Love (down)

I love you
And you will never hear me say
That I don't
I know
We are meant to be
I can't believe that you think
You're not beautiful
I'm sorry but
You are mine
You can never say that
I'm lying

Evol (up)

A rainy day
A dead rose
That picture on the wall
My little sisters test
Hanging on the fridge
The project I used to stall
My Polaroid camera
A broken mug
My mom's excuse of fun
A walk outside
A kitty in my lap
The trophies I forgot I won
A forgotten poem
A silent scream
A whisper of the untold true
Little things
Little dreams
All ending with you

I don't want you to fill up the empty parts of me
I don't want you to carry my weight and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't want you to pick up my broken pieces
And glue them back together for me
No
I will buy my own glue when I have enough money
I will hold my broken pieces and get them back together somehow
I will learn how to balance on my own two feet and soak my own shirt will my tears
I don't want you to fix the light that has burnt out inside of me
I want to learn to light up my own world
And then I want you
Because together we could light it on fire

Hot coco tastes like chocolate
Popcorn tastes like salt
Cats feel too soft
Dogs bark too loud
I'm hungry so I will eat
I'm thirsty so I will drink
I'm tired so I will sleep
I’m alive so I will be
My brain is working
My heart is pumping
I am alive
But I am not living

her voice
bent me
backwards
over the
bedsheets
every
syllable
spinning silk
into sea
as she drew
the breath
from my ears
and a symphony
from my lips
she turned my
twin bed
into titanic
along with me
and as I was
drowning
she was speaking
poetry

It's okay to fall down
If you don't know how to fly
It's okay to make a rainstorm
If you feel you need to cry

It's okay to get your feelings hurt
By things that people say
It's okay to fall apart
When people don't wanna stay

It's okay to kick and scream
When you life falls apart
It's okay to cry yourself to sleep
When you have a broken heart

It's okay to show the feelings
You feel you need to show
Because falling apart and getting back up
Is the only way you'll grow

I wish I could freeze my happiness
In little ice cubes
So when I'm having a bad day
I can just pop one in my mouth
And let it melt my worries away.

your song didn't need lyrics
I heard everything
in your breath
against my neck
cigarettes
your hands insisting
a duet

I ran over your tongue
like silk
or is it
fine wine
You sloshed me in your mouth
tasting the way
I ripened with age
I danced with your taste buds
I thought I did well
but then
you spit me out
and decided you preferred
the 2010

"I feel nothing"
she said
as she lied down
on the cold empty road
not knowing which direction to go

"what's it like"
I asked her
over the phone
while stuck in traffic
just trying to get to work

I've tried to write
So many poems about you
But you're beauty is copyrighted
And I don't believe
In plagiarism

They say pain
makes poetry
so I wondered why
I hadn't been writing
then I remembered
pain is not what I'm feeling
it's what I'm yearning
in all this feeling
of numb

You carved and shaped me to your liking
and then threw me away
when there was nothing left of me

Roses are red
Violets are blue
But now so am I
And it's all cause of you
Now instead of the roses
My writs are blood red
And the violets have stained
The side of my head
You hug me and cry
And I say it's okay
But you always come back
With your violent bouquet

You held the paper
between you lips
and inhaled

I've never
Been so jealous
Of a cigarette

I don't want to be alone forever
I want to feel the warmth and love of another
I don’t want a fake friend or a one minute lover
Or the broken pieces of another
I want a real person
A human connection
Not a shadow of my broken reflection
Someone to comfort my cries
To notice my sighs
To empathize and recognize the right things to say
I just need someone to say
That I am loved and I will be okay
I need someone, for once, to stay
I want to hug someone when I am cold
Not a desperate relationship that will get old
I don’t want a robot or another fake mold
I just want a human person with a soul
I want a friend
I want a lover
A sister, a companion, a brother
I don’t want to be alone forever
Will I really be alone forever?

I was waiting for a happy ending
But now I'm just waiting for the end

don't beg for help
on how to get back up
from the feet
that stood on your legs
and convinced you
you couldn't walk
in the first place

I wish everyday for the breeze of an Autumn morning
The light chill that kisses goosebumps along my legs and arms
I wish for a golden leaf to fall into my hair as I walk along the pavement
For the sun to shine through the shy, soft clouds
I wish for a warm cup of cocoa on a November sunset
And the soft fuzz of my cat’s tail brushing against my leg as she purrs onto my hot skin
I wish to curl up beside the fireplace with a good book
And dream into the nothingness of tomorrow
I wish to blast the smell of lavender around me with the click of a lighter
And fall into the wonderful scents of the future
I will gaze out the window as I watch the leaves fall
As the smell of warm heat surrounds me
A book in my lap, my cat by my side
I will fall into a frenzy of chapped lips and soft blankets
Some people wish for a lover or a laptop
But all I want is the breeze of an Autumn morning

i watch the ink run down my arm
the pen, writing the feelings
i could never explain with words;
sitting on my bathroom floor
never led to anything
but unwanted art

i am sorry
that when you broke
i didn't help you back together
but started checking your pieces
to see if any of them could serve
to fill my missing ones

