I finally ******* get it
I need to know when to stop
I need to know when to focus
Enough of the smoke and mirrors
And all the hocus pocus
I’ve got to be preoccupied
To keep everything off my mind
What am I doing with my time?
Am I only a distraction
Instead of being the action
People wanna move
Standing still will make em snooze
Instead of being tight
I’ve never tried with all my might
Nobodies going to tell me what to do
If I expect it I’ll be *******
I cant let my **** be loose
Waking up is only the beginning
The rest of the day still needs some filling
My level needs to be higher
So I can gain and be desired
My brain had gone haywire
But I’ve finally fixed the wires
Finally some of my demons can retire
There are more moments when my head is clear now
Maybe I can finally get the standing ovation while I bow
I want to inspire
Be more than just admired
I want to truly be love
Tired of the when push comes to shove
I don’t want to fight anymore
There’s somebodies children I want to bore
What kind of mother would I be if I was just another chore

Here comes the epiphany
The moment where I finally gain some sanity
Before I was aware now I’m finally self aware
I can finally see what’s in my 1000 yard stare
When did I ever become so eager
Where did it begin?
Maybe it’s the child that’s lost within
who was deprived of attention
Finally the attention did come but it was unfortunately through molestation
My heart races for it, my mind paces for it
People I love find it hard do ignore it
It’s about time I stopped boring it
It it it it it
**** attention
I don’t even need a mention
Why should I cry
Pry my heart and let it dry
I’m so angry at myself
How the **** did I put my own needs on the shelf
**** this
No more excuses
It’s time to stop being so useless
People see I don’t take care of myself
Why did I put my dignity on the shelf
I need to stop substituting those things for the elf
I don’t need help
That’s why they all yelp
I need to get off my ***
I have no reason for sass
I’m not the ****
I’ve got a lot of more to work on than I’d like to admit

You used to sweet
& now you ain’t much of a treat
Unless you want some meat
When you want some of this ***
All of sudden you’ve got some class
& All it takes is a little sass
To remind you who you trying to **** with
Fool me once, fool me twice,
Third times a charm is a myth
******* you’re unappreciative
Once you had me inebriated
Now all I ever am is ******* irritated
I see the man I love but all I feel is hate for you
I walk away cause now I know it’s through
Don’t even think about coming back without bringing some fast food
Cause that’s all your good for now my dude
Your tongue used to make my toes curl
Now thinking about making love and everything you’ve done makes me want to hurl
I’m sorry lady boy, you’re going to have to find yourself a new girl..

Ive never felt to ******* beautiful
Shedding the dead weight and everything that's not very useful
Words Ive been craving to hear
sharing ideas, ideals with intentions that are clear
My only hope is that none of this will start to disappear
& and my only disadvantage was you saw right through me
Reading the signals like they're poetry
You see past the charade I use to hide pain and fallacies
Helping me pick up the broken pieces
Barking up my tree even though its leafless
Telling me Ive got to grow
theres more to me that i should start to show
you cant stand seeing me at a level so low
im faster to let my blood boil and square up to go toe to toe
for you, I soften up
beginning to see I don't have a half empty cup
its half full now that you've come into my life
is it too soon to start talking about how i want to be your wife?

I cant seem to sleep through the night
without feeling like nothing is alright
I dont know whats wrong with me
ive got a million thoughts running all at once
i wish i could just scream
constantly torn between wanting to be a lady
but everything i do just seems to make me look crazy
maybe there is something wrong me
a chemical imbalance, i just want to make it out to saftey
what if i cant save me from myself
not that i dont want to ask for help
every where i turn my mental state just repels
i want to be okay
it effects all my relationships so most leave me at bay
i dont want to scare anyone away
all i want is for someone to stay
i guess misery really does love company
nobody seems to mind when i share love drunkenly
i wish i was always easy going
but my crazy side just keeps on showing..

Eventually he just faded away
Like the bruises he left me

Nothing seems to add up
When everything is laid out on a spread sheet

He says the words, I love you
Everything feels like a run-through

Next thing he tells me is to *******
The sudden drop of his ***** made me chaff

Find somebody to worship me he said
Go build yourself and find a place
to break bread.

I could yell and I could scream
But my time is far to valuable to be wasted on somebody so mean.

Thinking about a past lover
isn’t exactly the healthiest outlet
But it makes getting over you
a lot easier, I’ve got to admit.
I saw myself in you
I guess we’re more alike
than I ever knew.
World class pieces of ****,
Who don’t know when to shut the
**** up or quit.
I’m done recycling my hate.
I’m done with my Freudian fate.
I need to rise from these ashes.
Can’t set myself up for any back lashes.
I’ve never felt more self aware,
now all I gotta do is get up and out of here.
I think I’ve discovered my worse fears.
Mamas boys, becoming my mother.
No longer scared of getting beat on by my brothers.
All I gotta do know is stop thinking about my past lover.
Mind my business
Maybe go for a ride on my flying nimbus
I’d bring you along but your heart isn’t pure
Don’t come running back to me like I’m the cure
I’m sorry but your going to have to work it out on your own..
I’ve got my own demons to silence in this egg shaped dome.