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Merlie T Jul 2021
vibrant green field
so bright the grass
appears almost yellow
A comforting sun
shines upon it all
encasing it in Heaven
Merlie T Apr 2020
An infinite sky exits within my teacup.
Rose, mint world..
in a porcelin bowl.
Blue backdrops the newly budding tree,
its green sprouts compliment the sun with
their shine.
I do not wish to drink this world away.

My tongue is dry.
My lips wrinkled from the thirst.
I kiss the bowl one time.
And swallow this world.
Merlie T Mar 2020
A dozen halos surround my eyes
as I gaze upon the way
November sun bathes
concrete and grass
From the south it shines
upon my face
Comforted by the chilled
wind of Autum
Pointed green needles
of Evergreen trees
dance to the bustle
the window blows
I long to bustle with the trees with the wind
I hear chords playing
a kind of tune
with which the human spirit is illuminated from the core,
bathed in sunlight
like concrete and grass
Oh, what a gift to be...
Merlie T Feb 2021
I open my soul to take in:
the wonder of winter's clouds,
the way sunlight reflects
against the body of a river,
bird's wings splashing, and
flowing gently with the tide


I wish to take in this view with another.
He is a lover of mine, but the pool of such feelings run shallow in him.
Merlie T Apr 2019
Let the wind
carry sweet whispers of my love
to you
Let yours echo
Calling back to me
Through the winds of the trees
Bustling
Kisses and ever good wishes
Eternal in my heart
To yours
And back and forth
And back
Until it is in your arms, I reside
Merlie T Apr 2019
Laughing Goats on a
Green and Yellow shore
Waves HIT
and retract

Sobbing Segals circle
A light house
Bobbing with the lights out.

An old man crashes into the rocks
The darkness too consuming
for him to see.

The Goats laugh,
but the segals cry!

no more suffering, no more please

The Billy Goats Grin
We dimmed the bulb to brighten our hearts!

The segals wings fall from their bodies
SLAM against pavement

The segal nosedive down...
down....down...DOWN

Washed Away!

we've washed away against the red ocean's deep!

The Goats laugh
Atop their green
And yellow shore.

They grin as it HITS

*retracts....HITS....retracts
Merlie T Jun 2021
Peppermint tea
licks my lips
Morning in April
a sky so blue
Merlie T May 2022
Burning my core
A crackled Fire grows
With heavy woods
I work to dull it
They only feed the flame

Reason is without me
Though I try my best to cling
Any ounce of sanity
All this feels in vain

Navigating my spirit is an ocean
Depths, lows, and highs
Creatures frightening
Terrifying and kind
It all awaits

The fire and the wood
And the reason and the sanity
And the depths, lows, highs
And all the creatures in the deep
They come from me
Merlie T Feb 2021
A pitty to lose so young in life
A greater pitty
to live with pain and strife.
Growth from the grievance
is for all we can hope
Removing the grip from our throats
Shaken and stirred
in a sea of hurt
To burn one's own tongue
tells of a healing which has only begun
Merlie T Jul 2021
A poem of hope
for when you feel you have to smoke
when mom's words rip and hurt
when you see the ground 9 floors below
and wish to hit it swiftly

No one to let go
has ever landed without regret
to stay here seated now is the safest bet

But the moon is round
and gold and big
If I reach real far, will I get to it?

The answer is no, and that is OK.
You're here on Earth where you're meant to stay.
Merlie T Feb 2021
I just want bright light and
         endless blue sky.
Back drop me in   never ending
hills of green!
The wind dancing with my bangs,
a smile draped across my lips.

