Look, you dumb *****, you did it again!
Going like this, you'll never be thin.
You can't eat a morsel, not one bite.
It's too much grief, you know it's not right.
Look at yourself! Grabbing handfuls of fat!
Nobody wants to be around that.
Break every mirror, skip every meal.
Only then will you be skinny for real.

Water filled eyes
Tear stricken face
Mascara running all over the place

Trembling hands
Vermilion drained heart
Shriveled up soul, ripped apart.

Solid enough, a single tug
Unravels each strand
As a woven rug.

Weakened and empty
Failed once again
Never enough to fight through the end.

Prickling fear
Climbs down the spine
Paralyzing each victim that it can find.

Locked in a ruthless, icy cold clutch
Struggling for air, but the suffering is too much.

Just because I'm introverted doesn't mean I'm shy
Doesn't mean I have no feelings or I never cry
Just because I'm introverted doesn't mean I'm scared
Doesn't mean I'm hateful or socially impaired
Just because I'm introverted doesn't say I'm weak
Maybe I don't feel the need to continuously speak
Just because I'm introverted doesn't make me weird
Doesn't mean that I am judged, misunderstood, or feared
Just because I'm introverted doesn't mean I have no life
Doesn't mean that I couldn't be a great friend or loving wife.

I'm being dragged down
I'm holding my breath
Praying to God
That I'll have something left

I'm tired of caring
About people's pain
When it puts me in a spot
Where I can't remain

I can't be dependent
On others like me
I'm taking control
So maybe I'll see

I'm overwhelmed
And very stressed out
I refuse to give myself
More to worry about

Please don't be mad
Don't think I don't care
Because my huge heart
Is what's gotten me there

I'm taking a break
To pick myself up
So maybe for once
I can feel like enough

It won't be long
Probably won't know I went
I'll be back soon
After me time I spent

I'm victim to your poison
I've survived your every test
You've ripped me open piece by piece
And disturbed my rest
I'm addicted to your touch
And addicted to your love
I miss your bright and shining eyes
Reflecting from above
Your words they burned like fire
But your silence is what kills
The very thought of losing you
Down my spine sends chills
You told me I was special
You told me you were there
The worst part was
That for awhile you really seemed to care
I never meant to love you
I don't want to be done
I wanted you to save me
But you handed me a gun

Sad, quiet, oddball, rude?
Maybe has a bad attitude?
Narcissist, egotistical, self-absorbed?
Or maybe just unexplored?
All introverted stereotypes, people don't understand how we live life.
Not antisocial, we hang with friends.
We just need a break, once the night ends.
Narcissistic? Now watch yourself.
We just can't handle too much, it effects mental health.
Introverts are special too.
Even though, they might be a little different than you.

Everything once was perfect.
That is until sin came along.
Now all of God's creations that once were right are all wrong.
People have to suffer.
There's darkness in the air.
And our almighty Creator sits in disappointment and despair.
He watches His world crumble, spilt apart and die.
Along with all the people, barely getting by.
But amidst the pain and sorrow; the people wondering why.
There's still a handful of light to help our world survive.

Take out your knife
Carve out your sins
Never forget  where your story begins

Lay down your head
Listen to me
This is not how it's supposed to be

Lay down, pick up the knife
And think of your life
Give up slowly

Get that cigarette
It's not over yet
When you're addicted, addicted, addicted
To dying

Shut off the world
Farewell little girl
Now put down your head
We're better off dead

Fighting with life
No end in sight
Wish you were dead
Cut ****** and red

Lay down, pick up the knife
Think of your life
And give up slowly
Take that cigarette
It's not over yet

When we're addicted, addicted, addicted
To dying

Broke me and dropped me, treated me like ****.
Ignored my every cry, and sadly this is it.
I'm done with how you make me cry and question why I'm here.
Never said a single word, but silence screams so clear.
You saw me dangling from above just simply hanging there.
But once again you walked away, I know you'll never care.
My world was turning upside down and I wanted your sweet light.
But every day now since you're gone is an even greater fight.

