Standing in the middle of yesterday
when it all went wrong
and I made mistakes
stuck in my same dull ways
some old some frayed
the same things to do
it seems the same day
sitting in my room
sinking in this box
allowing no others in
behind these locks
blaming myself for being
like somebody else
the candle burns down
so i watch as it melts
for reasons unknown
I can not find today
I'll stay inside
because I am afraid......

Forgetting the past
with no wings denied
so I'll try something new
I begin to take flight
I am left not alone
I'm gone with the breeze
finally have found
found a reason to breath
moving on with my life
and digging up dreams
hoping to land
in a place to believe
a place not alone
one to call home
never to be
somewhere unknown
now I'm able to see
there is no reason to leave
to start a new life
where I can be Me....

When nothing is left,
I won't tell you,
What I'm about to do.

Forever, that feeling of spent!!

Indecisions, clouded with tunnel vision,
funneled down to one last thought.

It boomerangs back to me,
while the rest scatter,
from a catapult.

locked in a blanket of fog,
a frozen state,
and the blood red stain
I think about fate

This soul is begining to bleed!!

Fear is spreading through me
and my mind cannot rest,
Paranoia follows me
like some kind of pest!!

I have faded away,
then fell out of place.
I can't remember myself.
I've been replaced!!

I have no memory,
It memory has gone blank
Thoughts been erased
they have all been replaced

"A BLUE SHADE OF SICKNESS"
Is what causes the pain
I won't go away
It wont even wane!!

Death haunting me,
like screams from a nest,    
The pistol is my grip
on my lip it rest!!

To decide not to stay
or live in this place.
Its just to hard to scream
without a face!!

I slip into the void
to escape all the noise
Because,
when it all turns black
there is no going back.......

When nothing is left,
I won't tell
what I'm about to do.

Forever, that feeling of spent.

Indecisions clouded with tunnel vision,
funneled down to one last thought.
It boomerangs back to me,
while the rest scatter
from a catapult.

In a frozen state
locked in a blanket of fog
that surrounds me
and the blood red stain
This soul is begining to bleed.

Fear is spreading through me
and my mind can not rest!!
Paranoia follows me
like some kind of pest.

I have faded away
then fell out of place.
I can't remember myself
and I'm far from free...

As I am losing control
I go for broke
throughout the madness
and begining to choke

Alive in my mind
I can't speak for myself
spent half of my life
I've spent it in Hell

Slipping farther away
into the void
you hi-jack my thoughts
with your crippling noise

You hinder my motives
making my choices
I am feeling naked within
and avoiding the voices

While I'm tripping all over
I shake and I shudder
your still alive in my mind
this pain hurts and I suffer

Your keeping me down
I can't gain any ground
I can't speak for myself
I'm just broken and frowned.....

When my soul has become useless
and panic knocks on the door
thoughts become chaos
I can't take no more
still hearing voices
from front, from behind
I run towards your cries
and I nevermind
your sounds give me comfort
deep down inside
I wither and fade but
your still my guide
what ever happened
to the inner glow
the one I thought I knew
but not the me I used to know
my life is a nightmare
no dream in sight
so painful and tragic
I'm far from alright..!!..

As my mind slips into the void
my thoughts are discarded
like a cloud dropping rain
dark and extremely overcast
My mind tries to focus on
the expression of your tongue
but you make no sense
just a dialect of jargon
into you own beliefs
Is it any wonder I pay no attention
to such the simple and elementary
thoughts that you preach
I can not devour you text of happiness
only can I eavesdrop on your complaints
of mine finding none.
My dreary dismal days conflict with you rays
I'm not the one here who stand the mistake
reality to me is not your fake beliefs

Living with my misleading
and false reality
with concerns of anxiety
skipping and spinning
just to fabricate
the incorrect
theories motion on
to find that
forever is just nothing
cold and motionless
coupled with reasons
and ideations
just to enter
the madness of the mind
advancing to agitation
with no direction to be known......

