if I were asked , are you okay
I would know not what to say
The way my feelings work
the way they ebb and flow
turns my headspace into an auditorium
full of noise
full of sorrow
full of love
with hopes for a better tomorrow
I guess I'll say I'm okay because
I've got to chase this wolf away
It breathes down my neck
It haunts every step
it salivates at the thought
of sinking it's fangs in again
and again and again
I'm hoping the meds take effect
like a huntsman
please release me from this beast
Until that time comes
I won't stop believing that I can be
free

When our eyes lock
every little thing stops
we danced this way a thousand times
a thousand ways
a thousand blinks
and yet it always feels anew
flowing and free

When our hands lock
every little thing is felt
we've touched this way
a thousand grips of passion
it always feels like
sweat and senselessness

Our tension, that exist
clear intentions, like lips about to kiss
with attention , I stand for you
without exception, I stan for you

I stan for you
in a thousand ways
I stan for you

I've seen enough of this place
all I want is home
I am done debating theories
of heaven
so tired of this hell
some hope has kept me waiting
it's time to break it's spell

Unless, you sing your song again
how many times have I come around after listening to your sound...?

It's been going on for a decade now.

I feel some of the fog has lifted
a moment of clarity

I love you
I love you
I love you

I feel some of the fog has lifted
I can remember why I'm doing this

I love me
I love me
I love me

If nothing else makes sense
I can at least turn to these feelings

oh how much they've kept me
grounded in reality
when everything and everyone else
feels like make believe

When the sun hits
You shine with a stronger light in your eyes
then the stars in the sky
More than a well within you
You're an uncharted body of water
That none have yet to discover
I've never learned to swim
without eventually causing myself to drown
But when I'm this close to you
I'm not afraid to flow with your current
One day I hope to get to the depths
where no one's eyes have been
I want to become king of Atlantis
I want to understand how to live
with the sea and understand it's needs
I want to be quite like Poseidon
let go and breathe
You're like no person above

You are the ocean

Constantly
on my mind
pounding
As fast as the beat you feel
when you put your hand over your heart

I need to be better
I need to get better
I need to be better
I need to get better
I can't stay this way anymore

I hate it
but I can't scream

Just one day I hope I can be who you believe me to be
whoever or whatever it is that you see

Numerous things
It isn't like I can list them as they come to me
Just picking one thing is like picking specific strands
out of a bundle of hay
You are the way
You are the way
You are the way
I pictured love to be

A many miles seperation
can't be what you want up close
everything about this exist
the way it does in binary code
Probably the best way
cuz there's no way
everything that's said could mean a thing
If we ever meet
the fantasy is always better than reality

I wanna give up.

I want to be wanted

I want to be chased

I want to run in circles

I want to make a figure 8

And you get used to it

So when I stop
It'll be unexpected

Like an empty cavern
This hollow secret place was once barred and closed off
Till you stepped in like a miner
with your lamp of words and touch
You turned this place into your home
Little did I know, day by day
You'd dig in close
And chip away at me
more and more
Till the day you cast me like a die in a game
I couldn't yet know I was to be a pit stop
on your road to find a place to go
I was not the knight that had come to rescue you, if only it were so
I went from being a lonely soul
To now understanding what more the world could hold

I know it wasn't the end goal
But my naivety
Left me without a way to know that I would be
a paper castle in a storm....

This arrival, a blessing
We teetered between the dozens of words, spilling forth while only revealing, the few.
A balance between witty banter or that avoidance of awkward

Just breathe
I tell myself again and again
To avoid tilting into over stepping
Whatever, THIS, right now is
I unexpectedly felt a warmth growing in my chest
A smirk of bliss graced my lips

Something happens when you've found that special some one
Akin to love at first sight

I only saw you through my window
I only saw you through my window
for many months
emotion stirred up, it seemed so simple

But you'll never know
But you'll never know.....

Gone are the feelings of yesterday
It really doesn't matter where I stay

Gone are the feelings of yesterday
No longer have to wonder what I will eat

Gone are the feelings of yesterday
But my first taste of love may still hurt me

Gone are the feelings of yesterday
And yet it feels as if I never made it to today

Sometimes your mind's stuck rewind
and play

Just try to grow....