I want to sing my heart out so loudly!
Merlie T May 2022
A running stream of consciousness
flows into the meadows
The bright and green made brightest by the sun
Blooms, flowers, bushes and bugs exist together here

When the large hand Death comes
With its dirt, dry fingers twists the stream of the spout off shut

Goodbye to the freshly flowing water, and blooms and flowers
bushes and the bugs
Sweet dreams to sweet consciousness
Forever and always
Merlie T Feb 2021
If I must go blind
to stare into the sun,
SO be it.
I'll squint my eyes,
making rainbows with my lashes
Merlie T Aug 2021
Sweet, brown eye'd boy
Curls of black hair
loose round my finger tips
Warm, golden hands
hold the small of my back
Your smile
shy and stunning
fills me with the sun
Merlie T Mar 2020
But we are never sweet
No kisses nor loving glance
We have ***-
and its nice.
You're gentle, more so
than those who have loved me.
But we are never sweet.
Not to each other, not to ourselves
Merlie T Apr 2020
I feel the cool water
at my back, I see
tall, green, summer grass.
The sun shining through
And a splash...splash..splash.
Merlie T Jun 2021
Through many moods and moons
I've felt the heart of your soul
moving me like clouds through the sky
A guiding wind to journey back and forth
Love me always through the bluest nights,
like stars shining in the desert.
Ever-long...Ever-lone....
Bright light backdrops the most immense gray as I dream
of you and you and only you forever among the cosmos
Merlie T Jul 2020
We have cried rivers
We have cried seas
We have carved cliffs
Mountain ranges
And the shore
When our tears were dried up
We exhaled the deserts
Glass
Made beads of sand
All the grains
Of the universe
We have consumed
And rebirthed
Merlie T Jun 2020
Creativity does not come with the pen.
I have 1...2...3....4..5!
I have 5 pens.
Yet creativity, I have none.
Merlie T Jul 2021
The mind so powerful
I wish it not to
wash me away
as though I were
Algae
along the shore
Journey'd to the sand
only to be
scooped up, ****** and tossed
right back into the
watery world
Merlie T Jun 2021
Its only distant chatter
The pieces are all scattered
If you told me last year
we would all be here

The mountains have lost me again, its true. Washed upon the river, its edge held me close.
Thinking of the ones who
I miss most
Merlie T Apr 2020
I've had these dreams each night
I can't seem to remember names. Just bodies.
Faces Evade me
Action
Movement
Conversation
Volume
Touch
All my senses engaged to the inertia, the energy, the power-
Each night I come back to this palace.
The Watering Hole
of a society who's waking life has been forced into sleep
People destined to find one another
Hear one another
See one another
Feel one another
We are all but dreams to eachother.
Wishing to wake up to a reailty that for the first time
is sweeter than dreams.
Merlie T Jun 2021
Drunk mit dem joint,
forcing myself to write
Listening to songs I know
work me up
Feeling their message deep
I wouldn't feel
this way if it were another time
Merlie T Feb 2021
Drunk mit dem joint,
forcing myself to write
Listening to songs I know
work me up
Feeling their message deep
I wouldn't feel
this way if it weren't another time
Merlie T May 2022
I want to be present and
thinking about the world
Not worrying about myself+my mental illness+wellbeing.
Maybe I can find that out in the flowers
Merlie T Jun 2021
Each time I return to the market
I bring home with me
two bouquets of fresh flowers
to fill a vase found long ago
in childhood with my loved ones in Mexico
Another
from a shop near by, once meant for tea
A porcelain elephant
now holds cold water for fresh flowers
Merlie T Jun 2021
Carried along the wings of the wind
The spirit sings
a song so pure and true
all the love in the world goes with it then
Merlie T Jun 2021
Vibrant greens dazzle
like Aventurine
to remind me
opportunities await
outside in the air
love, kindness, pain wind
all call my name
in the brush petals sway
side to side
I am carried away
into the bright
white light
Merlie T Oct 2021
Moment to moment
Hour to hour
Day to day
The rest of a lifetime.
A bouquet of flowers
from a passer by
extends this moment to an hour
Hopefully longer soon
Merlie T Apr 2020
Have you ever been so high..
..you touched the true colors...
...of our sky..
..pinks, reds, oranges, a mass...
Up..Up!..Up!
FINALLY.
Soaring without regard
Your greatest peak.
Merlie T Jun 2020
Your Hot Skin
Warms mine
Belly against Belly
Lips pressed to Lips
You are so Beautiful
in this Lamp Light
Merlie T Jun 2021
I see Heaven in the clouds
its entry revealed
in the way light
reflects with the sun
Merlie T Sep 2020
How does the big love go?
Explosions in the sky...
A walk
A glance
The final squeeze from
one hand to another
Old familiar
Gone then
Back when?
Or the gentle steady
weight of a hand
on another's back.
Touched forever
...Eternity in the sky
Merlie T Jul 2021
I need not use full sentences
I cannot if I want to express
The structure confines, represses, degrades
the integrity of the cries
Help me speak
My throat, mouth too dry
so dry, I do not have tears