When desperate people
use their simple minds
only to open their
free flowing mouths
talking **** about
people and things
that they know nothing about
their words arouse suspicions
with unreasonable doubts
ears overhear the words
that sound so absurd
spread it to others
and the rest of the herd
in the memories of the stupid
they rattle their lips
they give up other people
with their devilish gift
put under pressure
with no reason to bark
but some care less about others
they must be the narc.......

When your left all alone
  feels like dead inside
  nowhere to turn
  no one to confide
  
  I bury myself
  deep in disguise
  shelter what's left
  then close my eyes
  
  With all I have left
  I begin to suppress
  I still wonder why
  that I live in distress....

When estranged from myself
and no farther to fall.
No feeling inside
none left at all.

Fracture my heart as
It shatters I pause.
to hold up in time
away from cause.

Derailed and Derange
I've forsaken the cause.
Hell pulls on my soul
all thanks to being lost.

Rearranged ideations to
block out the flaws
crippled again
with only six feet to fall...

Devilish kindness that
devours souls and
hi-jacks beliefs
gone like a ghost
never to return as your own
figments of falsehood and
coupled with fiction
flashes before eyes
as your flesh melts in the fire
your being is scorched and smoldered
as your spirit incinerates
you depart from  your form
as you exhale
everything you have ever known.....

Hard to imagine
sinking so low
left out on life's reasons
where did i go??
am i left in the dark
or just flying solo??

With to much time spent
and Direction Unknown
slowly losing my mind
with nowhere to go
Don't know where I've been
I'm just lost and alone

Mindless ride,in the saddle of my shadow.
I mock and mimic my every move.
Never left alone,
holding hands with your clone.
Where to go
you,just can't decide.
We get lost in the dark.
I run and hide.
We watch our backs and
we search for inside.
Soon to be over,
I run to the light.....

Here it comes again
there is no one left here
to hurt me, but me
alone inside my head
I walk along the ledge
thoughts never to be said
to me their all pretend
I'm twisted, spun within
wear a self degrading grin
it's all happening again
remain downcast til the end...

Found dressed like a clown,
in a dark blue haze
When the fog rolls in
it drowns my parade

Puddles that collect all the rain,
like thoughts that continue to race.
Am I losing my mind,
or am I just that insane.

I'm frozen and cold,
and the clock stands still.
I still can't decide,
how i should feel?

I remain in the dark.
The clock spins like a wheel,
With troubling thoughts
that I can't conceal.

So never mind me,
I can not believe
I've had to much of this,
SO I HAVE TO LEAVE........

As I fight the enemy within
a cynical and jaded grin
is what this face emits
find the me that lies beneath
as you crawl inside to be
you work within my skin
maker of every sin
black and blue and cold
why wont you let go??
reactions are unknown
to be uncontrolled!!!
we are chaotic as can be
thoughts become carefree
what will happen next
are we able to foresee
with my will denied
why won't you resign
please let go of me
I'm the one you left behind.....

When i feel i have had enough
there seems to be more to endure
you cause me grief
i get no relief
you beg,you take
your actions a disgrace
you forge and lie
deceive and deny

yet you blame me?

why do you strive
continue to lie
you must hate yourself
are you dead inside?

your a fraud and a fake
say you make no mistakes
I'll put an end to you
whatever it takes!!!!

When i am so far down,
  that my troubles are blue.
  no lower to sink,
  I'm just as troubled as you.
                                            
  As i look All around                      
  and I soak up the rays
  You stand behind me,
  right there you stay.                        
  
  I hurt on the inside
  and you have got none
  flat on the pavement,  
  having no fun.
  
  I'm just the figure that cast
  and your left beside.                          
  So dismal we feel,                                
  distressed and combined.                        
    
  Were faulty and fragile,
  to troubled to guide.
  I move to the dark,
  so contrast can hide.
                          
  Just cause i hurt,                        
  does not mean you deserve.                        
  Feeling no worth,
  just to observe.........

I go home
I feel like a ghost
just floating alone.

I'm stuck in my head
It's to troubled to rest,
I struggle to find
what happens next.