A fat little girl
              ....
A small little child with curly brown hair
Chubby, pink cheeks with skin so fair
Eats, enjoys, indulges and more
Everyone says "she's full for sure"

A fat little girl
              ....
A sweet little girl, with long pigtails
Sees all the girls, and wonders why she fails
They all have friends, but why doesn't she
How come they're all so happy

A fat little girl
              ....
A shy little girl, afraid to face her school
Everyone laughs, she's fat and 'uncool'
Sitting alone each and every day
Wondering why they treat her this way

A fat little girl
              ....
A mature little girl, much for her age
Looks at the number on the scale enraged
Hating herself and what she's become
Wishing to see all her bones such as some

A fat little girl
              ....
A fat little girl, no food on her plate
Determined as hell to lose all this weight
Her friends and her family, see her each day
More and more frail, withering away

A sick little girl
              ....
A skeleton of a girl, who once was happy and bright
Her eyes now dark and hollowed at night
Clinging to life with her small, bony hands
Regretting all childhood reprimands

A dead little girl
                 ....
A dead little girl, now merely a corpse
Leaving everyone behind feeling remorse
A closed casket service, nothing left to show
Wants to be be remembered as we all know

i know of a place where I can't be harmed
a beautiful place, wrapped up in your arms
your heart is my peace, it's ache is my sorrow
hearing it beat is the promise of tomorrow
you're eyes are my window, to see all that's great
you've opened my soul to appreciate
your body, my armor, your touch, my shield
both strong weapons that only i wield
your voice is my song and your face is my light
while your soft hands hold me, safe from the night

Valentines day is drawing near
A time of love, joy and cheer.
But those words are not familiar to me
For I am never truly happy.

And the concept of love is hard to take
Fear of making another mistake.
How this heart continues to ache.
I can't seem to understand.

So on this coming Valentines day
No romantic music will I play
Instead at home is where I'll stay
With my loving family.

Few things are taken for granted as I
Precious and surprisingly hard to come by
Each breath you take, each sunrise so bright
This is a privilege, by no means a right
Just when you've found happiness, all seems complete
I can and will leave you to rot with defeat
I need no reason, for I can just say
And someone you love will be taken away
So do not forget me and all that I do
For one day I promise, all will forget you

To those who say i'm perfect; i do everything right.
You have no idea, how hard i have to fight.
I work towards my goals, but my standards are too high.
And at the end of the day, all i can say is at least i try.
I never can be proud of what i do.
No matter how great it looks to you.
And how about always failing, when everyone else sees it as prevailing.
Say i'm smart; eh maybe.
Say i'm pretty; no, that drives me crazy.
Say that's amazing; i do what i can.
Say you love me; i would've ran.
So no, i'm not perfect. I do nothing right. To me, i'm just a failure; every day and night.

Solid from the crust to core
Carries all the weight
Even when it can take no more
There's nothing that's too great

Standing tall through every storm
Never flinches in the dark
Once it's tired, lost and worn
The struggles left their mark

Taking in the rays of sun
Absorbing little heat
Then relieved the day is finally done
Once again been beat

After fighting all these years
Enduring what was thrown
Having no more need for fears
Crumbling and unknown

Starting out so young and free
No troubles in the world
Pure, clear skin for all to see.
Not a sign of hurt

Bright, young eyes and light pink lips
Innocence at best
Unexposed and unaware of God's most painful test

Wandering lost and all alone, no one there to trust
Voices laughing, hidden deep within the prickly brush

Eternal darkness cascading down from a clouded sky
Frightened, cornered with one question, and that one word is why?

There's no life that's left to live
There's no more need for breath
Succumbing to the evil force
And wishing only death.

Racing heart, fluttering eyes
Putting on a fake disguise
Tremors running through my veins
Chills are driving me insane
Feelings of anticipation
Doomed to ultimate damnation
Snapping bands across my wrists
Returning scars that still exist
Welting up and turning red
But these poor scars have already been bled
Crying both inside and out
Nothing left to talk about
Charred soul and swelled up arms
Isn't there a saying, the third time's a charm?

Everyone should have a place in this world.
Whether you're goth, nerdy, or a preppy girl.
But where do you go when you don't belong.
Everyone and everywhere you turn is wrong.
Why can't we be accepting, to all human beings?
We're really not all that different, even though that's how it seems.
So don't leave out the kid with glasses and braces.
Don't shun the teens with acne covered faces.
There is so much damage little words can cause.
Just stop pointing out everyone's flaws.

A gap between her thighs
And hips that protrude
Counting each rib, as if there's something left to prove
Relying on caffeine, alcohol and more
Losing out on life, passing every open door
Crying in the dark, alone next to the scale
It reminds you of your worth and how you always fail
Counting everyday, worried all the time
Can I hit a goal, will I meet the deadline
Wishing you were different, praying to be small
And finally when you get there, your problems will be solved

Soft, warm hands, crystal clear eyes.
Everyday is a new surprise.
Lightly holds you in his arms.
Overwhelmed by that lovable charm.
Deep, smooth voice puts you to sleep.
Morning smile makes your heart skip a beat.
Respectful, sweet, cuddly too.
Hopefully he'll propose to you.
Living together, for better or worse.
Will it be a blessing, or will it be a curse?

