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Hastfan Jul 2023
I loved you, and we’ve been here before
In my memories, you’re bitter, sore.  

Photos gone, pictures lost
Held on for so long, thought of times past

But finally I have released them
Gone from my possession, retreated -

Never to remind me again
All that’s left is what’s bled my heart red.


Memories and thoughts, your laughter echoes
I shed one last tear, scream as if you were near -

But you can’t hear me, won’t even know
How my heart felt about you long ago.

And now you’re gone
My memories will fade -

Distort and conform as I remember them
And I am sad, not because you’re gone -

Because eventually I’ll forget what we had,
And neither of us will be all that sad.
7 months.
Hastfan Jul 2023
When I die, where do I go?
Does time not pass, noticed no?
Before my life, did time pass?
Did my presence stop present past?
When I was born did I wake?
I do not remember the day.
Did my consciousness come to be?
Or did non-existence pause for me?
Is this the natural state?
Is life the unhealthy, unnatural way?
Why is there a before and after?
Or does what existed before not matter?
Does past become present at once?
Does my heart that beats truly love?
Do these words that come from from my mind,
Exist before written, line by line?
I wish my mother had told me this,
That the point where past and presence switch
Is oft where you find reality sits.
When I die I believe time will pass all at once
Because when I sleep time does not pass for me
It only starts when I awake.
Hastfan Nov 2022
Dad
Dad heard but never listened
Looked but never saw

Time spent was time wasted
And silence was our loudest talk

Money given was always taken
Reclamation for timeless thoughts

Dad went but never waited
Answered but never called

When time was there for us to talk
Dad drank,
and silence won once more
Hastfan Jan 2021
I see death in all his mirrors
Lives have lost, lives he’s splintered

I see death on burnished clouds
Gaze upon him, for he is ours

I see death beneath his shroud
Turn back banner - taken how?

I hear death beneath the din
My life’s fears drowned to swim

I feel death atop my grave
Petals wilt - cry out in pain

I taste death beneath my blade
A startled sting of better days

I see death in all his mirrors
All shall weep, All you sinners
Hastfan Jan 2021
I see demons catch their breath
The stars dimmer at my behest
Although I will die a distant test
A million thoughts lie in my debt.

My mind is scattered, bridged by woes
Legions March my thoughts in droves
Mine is strength and lust for power
All shall weep and watch devoured.

For my dreams hold endless thought,
My mind has its destruction wrought
I bite my blisters - bear them forth
My skin a patchwork, of marked taunts.

Those who know me say they’ve told me
Bitter are the ones who hold me
Go now coldly, leave self lonely
Leave me be for one night only
I am bitter for I am broken.
Hastfan Jan 2021
Oh by the cruel fate twist
Why must it be like this?
We fight and we suffer
We pay for our blunders

A prize so great
Leaves naught but gape
A hole in our lives
The whole of our rights

Our hope in a cage
Its our death that awaits
A peaceful bliss
A romantics last writ

Take some form
Go without scorn
Adapt and survive
For you will always suffer
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