My bodies in need
of getting some sleep
or maybe my soul
had just been released.

I think about things,
to many they breed,
hold onto the ones
that no one should think,

Hoping to find
some drive inside
or just steer myself clear
But I can't decide.

What should i do
try on a new pair of shoes?
or just pick up the banjo
and start singing the blues.

Social distortion they,
that guys insane?
but singing comes out
in the middle of rage.

Start clearing my mind
with a Dump Truck beside,
to sort out the bad one
so you won't run to Hide....

Life is different
with your distance
have i said it
have i said it enough??
when i wake
can i keep up
what do you want?
when failed and struggling
with a sick mind
Laying down with weight
of gravity
nothing to say with nothing
to lose
safe and sound
Insomnia!!!
far away from soothing
lead me through
bring me to the ground
my disgrace is within myself
and nothing more
cries to change mind
i begining to fade out And
fail direction
left as ashes
within inches of
non existent
i hurt and choose to believe within
as i run away from change
one day you'll remember
i push towards the pain
and pull away from sane
i watch you fade in
you watch me fade out.

With my head in the clouds,
For forever I climb.
Thoughts remain vacant,
But I never mind.
Falling is Flying,
when you can let go.
This place in time,
Is just a piece of my soul.
Falling is Flying,
when your in control.
I spend my life sad
And you don't even know.
I Fall.
I Fly.
I live in this moment
I won't say goodbye.

As you walk on by
I stand still and wait
as I'm watching leave
obscured by your wake
I can not believe
why you want to flee
when you seem not to care
that I am left in despair
so just stroll on along
when I won't respond
because I must cease to exist
in your thoughts or your midst.....

In my own World
back to a calm place
thing go so fast
my hearts in a race
with all of my thoughts
their not at ease
wanting more drugs
I love how they tease
slipping out of place
feeling of spent
spending my days
forever and bent
pulled so far down
I can't find my soul
this rage taking over
til I lose self control
this life that I live
It's not the same
when the mixture is right
I'll go insane
just a bit more
a poke to engage
but it's been way to much fun
while feeling this Strange.....

One day I Crave,
to burn this place,
Forget it All
set it Ablaze!!

Off to a New Place.
Wonder who I should Be,
with thoughts in My Mind,
I hope You can't See??

This Minds getting Lost,
it's far from free,
it sails for now
but it's going to Cost.

As I move on along,
it's time to go.

With feelings so Vacant,
they can't be Sold.
So don't ask Why anymore,
I just have to Go!!

With only Ashes remain,
nothing to Conceal.
So why do I Feel,
how no one should Feel.
Just Yesterday.

I thought I was Fine,
Times Running late,
as I'm Falling behind!!

Washed up on Shore.
A Pile of Bones,
why In the Hell
won't you Leave Me Alone?!!?.

As Strange as this Feels,
I've Gone Astray,
Why is the End So Far away??

I now Hear the Voices.
As Loud as Forever,
just standing in line,
to Wait for the Never.

I'm approaching normal,
still hollow inside.
I fake All My Feelings,
cause I can't Decide.

What's left of My Mind.
It's Far from Over.
It's just begun,
so I'm leaving Now.
to Find Room just for One...

People around cause all my pain
I'm hollow, I suffer
they go about their day
to troubled to fix
so they stay away
they can't understand
so they call it insane
I'm not like them
I just sit in their wake
they claim to do nothing
but won't change their ways....

When everything fails
why try again??
It's not like others
will save you
just seemingly torture you
and tell you
that wrong your again
as you try to figure it out
you become ever so more
panic stricken believing
in yourself as the
ultimate failure
having to process your
understanding of
a life lying to waste
all confidence fractured
and shattered
you hesitate no more
and just pray to decay.....

Just as much as i feel
I would soon rather not
living and breathing anger
with a heart pumping hate
full of resentments and revenge
the hostility never ends
tantrums and outraged
with the displeasure
of your face
I can honestly say
that I despise you
now that thats clear
I'm drawing nearer to you
with my heart pumping stronger
and my anger breaths longer
you are now within my grasp
and my thoughts will not pass
so what should i do
to take care of you
to many ways
I have been counting the days
so I'll let you choose
cause it's your life to lose.....