When someone asks me if I'm happy, I don't know what to say.
I have no reason to be sad, but what is happiness anyway?

Some synonyms are, fortunate, cheery, content, untroubled, delighted.
But some of that isn't true,
Fortune doesn't always make you happy, and untroubled is that way too.

The best way to be 'happy' or thankful for having life.
Is to go through struggles and overcome the temptation of a knife.

When someone asks me if I'm happy, I say that I can be.
I have seen enough pain and sorrow to cherish every good thing.

Peeling skin and broken dreams
Splitting, cracking at the seams
Frustration, sorrow, passion, love
Cooing softly as a mourning dove.
Wails and screams cloaked in red
Holding hearts already bled.
Emotions one cannot express
Thrown together in a mess.
Desperation, overwhelmed
Escaping to a whole new realm.
Enveloped in a sense of relief
Making burdens much more brief.

Everyone hanging in their cliques,
Nothing i can really do about this.
Everything i do seems wrong,
It's no wonder i don't belong.
Loitering around, saying "Hi"
Not invited to come by
Never really fit in anywhere,
So i walk alone, without a care.

On one cold, December night,
There shone a luminescent light.
Then to me that light would speak.
In a voice so tempting and sweet.
The secrets that light had told, a story had begun to unfold.
Of beauty, madness, pain and terror.
How something could fall apart by error.
Once a child so innocent and frail, could be ripped to shreds; only entrails.
And once the light would soon depart, a soul consumed by merely dark.
Mind trapped, there's no escape.
Nothing but darkness; desolate.
This luminescent light faded.
Turned to black; manipulated.

Twinkle twinkle little star
I know exactly who you are
You shined throughout the blackest night
And kept me in your glowing light
Now twinkle bright and let me see
The beautiful star I knew you could be.

Set out on a journey
Didn't matter where
Through the deepest darkest path
Never getting there
Seeking destination
Scrambling toward the prize
Barely realizing
It was right before my eyes
Running for the people
Waiting for applause
When I should be striving
For a greater cause
You see if you chase after life
To obtain the little things
You miss the love and happiness
That life always brings

I like to be alone so much
The mere thought of people wears me out
When I'm hiding in my room
Footsteps might as well be doom

The sound of voices makes me cringe
I'm done listening to ****
I just want to be alone
Living by myself, unknown

When someone even looks at me
It makes me want to run away
Lock myself in some dark place
So no one has to see my face

I'm sorry if I snap at you
I don't want to hear you talk
I'm tired of living, being me
I'm giving up why can't you see

When you say you want to help
The only thing I really need
Is space and dark stability
Left in my lonely reality

The day it all happened
I remember it so well
And this is a story, I almost can't bear to tell
The sun shone through my windows
The birds filled the sky with song
It was the kind of day
Where nothing could go wrong
I kissed all of my babies
I headed out the door
Told my husband I love him
He said I love you more
I was driving down the highway
When I saw a flashing light
I looked up and saw billows of smoke, darker than the night
I froze and glanced around in panic
Then I heard the screams
A thousand daggers in my chest, praying they were bad dreams
But these were no dreams
This was a nightmare
Crimson flames danced everywhere
Then I caught it
In my eye
More planes were plummeting by
The rest was such a blur
All the months after were too obscure
But no one has ever been the same way
As moments before that fateful day...

One look in those baby brown eyes
And in return a surprise
That perfect smile
The one I haven't seen for awhile

Long, curly hair, always a mess
No one here to impress
Just living like that
Cause life's too short and that's a fact

Now I've shed tears and I felt sorrow
Wondered if I'd make it till tomorrow
Held my breath and let my failures slip away

I've sat up in the middle of the night
Asking God to give me fight
Praying please please let me stay
Just one more day

There you were holding my hand
Trying hard to understand
What it is that's slowly killing me

I lay back hearing you cry
Asking Jesus, asking Him why
My baby girl she's been gone awhile
Pleading one time to see that old smile

Now I've shed tears, I feel your sorrow
I'm telling you to stay for tomorrow
Held your hand and let your darkness slip away

I'm sitting up in the middle of the night
Praying that you'll have more fight
Saying please, please, please let her stay
One more day, one more day

One last look in those big brown eyes
And much to my surprise
I catch a glimpse of that perfect smile

We're sitting up in the middle of the day
Watching all the pain slip away
Thanking God, He let us stay
One more day

First, you dig your self a hole
Deep enough to lose control
Then, you push yourself inside
At the bottom, where there's no place to hide
Next, you try to claw your way through
Until there's nothing left to do
Tired, helpless, body worn
Wrists among everything else is torn
Drowning in your own salty tears
Condemned by the most realistic fears
Gasping for air, destined for execution
Feeling like death is the only solution.

