I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

than this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

I am damaged
I am broken
but you will
never
see me
on my knees

I think,
a part of me died
when you did
I think,
I would have
learned so many things
from you
and I think,
I would have
loved living
if you were
still alive
and I think,
I would have
turned out a completely
different person
if you were still here
but,
you're not
you're not here
you're not alive
and,
I don't think
I am either...

I miss you
and I'm sorry that I do
but,
I do,
I miss you

I remember the way
you looked at me
with so much disgust
with so much hate
it made me feel unwanted
it made me feel like a bug
I'd say that was the first time
I ever truly hated you
It's been two years
and I cannot forget
the way you looked at me
with so much hate
with so much disgust

I think
a part of me died
when you did
I wish,
the roles
were reversed
and I was the one
who died
instead.
the world
would have been
a better place
if you were here
instead of me.
it wouldn't matter
if I were alive or dead
but you on the other hand
you, my darling
you would have made
all the difference
in the universe