Divided within with
spells and rage
thoughts become useless
their all the same
mental and ******
so calm I remain
it's easy to hate
when identities relate
inside myself
the hostility invades
I clash with myself
endure the pain
combat the hatred
just to sustain
the conflict goes on
it won't go away
I live with this contest
it seems everyday......

Torn in two and feeling blue
doused in my reflection
because I would hate
to be like you
disgusted and displeased
why won't you let me be me
to shape and mold beliefs
a vision far and few between
to grow up and produce
a distorted kind of machine
I fail your ways, your test
your on my *** and won't let it rest
to be respected and admired
no wonder we don't mesh.

I'm just a ghost,
it starting to show.
Becoming so faded
as i'm growing old,
my life is so cold,
I'm always alone,
reach for the nothing
without any bones.

Me, I am happy with who I am as a core person, it just seems not being able to connect with people hinders relationships in my life. My self esteem is really low, but I wouldn't want to be anyone other than myself. I ******* crack myself up with the thoughts that roll through my head. lol. Self acceptance seems just to hard to grasp as a whole. I like me, but i hate my life. Seems ******* redundant to me. There does not seem to be any middle ground, one extreme to the next. While living in the gray ******* area of life. Blood spilling out of my pores, while i sit lying to waste in my own shadow. Hope you had a good day. Mine is just plain okay.

This life that I live
seems like forever i breathe
why won't it stop
I am seeking some relief
the burden that's inside
it festers, it seethes
in agony I suffer
minds begin to bleed
as I stage to motion on
hope has become so bruised
to stay in life to live
I am waiting so confused
wanting not to wake up again
or to sing to life's tune
I hope all of this stops
and I hope that it's real soon
why am I still here?
begin to tighten the noose
plastic bag over head
so the failures  reduced
to get the task done
I rush to lock the room
when my fate awaits
I call it  my doom...

How it feels just to be completely lost
by the world in which we have known
To celebrate how free a mind can actually be
once left by itself
Not being able to blend with society around
allows us to be free within
Mainstream thought seem so simple
bringing out the curious being
our maker truly believes we should be
just to cope with the world around.

I lose it everyday
somewhat different
but always the same
as strange as this sound
forever up, never down
it's a scared place to be
a walk inside of me
the mania never stops
this moods complex plots
like I'm yelling at me
with breath ******* in knots
being unable to scream
your grips to extreme
being host to your cause
you have left me so lost
as your castaway
I lie and I waste...

Is it making any sense?
whats rolling around my head.
just don't understand,
all that has been said.

This mind is left alone
and feelings have been sold.
I market to the zone,
and left out in the cold

My spirit starts to show,
body broken every bone
come into this home
I still remain alone........

As I take it to the limit
just this last time
the harder it gets
the higher I climb
to advance to new boundaries
to see what may come
to unravel my conscience
become spiritually undone
feeling unwell
as my mind astrays
it's been to much fun
just counting the days
I go for a walk
my mind on a leash
further I go
so far out of reach
my fate is made up
forever it stays
forget who i am
It just sounds so cliche....

"Life is like biting into the ripest peach,
Only to realize,
Your just chewing on dog ****."

As I live I a sane world??
that makes no sense!!!
my psyche strays,
as my logic takes a stroll.
I begin to create and envision
all that is false to me.
And make it a reality all
of my own.
Having control and partnering
resident thoughts, just goes to show
that you are not real to me.........

I can honestly say
I am glad you are gone
you were never true
you left like the others
all left me so blue
you move on to the next
left my heart in arrest
and my mind so oppressed
I guess I was good for awhile
as long as I live in denial
with him in you hand
you walk with a smile
you never said you would leave
stayed around to deceive
now I'm rid of you
and now I reap the relief,.....

When the World you had Known
has left you all alone
Is this the feeling of free?
to have your own thoughts complete
no one to argue
no one to compete
just left to carry the
weight of your own
and living the adventure
of exploring ones self
the inner peace along with
you psyche released
convincing you that
your truly your only friend..