Pop it open, just a can
Heart rate spikes again as planned
Pop another, maybe two
Pumping harder than you ever knew
Pop some more, make it three
This is fun, won't we see
Have another, up to four
Faster now than ever before
Still going strong and up to six
Past the point of being fixed
Whoa, what happened? Hitting eight
Now I'm spinning, can't see straight
Way past nine, beyond twelve
How much further can we delve?
Now where's number, thoughts mine aren't here
Did someone see my grandma near?
Spinning, dark, cans, STOP!
Where am I? How far's the drop?
Loud, quiet, black, gone
Now only if we didn't start so young

How much you hurt
How hard you cry
There will always be people
Who are not on your side
They will hate and blame
They don't understand
What it feels like to let go
Of another dead hand
And when you step out
To breathe for awhile
Wipe your mascara
And put on a smile
People like that
Never will they know
How much it stings
To have to let go...

I've done a few things in my day that I don't talk about.
But when my fingers hit the keys all the confessions spill out.

No way I'm perfect, not even close
Always I fall short
I'm a sinner and my sins our Savior will abort.

I break rules and use foul words
That I'm not supposed to know.
But I ask for grace and love
Only God can show.

When I'm hurting, when I'm sad
I have a place to turn
For I can pray for help and love
When evil fires burn.

If you creep into my lair
No treasures will you find
Instead, a book just sitting there
With a weathered broken bind.

Softly run your hands over my cover
Feel my hard rough back
See my pages one after another
Untouched and thrown off track.

Flip me over
Read my words and never put me down
Turn each page and wonder
What more can be found.

Sink deeper into my warming heart
And take time to read with care
Be gentle, please don't tear me apart
Because I showed you everywhere.

Get lost between all my chapters
And don't stop until we're done
We may not have happily ever afters
But you're my only one.

Fed up with sorrow
Fed up with fear
Fed up with darkness and phantoms near
Fed up with hurting
Fed up with guilt
And my heart which can't be rebuilt
Fed up with scars
Fed up with knives
Fed up with loved ones risking their lives
Fed up with hatred
Fed up with hiding
Just want to sit here and do more writing
Fed up with betrayal
Fed up with loss
Opening up has to come with a cost
Fed up with fighting
Fed up with grief
Hoping that one day I'm faced with relief.

The stream that once flowed so freely and clear.
Is drying up at last.
The song it sang for all to hear.
Is but a sound of the past.

Blocked to all the listening souls
It tries to plow on through.
Beating, splashing, forcing hard, but nothing left to do.

Longing for the perfect storm
Where rain clouds congregate.
Each little drop adding up is something to appreciate.

Crackling fire, shimmering tree
children all laughing, filled with glee.
Stockings hung up, music and cheer;
running to bed because Santa is near.
Bright lights and cookies, love all around.
Can almost hear reindeer stomping the ground.
Giving and happiness in the atmosphere,
sounds like Christmas is growing near.

Don't you agree, everyone talks too much?
Can't we listen, not talk, just hush.
I think you'd be surprised at all the things you'd hear.
Maybe the silence would draw more people near.
No more hurt feelings, or losing those you love.
Just hush and listen for guidance from above.
You're so busy talking, you can't hear what He says.
Although He's the only reason you're being blessed.
So here is some advice to those who won't shut up.
When you listen, you will learn.
And that should be enough.

Nothing lasts forever
Nothing's worth your while
Even just a second of a precious smile
People up and leave you, halfway through the fight
Never let it grieve you, lose no sleep tonight
Friends will become distant, lovers break your heart
Do not let the agony tear you all apart
Build walls up higher, set your armored guards
Pick up the pieces of your heart's little shards
Stay alone forever, it's easier that way
Then there's never someone, or a debt you have to pay

AB:  Flowers and trees, a thousand degrees, we ***** around in the winter , we can't freeze.

FNB: Leaves are falling, fireplace calling. The icy cold wind is somewhat appalling.

AB: Lost in translation, broken sacrifices, free vacation, let's perform a crisis.

FNB: Out in the dainty, crystalline frost, I reach for your hand and my worries are lost.
But winter will fade and in comes the sun. The cold left some ice that can't be undone.

AB: Summer time when spirit of a young god lay to rest, flowers in your hair signifies that you're at your best. Love music and tattoos, a grain of sand, sitting in the corn fields, we can't lose, to a world created by man.