Salt crystalized and formed the rock
mounds glowing orange
in the dessert sunset
my spirit rests, crushed to rubble
like ash
Merlie T Apr 2020
I am angry at men for so many reasons.
Women being assaulted every three minutes or so
Forcing us to bear all the weight of support
While not being granted any responsibility
At my dad for dying and leaving
At my step dad for having an affair
At my brother for hitting me so **** much while growing up
At my other brother for always staying away when he was unsure if we loved him.
At every man who hurt, threatened, hit my sister
For shredding our worth and self esteem
to cover up the immense insecurities men feel
due to societal expectations and pressures
put forth by generations of men who came before them
A toxic patriarchy they themselves will continue
For silencing me in every ******* conversation.
MOTHER Earth, NOT father.
****. YOU.
This is in no way meant to put down men as a whole, meerily an expression of the anger I feel toward the men in my life who have caused harm. I love many men in my life and in this world, and appreciate the unique beauty they all contain.
Merlie T Feb 2021
lights flash
Rippling the Sea and Puddle
Green, Red, Gold, Blue
Ribbons and Rainbows
Wrapped Round a Tree.
Lights Dim
Eyes Close
Voices Quiet
Muscles Relax
music so distant through the night
Merlie T Apr 2020
I fantasize...
of walking
on this grey day
a girlfriend in tow
to the Cadillac cafe.
Maybe...
8 blocks
Up Broadway.
Peering through window
glass-
at passers by.
Orange juice to lick
my lips.
Listen-
melodic voices
The Humms of a Saturdy morning
Merlie T May 2022
If I look intently toward the sun
Eyes wide, so wide.
The voom of gold rushing through.
Circles. Dots. Freckles. Light.
Ah, to stare into the sun.
Merlie T Oct 2021
I lift my head up from the bow
A risk to take just yet
Iron caves have rusted
Surround and keep me warm
To leave here now frightens me so
But to stay will do the same
Years and year so dream to return
Forever I sorley yearn
To speak you and to find you
Is the only vision I can see
Your hand reached out to mine
So calmly and serene
To step over that threshold
Into the safety of always
Where we dance in memories past
Laugh as we always have
Merlie T Jul 2021
I felt a rush of joy and love
as I read my dad's hand writing
in a note written to my mother
I kissed it hard,
excited
and quickly grabbed his box
of ashes and
kissed it harder
I told him I loved him
and felt his bones
shaking against the wood
Beautiful and disturbing
Life in a nutshell
Merlie T Jun 2021
I'll choose
this spot
right here.
Its mighty nice
A cool wind blowing
Chirps make up
white noise.
A field of grass
Sun streams and endless blue

I am famished.
Enjoying a beautiful day in nature
Merlie T Jul 2021
I long to share this with you
To crawl into your arms
and bloom. Your love.
Open my petals
Don't pluck me from my sepals
Water me, don't hurt..
Merlie T Oct 2021
One thing I never expected from this world
was to lose you
A constant and an always
With you gone I'm not so sure that I am here
Not all of me at least
I've never wished to return to the past
Now it's all I could ever dream
Cruel joke to have the memories, but no you
We will miss you for the rest of time
All the love you had to leave behind..
I'm so sorry
I love you so much
Merlie T Mar 2020
I felt afraid
of an old, muted man.
Sitting near me on park bench.
To my ears came a soothing voice
singing,
*nothing's gonna hurt you baby..
Merlie T Apr 2020
I'm in outer space!
Swirling through Venus sky,
I  nosedive toward Earth
We all need a little water
to quench this thirst.
Merlie T Jun 2021
I dance with the tree outside my window
We face each other,
our branches reach out in an arc to meet
The breeze keeps tempo
We sway
The leaves shimmer and shine,
sending their good graces to the music.
A warm voice holds us
both    encased in a moment of decadent peace
Merlie T Dec 2018
You turned my insides into roses
when you left they died
and thorns sprang out to my innards