As I stare into the mirror
Her face scrunched up
Is she disgusted
Sad
Does she know that I am
Waiting for happiness too
Does she know that I am
Trying to hide as well
I try to relate as I am
Reaching forward to comfort her
My hand
Meeting glass
My eyes
Grey
As I stare into
the mirror

I cuff our wrists together
and tell myself
you're deciding to stay

You are the moon
Dark and lonely
and looking for a friend
And I am the star
sitting right behind you
Praying for you to turn around

I never knew
If you gave me butterflies
Or just made my stomach hurt

i will use my last breath
to tell myself
you loved me

Lonely

but no longer
alone
I am
trying
and yet I'm not
happy
the sad in me is now
growing
my hope is slowly
diminishing into nothing
my new beginning
was suppose to be taking over
my sadness
lingering
no longer
happy
I am
lonely
but no longer

Alone

two syllables
never left your tongue
you sung it
like a song
stuck in your head

a constant reminder
that I was the one
you were talking to
when you followed
with three more words

it was never the way
you said my name
but the way
you never made me
forget it

You may be as bright
As an April sky
But darling
Even the Sun
Casts shadows

one day i got tired of swimming
and let the sea devour me
my feet floating
timid
expecting floor below
i realized there was no rock bottom
before the waves turned cold
water entering my lungs
like a kiss not given permission
hands on my body like it was given
to someone who didn't know how to listen
feet being pulled towards a depth that had no meaning
no indication of seaweed
just empty space so full it felt freeing
learning to breathe while suffocating
is something you don't learn until needed
friend once pushed away is greeted
desperation gets you places when you need it
being still will make your mind run away
another cold and empty day
you can no longer feel the waves
until a shark comes along
mind in check
body moves
waves are crashing down on you
and it all feels like a fever dream
or so it seems
until you're onto shore
cough up the water
cause you don't need it anymore
and from that day
you pray that you
will never find your way back
to the ocean

You called it our song
But I only got to sing with you
When I was forced between your legs

The only difference between sound and silence
Is that one is real and one is in your head
I always have a hard time figuring out which one is which

Don't fall in love
Fall off a cliff
It hurts a lot less :)

You warned me about your demons
I said I didn't mind
And I didn't
Until they dragged me down
To hell with you

it is 11:59 PM
and i love you

and i don't know about you
but in one minute
when a new day begins
when wifes are questioning
where their husbands are
when the city awakens
for their nightly mistakes
and late night distractions spiral
in minds of regret
i will be thinking of you

and if it's possible
i think i will love you even more
than i did one whole minute before

falling in love
or falling to pieces
i cant tell the difference
anymore

You were a face of November
A face that burned through my mind
As I griped my phone with a shaky hand
And heavy defeat
I read our conversation
Splattered with the words
Of my most recent confession
And wondered
What I had said
To leave me
With wet hands
And another reminder
That I will never be good enough

the last thing I tasted
was chocolate chip cookies
as you pulled away
giggling
and leaving my lips
tingling

I was stupid to think
I could put out a fire
with the wave of my hand

You ignited me too
when you told me
my touch burned just a bad

I knew by the lack
of wavering pain
despite the tears I shed

And now I know water
would have done jack ****
against the fire in your head

killing a butterfly
is easier from far away
colors meshed into brown
is just another cockroach

It was nothing more
Than the ways your eyes lit up
When you saw the snow falling
That made me realize
How much I wanted it to be cold enough
To freeze time

"I love you"
Only fell from your lips
When you were intoxicated
So I slipped a bit of *****
In your drink every night
Pretending it was me
You were drunk on

I am the sky
You thought of only
As the color blue
Until you pushed
Past the atmosphere
And discovered infinity

She kissed him
With question marks?
While he kissed her
With "quotations"
And together they became
a run on sentence...

my eyes were closed
but I could see your face
so clearly

my arms were still
but I could feel your hug
so deeply

it wasn't even real
but I could feel my heart
racing

up to the very moment
I awoke

you words leave me with wounds
deeper than bargained for
and i seem to be out
of band aids