room and just stare at my empty wall emotion-less.
My heart is beating so fast I am afraid I am going to have a heart attack.
I call my dog in and I hug her like there is no tomorrow.
I know she will always be there for me.

I honestly think I would be a lot happier without my family.
I constantly get put down when I am with them. I am constantly building my wall when I am with them and I make sure that my mask would never come off. I sometimes get verbally abused by my mother.  I constantly get verbally abused and physically abused by my brother. My grandfather constantly expects me to do more than I can emotionally do. My grandmother constantly puts me down. The only person who doesn't ever bring me down is my aunt. My family is toxic to me and I am waiting for them to realize that.

Love comes like a crashing force,
invading your heart,
like the shores of a beach,
then leaves like the evening tide,
taking away your joy,
replacing it with emptiness.

No one knows how I feel about you,
no one knows the pain I feel every second.
No one knows me and sometimes I want to just tell them but because of you I have trust issues.
I hide behind a mask every single day and I am getting tired of hiding.
No one knows the dreams I have had about you. No one knows that I see you **** my family in my dreams almost every single night. I know you are not a murderer but my fear has taken over after you knocked on our door after 5 years of nothing.
You broke my heart before any boy had the chance to.
Within these 5 years of pain I began to lose pieces of my heart everyday. Now I just have enough left to keep me alive. To keep me from stopping my life.
I watch my friends with their father and I am happy for them but I can't help but wish I had one too.
So, I go to my guy friend and he shows me that a man could be trust worthy.  
I remember when you said you would beat up every guy who hurt me but I don't think you would hurt yourself.
Sure other guys have broken my heart but what if my superhero is my villain.

Last night I realized I only keep photos of when I was happy as a child, when my brother and I had a nice relationship and before he turned out like father, when I wasn't insecure, when I was care free and worry free. I keep only those because I hope one day I will get that back but I know that won't happen.