Those whispered words flow
out into the atmosphere
when you speak
Fading
spoken as a truth
that was never ever here

You're okay
You're okay
How many times
have I heard
that

How long will it be till you realize
I never once believed in the lie you'd tell

I feel like a ghost
wanting more
Can you warm my cold soul
I've seen you smile
and light up a room
I've seen you make cheeks go from pale to rose
can you flash that smile on me
I've always seen it from afar
I bet your laughter reaches the furthest star
causing supernovas
can I just hear it if I speak about the nonsense I feel myself
to be

I don't feel as stable
as I make it out to be
I don't feel as solid
as I pretend to be
sometimes it feels like
just one word, one look, one touch
could break me
into a million pieces
and the thought of that
also feels me with an odd sense of peace
I already feel like a puzzle thats missing a piece
I'd pray to a god on me knees
if there was ever a sign to make me believe
that all this wasn't wishful thinking
Just hopeful make believe

The light is dim
and in the quiet I hear
sniffling
my baby is crying again

I know the feeling
like a pain you can't soothe away

As I sit here and wonder
**** it babe, I'm crying again

I'll hold you till it passes
until it comes around again
I'll hold you till it passes
until it comes around again

Every single day
A life fades away
And every time I read an article
I wonder if one day someone will read my name.

Maybe if you knew
How this mind works
Like I do

Maybe you'd run for the hills
and maybe you'd engage for the thrills
Maybe.... Only if you knew

Through your tears
And my actions
Our fire went out
Our fire went out

your voice echoing
we're better than this
when you've broken down
when you've broken down

Though I have found
A life without love
just feels like I've drowned

Your heart now in a home without doors
this experience constructed your decor
Out of memories
Guilt, blame, and shame
A spell left behind keeps
you locked away.....
Maybe someone can release you
someday

It's easy to lift you up, without possessing your heart
You aren't born this cold, it's something you learned after
Had you crossed that street, you may have avoided disaster
Atleast from the beginning I warned her
But those warnings were drowned out with laughter
Fingers like smoke touching skin
And a stroke that felt like loving
Sweet words whispered in silence
But lack of fulfillment
brought forth corruption

I can hear you
stumbling there in the dark
but I can't see you
and it just tears me apart
I feel you there, every day
I'm still not sure, what gets in the way
I have been somewhat okay
and I'd rather not hurt
Just to stir something awake
I hope that isn't the way to find
my miracle words from pain

Look at me again
with those guarded eyes,
freckled with bitterness
like glitter, and the forgotten love you can still taste on your tongue.

Do you breath a sigh of relief, now that you're gone?

My want is an ungranted wish
Since my words shot down all of the stars
That you once cast your gaze upon.

What keeps us believing in eternity
in different places, surrounded and separated
by millions of hearts in between

What keeps us believing in forever
with this glass right in front of us
all that's left for us are numbers as words
to express our love, our love

Well that fire we've created upon meeting is
still burning, we feel it flickering
warming us in it's heat
bringing warmth to our hearts, when we're
alone....

What keeps us believing in finally being happy
while suffering so much at home
this few words we share across the screen
mean more to me...then you will ever know

I ask myself so many times,
"Why are you here and what do you stand for?"
To have someone so good and amazing in my life
just seems so wrong but how strong, how strong
You must be to stay here and stay as you are

There's no reason for me to admit the obvious
who am I to deserve such a miracle in the form of you
In the real world, it's never supposed to work out like this, am I dreaming it this?
I mean you told me you love me!
How real could this be? Im suffocating in my disbelief... I'm suffocating in what you've called nothing special, when I've seen nothing short of perfect...

I've been sick with this fever of confliction
Wanting to say the three words, the same three words you've whispered in your sleep, and in my dreams, but what holds me back is my fear

The fear that you won't react the same way I do
When I hear them, not that you'd reject them
but soon that you'll realize I could never amount to the man you believe I could be, no
never do I believe that could be me...

I remember every moment we shared
every time you showed me you cared
I tried my best to be the best I could for you
I'd drop all of my life to prove what I mean

I'll somehow overcome my gears
I never want you to go, I never want you to leave
I want you to stay with me
I want to hold your face in my hands and admit even though I'm nothing
I'll fight to be everything

Just so you can hear me say I love you
You'll tell me you love me
and we'll both believe