With all the whisper
all the screams
and the mumbles in between
some give me comfort
some are just obscene
the pain inside my head
just waiting to pass
secluded in discomfort
seems forever that it last
disturbing speculation
always to unfold
mood alteration
of feelings being sold
chaos and disorder
begin to take flight
why can't you see??
this ever raging fight
that lives inside of me....

A tribute to the insane
we are not left alone
defy thy father
left me here
just to stand all
alone
take my regrets
make them madness
be by my side
I thought what
I did was right
help me forget
I remember everything
for whatever reason why
if i could hold back the pain
sell all my thought
and start aging
who controls me now.......

Iv'e had a Hell of a time
without leaving this place
paste a psychotic smile
all over my face
it is all going wrong
needle stuck in my arm
the ring in my head
sets off the alarms
I'll take the reigns
junk flows through my veins
and I'll do it again
I still remember my name
faded within
my eyes start to go black
sight fades in and out
because i've been slapped....

My mind and all my thoughts
strain through a filter
Left for most to not understand!!
like mornings coffee
soon to wear off.
My mind gets lost
to  maneuver through the Void
just to get you to sift the sanity
through the the grounds of a new day
to open a new wave or a false wake of the
reality that shown by a soul that is
misunderstood of life reasons
to continue to carry forth or move on
through a belief of another
what frequency of a reality
does it take for me to believe
into what it is taking
just for me to be your only friend??!.....

Every scar I try to hide
you are the fake that breaks me
I am forever changing
you are the fate that shapes me
As I fall in
you burn out
I feel the pain is fading
I see your face erasing
I'm empty inside
happy denied
I bare the scars within
coat is wearing so thin
It feels so faded an violent
screams remain silent
as hopeless I fight for
whats in between
living without any relief
I'm falling out of place
lost and turned away
No better than before
Still broken and afraid......

As I slowly strangle,
feet still on the floor.
Noose to tight to scream,
but not to ignore.

Not destine to stay,
or to live in this place.
I'm not in hurry.          
life is not a footrace.      

I am unable to grasp,
all my delusions aside,
I rest all my reasons
while cognition subsides.

Without my emotions,
to deaden the blows
will I make it through this
nobody knows??

Strangling so slowly,
I exist if i stay
but my life is so tragic,
that i would rather decay!!

In this nightmare, My dream        
is troubled to see.
Why in the Hell don't I            
just drop to my knees??

Bounded by which way to go
I CAN NOT  RUN, I CAN'T  PRAY
not any one reason
no reasons to stay.

Why even here,
I have been given no guide,
breathe or suffocate,
Have I already died??

When the end of time
is running ever so late
It feels like forever
is never the same

I'm lost and alone
who wants to be me
there is no light here
and no reason to breath

I try to decide
where to run and hide
my shadow wont follow
the light is not on my side

My history is for sale
because thoughts remain stale
so why is my life
ever so pale?

Only vacant stares left
feeling empty inside
I can't rest my mind
or even my eyes

Where left to go
when memories have been sold
to be someone else
STILL LOST AND ALONE...............

I am at the end of my rope,
with you!!
Cruel World.
Would you please
STOP ALREADY!!!
You have made a mess.
You have finally **** yourself, and
have blamed me for the pile.
Shame and Blame is all you know.
you twist the words of others,
while you belch out orders.
Yet, you wonder why people
stray from your cause.
maybe they are programed to rebel
against being enslaved with
the stupidity that you possess??
Not sure here??
But i do know that,  
Some day, One that is ignorant and shamed. That i will be through.            Just to see IF?!?
I have learned a thing from you.

Coming down is the hardest
part of the clouds
stepping away from the ledge
just to save myself !!
how much can i take
before I break???
I could never be
symptoms to believe In
tear me down
tear me apart
I pull myself under
mistake after mistake
deranged like no other
I could never be who
you want me to be
I cant you see you,
your the being that will never be?....?