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Jul 2021 · 451
Lovers
Raeann Jul 2021
Days screaming  
Nights waiting
Smleling of strangers
Shaded glances
Queston's unanswered
Moons departure suns gleam awaken
wounds forgiven thoughts receding
First draft
Sep 2020 · 609
Night Terror
Raeann Sep 2020
When I wake screaming
fear clogs my throat n nips my heels
I cram myself into the smallest place I can find
I know I should call you
but from experience
you're not the only thing who picks up the phone
Lately night terrors and sleep waking have become apart of my life again
Sep 2020 · 199
Suicide Watch
Raeann Sep 2020
Didn't sleep much
on suicide watch I tell my coworkers
being I good friend they think
who'd a thought the friend I was watching was me
I'm 31 and its gets dark sometimes
Jun 2020 · 138
I s(t)ay
Raeann Jun 2020
Hes not that bad I say
On my knees again his friends laugh
Hes not that bad I say
He yells at me for a minor thing I did
Hes not that bad I say
When he calls me stupid
Hes not that bad I say
smaller portion for me he says I'm fat
Hes not that bad I say
When he raise a hand to me (I flinch)
Hes not that bad I say
Split lip cracked ribs
Hes not that bad I say
When hes calling other girls
Hes not that bad I say
When I leave and he says he loves me
Hes not that bad I say
I think I can fix him
Hes not that bad I say
No means no and he does it anyway
Hes not that bad I say
When he holds my hand my fingers are broken
Hes not that bad I say
When I've called the police again
(just a misunderstanding)
Hes not that bad I say
When his hands leave my throat
Hes not that bad I say
I get flowers and I rasp I love them
Hes not that bad I say
When I pull the trigger
Jun 2020 · 117
Room
Raeann Jun 2020
Good morning I say
To the closet door
I knock three times

A look into the void as it opens
I look at the shapes of clothing I'll never wear

Discusted
I Look at my reflection on the doors mirror

Prodding at poking at my insecurity
I close the door
I go to bed
Ill try again tommrow.
Feeling weird about myself
Jun 2020 · 443
Situation
Raeann Jun 2020
I invited you
You invited yours
Yours invited family

This wasnt a hookup
This wasnt a double date

I just closed my eyes
I just held my breath

Untill you finished
I invited my friend over to hang she invited her boyfriend  and her boyfriend invited his brother, his brother figured that it was a double date or  a hook up and it wasn't
he attacked me
This is why you shouldn't Take niceness for flirting

This was years ago and i said no  and laughed at the weirdness he got so angry
I just didnt want him to hurt me. I was alone and scared.
Raeann May 2020
Good morning, I hope your well.
Haven't talked to you in a while.
Saw your mom she looks sad I gave her a hug and we cried for a long while. It felt good.

Are you in a diffrent body and when random people smile at me or are nice to me, is that you?

When I see a stranger and i feel like i know that person  thats impossible unless it's you...
! Next time maybe hold a purple bandana then I'll known its you for sure.

I miss our long talks so much has happend over the years and I dont think anyone will fill your place.

I wanted to **** myself the  other day, held my breath underwater till it hurt

I named a scar after you not a healthy reaction I know, but the cuts deep and didnt bleed. It's tough like you.

Good morning. Hope you're doing fine.

Went to sleep because I was stupid enough with a stranger  I was afraid I wouldent be able to find you.
Then I thought maybe I'd find someone who is lost like me and they knew you and you are fine.

I'm still afraid of birds but a crow near my house gets close to me and seems kind and will make weird noises at me some times I feed it and talk to it like it's you.

Sad music makes me feel better.
Were you the same?

Mother said I cannot marry a girl would you have married me?

Good night.. talk to you again.
Many journal entries to a good friend who passed away when i  was 13.
Let me know if youd like more of these.
Apr 2020 · 176
kindness for flirting.
Raeann Apr 2020
Dont mistake my kindness for flirting

When you wanna show me a cool game or book that means I didnt agree to see your *****.

When we have something in common that dosnt mean I want your hands around my neck.

When I say goodbye with a hug your hands shouldn't be at my ***

when I pull away it dosnt mean I want a kiss.
It's hard makeing friends as an adult
Nov 2019 · 93
Talk To You
Raeann Nov 2019
Today's the day
I'm going to ask you out
I have a piece of paper so I don't choke on my words  
At the coffee shop early waiting by door
ready..
Rehearsing what i'll say to you
you're always here at 8am sharp
10th day now and you aren't around.
Today's not the day
Been getting coffee at tims for a couple of year now and i see the same lady when we've spoken we've connected
found out last night she killed herself.
Jul 2019 · 490
Skin
Raeann Jul 2019
I let you crawl under my skin
Like a parasite under flesh n bone
Slithering up my body to my jaw
Where you make your nest
Where I grind my teeth
Might delete.
Jul 2019 · 260
Best I could.
Raeann Jul 2019
My hands held the peices of our love
Crazy glue at the ready
Waiting for you to help me arrange our lives.
Craft room empty
Walls laid barren
No pretty vase to grow the flowers we dreamed.
Just peices of pottery in the trash
FEED BACK NEEDED.

— The End —