The sun which once warmed me
scorched my skin to leather

Winds of nourishing air dried my throat
and took with them my ability to breathe

The water which washed me
turned my skin to mud
and drown me
Merlie T Jan 2022
To challenge one another
Impossible ways
Sending our spirits into space
Down to hell
And back again
A love now tried and true
Enlightenment at its finest
In my lovers arms
Soon enough, we'll find Nirvana
Merlie T Dec 2018
I Remember
I remember being small and the hospital big with long hallways and tall open windows
I remember prayer circle and how it didn’t work
I remember the color yellow and a funeral where I tried going to the candy jar but the door was locked and the ceremony had started
I remember it was okay because
I was only 7 and was now half orphaned                 no one stays angry at a 7 year old half orphan
You are too young to understand, don’t worry sweetie

I remember new people in the house   people who didn’t always smell good
and hair from dogs, cats, hamsters                     water on the floor from goldfish bowls

I remember we chose not to move
I remember being angry, confused, cold, tired and afraid of jack rabbits but missing visits to the desert

I remember seeing you as a stranger
awkwardly shaped moving through a swimming pool
you thought I was obnoxious,                       I remember because your friends told me
I remember forcibly inserting myself into your life
I remember flowers, fragrances, grass, scabby knees, ***** palms, the orchard, the creek, the bikes, the plumbs, the poetry the fields and the sun

I remember everything drenched in chlorine        sweat on your upper lip

I remember walking through your yard finding broken glass like diamonds.
you showed me where your dog Diego was buried
underneath your mother’s roses beside her St. Jude sculpture

I remember your yellow kitchen table
clam chowder, rice, pico, tamales, carrots, onions, steak, salmon burgers, potatoes, cheesecake
an increasing heartbeat every time we sat down for dinner with your parents.
I wish I didn’t have to eat this food

I remember new furniture, finances, fighting, moving trucks, paperwork, boxes, compartmentalizing and roommates with strange piercings

I remember replacing trees with concrete and bicycles with buses
on my first day at a new job in a new place
I found a syringe in the bathroom toilet.
I remember trains, cigarettes, crows, crosswalks, garbage, people, street art, highways that all scared the **** out of me

I remember the sting of alcohol leaving my throat and nostrils into stained porcelain while high knee socks itched my skin and strange piercings held back my hair

I remember short visits
Your sweetness and the comfort of your familiarity

I remember baking pie with my face down in the bowl
avoiding questioning eyes and tightly pressed lips of relatives
“Are you seeing someone new?”
“How is school?”
“Will you visit Texas?”
                                                         ­                                    ******* and never ask me anything again
I remember imagining myself running out the door, through the yard, down the street, over the bridge, around the river and into a quiet bed

I remember the scent of chlorine sending me into frenzy
I remember how you resented me                                          I resented the hell out of you
I remember you calling me complacent                       I remember wanting you to disappear

I remember new lips, new tastes, new palms, new faces, new smells, new picnics
and a neighbor’s dog

I remember no longer feeling angry, confused, cold, tired, or afraid of jack rabbits, but still missing visits to the desert

I remember the time we were laying in bed with the sun shining through the window, tall and open.
Merlie T Oct 2020
I remember these early times
The first
Downtown in the cold
Lights out.
Adults living like heathens
Teens on the streets
My inspiration
The freedom which comes
from taps on bricks
cold air to put
you right back in your body
Frightening.
It was freedom nonetheless
Growing up in Eugene as young teens we would frequent the downtown bus station where scores of transient teens would congregate to talk of life, meaning, use drugs and debate existence after childhoods of parental neglect.
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