Step into my shadowed chambers
Feel my dusty walls
Wander through my tattered rooms
And down my darkened halls
Brush across my tight pulled drapes
And stroke them with your hand
Slide across my smooth wood floor
Begin to understand
Wrap yourself up in my blankets
Curl up in my bed
Don't overthink it, just relax
And rest your weary head
Listen for my loving whispers
Feel my weakened call
Build me up when my foundation
Seems it's soon to fall
Stay within me by my side
And don't leave me alone
For my walls are caving in
Open to unknown

Holding closely to her heart
Life within itself
Secrets unknown to any man
Guarding with such stealth

Softly sighs an eerie tune
Warning those who seek
Protected from the evil one
Shelters the small and meek

Watches over every life
Leaves no stone unturned
Lives to better this old world
All that she has learned

Loves all with a growing passion
None are left behind
Masked; enveloped in a cloak
To tame unstable minds

Layered in both love and care
But what lurks underneath
Sadness, heartbreak, pain and fear
Wrap her in a sheath

Wandering amidst the darkest nights
Listening for the call
Lost souls broken, buried deep
Deeper through, they fall

When I say I love you.
Those three words all speak so true.
I means me, with all my heart.
Never wanting to be apart.

When I say love, here's what I mean
You make me feel whole and clean.
You fill a void that none else can.
I want to keep hold of your hand.

You is such a simple word
But what it means is quite absurd
In short, you just means I'm safe
When I'm with you, I can escape.

Understand I don't love you
Those words are not completely true
I don't just love, I'm falling hard
No matter how much you've left me scarred.

My ship set sail on a voyage
Not many years ago
The gentle waters rocked me
Their whispers soft and slow
The winds took me further out
Into the open sea
The waves crashed and came on board
Nearly drowning me
The once clear skies had darkened
Whirling clouds gathered near
Cold rain pelted down
And pierced my sails with fear
A strong force pulled my body
Towards a swirling endless pit
All my sailors overboard and I knew this was it
Swallowed whole but still in pieces
This voyage was cut short
The little ship not strong enough
To give that much support

Sadness is like a prison
A dark and awful place
The inmates will abuse you
And say you're a disgrace
The guards watch you struggle
And don't make a single move
Once you're down and on the floor
Be prepared for doom
The little cell starts getting blurry
You're consumed by deafening light
Sounds begin to disappear
There's no end in sight
But when you think it's over,
There's no way to stand again
A shadowed figure picks you up
And keeps hold of your hand
The very kind who hurt you
Can also heal the wounds
How is that easy to understand
When evil is always assumed

Said it would be over soon
And once I stepped out of the room
My world came down
Said that it would be alright
We'd put up a hella fight
But I'd drown

You promised you would be here
But I'm fed up with these tears
I miss you now
You'd hold me in my worst fears
Stay with me for these years
I don't know how

Why'd this have to happen
To a perfect person
What's so wrong
I lost a big part of me
And now I'm getting dizzy
Our last song

Just promise that you'll be here
For every other great year
Don't give up
Be the man you should be
The friend I know you could be
Feel my love

No living soul has pushed through
The guarded gates of my mind.
What you know is just the surface
The horrors none will find.

I may not look, but be aware
That I always see
When you think you're getting there
There's miles to go in me.

Heart is tired, barely beating
Wrapped around in chains
The key to which is hidden well
Never seen again.

The bright crimson only leaks in the most battered places.
Violated, left for dead, nothing more it faces.

Once unbound and free to go wherever it may please.
Now hardened, trapped, and cold as stone.
Locked in eternal freeze.

Surrounded by the ones you love but no one's really there.
Voices and darkness always fill the air.
You sit in silence, with your head hanging down.
People don't get you, though they're all around.
Deep inside, the dam's about to break.
This time, none of what comes out will be fake.
Just bare, raw feelings; words you'd never say.
Be very careful, i might scare you away.

Trace small, gentle circles along my bare chest
Come closer so I can see
Kiss me again along my neck and set my worries free
Hold me close and whisper sweet words like I'm your masterpiece
I'm a blank canvas and you're the paint our thoughts beginning to cease
Throw me down and pull me in
Together moving as one
Make me scream and hold me down the night has just begun
Breathing deep and losing words
Our minds on only one thing
Moving slow and matching time your scent still lingering
And when the sun peeks over the hill to warn the coming of dawn
We lay in perfect silent bliss, the feeling never gone

She walks with a purpose, no fooling around.
Eyes fixed in the distance, her destiny found.

Head held high, a confident pride.
Discreetly wiping the tears she just cried.

No signs of weakness, no prominent shame.
Stricken with turmoil, herself to blame.

Into the night she silently treads.
Leaving no trace of the horror she dreads.