i hate the way your lips curve saying goodbye
i only like them straight up pressed against mine

i see your eyes through your curls
and the light is shining through
i feel the ocean waves through my vains
when i look at you,
my belly turns and i wonder if this is love

then i see your tired eyes in the morning
and i feel your heart beat in my hand when i hold you
your voice over the phone when you say you miss me
and the way you talk about what saves you
and when you dream nobody can stop you
the cold winter wind hasnt been there lately
since i met you you're all i could see clearly
some say we're too young to live this purely
frankly i do not give a ****

they dont see you through my eyes
could you even blame them?
they've probably never heard you laugh
it  makes my heart warm for a second it doesnt ache

and i know it's love

i usually write the pain away
i drink and smoke through the day
since you've left my colors have been grey

my biggest fear must be loss
i cant leg go i wont even try
i will grip on to hope
even if my eyes never dry

i've only had empty pages since you've left
how can i call myself a poet
when i cant even put in words
how empty i feel
how hard its been
to sleep through
to not feel blue

people have been talking
doesnt mean its true
people have been asking
how do i stop falling back into
the night i lost you

tell me if i'm asking for too much
but would it be ok if i left the lights on for you?
i understand we cant to be in the same room
but the keys are still in the same place they're in my shoe
please watch out for the boxes stacked up against the door
i packed up everything i've ever written and poured my heart into
ill make sure the lights are on
so you don't stumble upon our memories hid under the carpet
i took down the pictures we framed in the kitchen
i painted the walls and i threw away the couch

but i'll still leave the lights on for you
the keys will stay in my red shoe
just in case

Healing is eating dinner with your mother at the table again
Healing is looking both ways when crossing the streets,
And maybe healing is not more than a shuddered sigh,
some hope inhaled, and a heart unveiled
We talk about healing like it’s a life goal we set up so high
But, what if healing was merely tapping your feet to an old song
Singing along the lyrics you know are wrong
Healing was never supposed to happen over night,
But maybe it’s about staying up counting stars
Rather than counting lovers that left after the first fight

You blame yourself ,you say time will heal
You go through it all, never know what you feel
Now it’s been some time,
yet you still cannot listen to that song
It’s been some time,
You haven’t slept alone in so long
You say time heals
But it’s been a while
And you still carry a lump in your throat when you hear their name—
Maybe time doesn’t heal
Maybe healing is solely calling up your father for a chat,
Remembering to water your plants
And writing down a list of things you could forget

Perhaps healing is forgiving, not anyone in particular
But yourself
For feeling what you feel
For needing to heal

Wearing your sweater covered in memories
Wearing my heart like the holes in my jeans
My shoes red like the fire you set in me
You left me blue
And now i wish i could breathe
As easily as you did leave
My friends all told me I’d bleed
Who would have thought it’s you that I’d need
My parents warned me about the drugs in the streets
But never the ones with green eyes and a heart beat
So when will we meet?
no more between the sheets
Perhaps one day on the streets
Wearing the same old red shoes on my feet
And your sweater on me still so neat

you have this fear of answers
but cant stop overthinking questions

this world has taught you to dream
to live a different life
never yours
always somebodys

don't you dare color outside the lines
dont forget to look around
ask if youre doing it right

so you wake up on a daily
in an unfamiliar body
never yours
always some body
you travel through the bed sheets
you find your dreams under the pillow
so you leave them there
just like momma taught you
''dreaming is not for the likes of us''

but what if-
what if you leave your bed
you carry your dreams
your heart on your sleeves
dare speak up
even if your voice shakes
dare break out of the cell you were born in
what if-
this is everything you've been waiting for?
what if you open your eyes in the mirror and finally say
welcome home?
what if the thunder breaking your windows was for your own good
at least now the sun can shine through

what if this time,
this life
is everything you've ever lost
returned back to you?