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Diary of Jane Dec 2018
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You and I
A miracle




................

Unwritten
In the stars
Diary of Jane Sep 2018
Could there be
anything sadder
than
you and I
existing
in the same universe
but never
meeting
in this life again?
Diary of Jane Oct 2017
What kind of love is this
that can neither be expressed
nor remain hidden?
What kind of love is this
that no matter how hard I repress
still overflows in my veins?
What kind of love is this
that demands nothing
but knows only to give?
What kind of love is this
that tears apart my heart
every time we say goodbye?
What kind of love is this
that makes this heart quiver
even at the thought of a time
when you will not be there in my life?
What kind of love is this
that won’t let me feel anything
else for you except this
irrevocable, unconditional love?
What kind of love is this
that has no destination
but still goes on aimlessly?
Diary of Jane Dec 2023
It is not that
I am not loved.
I know it in my heart.
I feel it in my veins.
Love overflows in abundance
in many forms in my life
Yet my heart is eternally
starved of it.
It started with him-
This affliction of never-ending yearning
That has no cure or respite
And somehow all the love in the world
Is not enough to fill this black hole
That he left behind.
Diary of Jane Oct 2023
Of all the people
I have loved and lost
You are the one
I remember the most.
Diary of Jane Aug 2023
You know what ***** the most?
That I miss you
even at my happiest.
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
"Have I lost you?" he asked her that day.

"No," she replied smilingly,




"You never had me, but yes, you have surely lost the chance to ever have me. I don't do second chances."
Diary of Jane Jul 2018
A thousand different scenarios
I build in my head,
laying awake at night,
watching the forlorn sky
and try to conjure up
the reaction you give me
as it finally dawns you.

But the scenarios dissolve
as reality crashes
and it settles in my stomach
like a ton of bricks
that you will always remain oblivious
to what you mean to me.
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
I cannot think of a future
where you are there-
all roads lead
away from you.
Diary of Jane Apr 2019
I won't let you
creep into my words anymore
No, I refuse to give you that power.

I will erase every trace of you in my veins,
banish every thought of you from my mind.


I will exorcise the ghost of you from my memory
I will be free of you-
This is I promise
even if it's the last thing I ever do,
I will die trying.
Diary of Jane Dec 2023
Let's burn all the bridges,
Shall we?
So that there is nothing left
Anymore between us
No hope,
No way,
No chance,
That leads us back to each other
So that we cannot
Break each other anymore.
Diary of Jane Nov 2023
Someone once told me
That I indulge in my sadness,
That I treasure it
Like it's some luxury,
I feed it
Like it's my life source,
And I can't help but wonder
If what he said is true?
After a certain time,
Can you get addicted to sadness?
Diary of Jane Nov 2018
It doesn't make a sound
when it breaks
but it hurts the loudest.
Diary of Jane Aug 2018
Stay
with
me

Sit
by
my side

Reach out
your hand

Speak to me
in silence

I will understand
Diary of Jane Sep 2018
If there is a fine line
between love and madness
I know I crossed it
when I loved you.
Diary of Jane Feb 2019
I have this
intense
insane
inexplicable
curiosity
to know you
not to love you
or be with you
but just to know you
to unravel you.
Diary of Jane Mar 2019
Everyone hurts
Everyone feels
Everyone loves
But some does all of these
more than the others.

And I can never decide
if it's a curse or a gift
To feel everything
on the spectrum
so very intensely.

Especially on days like these
when every pinprick feels
like the twisting of a knife
when the slightest sound
makes you jump
when all you want
is a little respite
from the insanity
that reigns inside your head.
Diary of Jane Dec 2023
Dear Life,
No way in hell
You are going to send me back
To the hell I crawled my way through
No matter how many times you try
You will always fail
Because you only get one chance
To break a heart that is whole...
Diary of Jane Jul 2019
There are two kinds of death-
One, when the world mourns us
And the other, when we mourn ourselves.
Diary of Jane Sep 2023
Do not cry,
That we didn't end up together,
Smile,
That the universe tried.
Diary of Jane Oct 2023
Do you ever wish
that life had given you
some other pain
instead of the ones it handed you?
Do you think
it would have made any difference?
Would you still then be you
or someone else?
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
They say, if someone you loved
didn't love you back,
you should take that love,
and spread it
in the world around you.
I have tried and tried
to do just that
but still, it won't fill the gap
that you left behind,
and all I feel is empty.
Diary of Jane Nov 2023
Maybe she was born
With a heart
Forever meant to pine
After things
Never meant to be...
Diary of Jane Jan 2019
Sometimes I look around me
and everything feels so fake -
I doubt
if I am real or not.
Diary of Jane Dec 2018
I fall in love
rarely,
infrequently
but when I do
I fall in love
so fast
it spins my head.

One day
I will find you intolerable
and another
I will discover a piece of you
that resonates with me
lights a spark in me
and I will fall for you
in the blink of an eye
with all of you
and build an entire world
for the two of us.

But the world, most often,
turns out to be made of glass
just waiting to break apart
and I will fall down so hard
and hit the ground
just as fast as I fell in love.
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
Only a fool says, "Follow your heart.."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The wise knows the price of it.
Diary of Jane Nov 2023
Once a fool
Always a fool...
Diary of Jane Apr 2018
These eyes still thirst for a glimpse of you
among the millions of strangers,
they come across every day,
hoping by some miracle, fate, or chance -
today would be the day
when the thirst would be quenched.
Diary of Jane Aug 2018
Somedays I wake up
and it feels like
it happened just yesterday
and not ages ago-
the memory is that crystal clear.
Maybe some ghosts
haunt us forever.
Diary of Jane Jun 30
They say
Denial is the first stage of grief
I think I'm going through it.
I still can't believe that
You are gone,
Just like that, Nana.
Growing up,
I have never known a home
That didn't have you.

I can't believe
that the next time I return
You won't be there,
Waiting for me
In your usual arm chair,
With a cherubic smile on your face,
When you see your granddaughter.

The last time I came home,
I was so afraid
of how much you remember,
if my face would even register,
And when I asked with hope and apprehension,
"Can you recognize me?"
You smiled like,
I had said the silliest thing in the world
and replied, "Why won't I recognize you?"

Home
will never be the same without you.
You used to be my North Star, my Superhero,
The one I always looked up to and was in awe of,
No one will ever match up
To your wisdom, your goodness.
It is like the brightest star
has been snuffed out from my life.
Now, who will I call Nana anymore?
Who will ever smile at me like you used to?

Wherever you are -
I hope you are in a better place,
Happier, healthier, and in peace.
I hope you can walk again in fields of meadows,
And breathe fresh air under the open sky.
I hope you get to eat your favorite dishes
and all the sweets you crave,
I hope where you are,
You can listen to your favorite music,
Read all the books you want,
And write all the stories,
You couldn't in this life.
I hope wherever you are,
You can still feel my love for you.

I will always look for you in the stars,
Love you and miss you forever, Nana.
My grandfather passed away this Thursday, 27th June and has left this huge gaping hole in my heart. He was the finest human being I knew and it was a privilege and a blessing to be his granddaughter. He has been a constant in my life since I was a child and now he is no more. My love for reading, writing, music and so much more, I inherited from him. Please say a prayer for him if you are reading this...🙏
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
Let it out-
all the pain you keep hiding,
all the tears you keep holding inside.
It's okay
if the grief claws out of you.
Just remember-
even if it feels forever,
even if it feels infinite,
even if it feels too much-
it will pass.
You had hit lower than this before
and risen like a phoenix.
You can do it once more.
I promise.
Please don't give up, don't let the monsters in your head win. I know some of us struggle daily with depression, grief, and life and sometimes, it makes zero sense of why we still exist but I strongly believe we exist because we are worth it, even with all of our scars, brokenness, messiness, flaws and what not, we are worth it.
Diary of Jane Oct 2023
I hate the power
you hold over me
even when you're not there.
The way you affect me
in all the worst ways.
The way this love
consumes me
like no other feeling.
The way my own
heart betrays me
and chooses you,
every time.
But most of all -
I hate the way
I love you
when I know
I absolutely should not.
Diary of Jane Aug 21
She poured
All the love
She didn't get from you
And gave you away freely
Into herself now.

I guess it is true
Some people
Come into our lives
To teach us unconditional love
While others are there
To teach us Self-love....
Diary of Jane Jan 2018
He was the poem
she never read loud
but kept in the page of her diary.
He was the song
she never sung out
but hummed when no one was around.
He was the love
she never let grow...
or die.
Diary of Jane Nov 2017
I see you look at me
Then look away instantly
and I follow your lead
afraid it would turn into something more
and we cannot let that be.
Diary of Jane Jun 2018
You will lose people
as you grow older
like coins falling
out of your pocket,
You will lose them
whether you like it or not,
even the ones who promised to stay
and the ones to whom you promised to keep.

Life is a paradox
of holding on and letting go.
Diary of Jane Jul 2018
He was home to her
in a world
that has always felt
like a mighty stranger.
Diary of Jane Jul 2023
Home
Used to be
You

Now
The entire world is a
Mighty stranger

And I don't care about
Fitting in anymore.
Diary of Jane Oct 2018
I don't talk
about you anymore
like I used to

Before,
I would speak of you
to anyone and everyone in my life,
sharing pieces of you with others
so much that people started wondering
if there was something between us.
It was never intentional
but rather an involuntary response
to the pull of gravity I felt towards you.

I used to like the way
your name sounded in my tongue
I used to practice uttering it
and whispering nothingness into your ears.

I used to say your name
like it was sacred

but now it has become taboo
to even think of your name
Every time it comes up in my mind
I have to hit the mental brakes,
I no longer mention you
to anyone else
it's like you do not even exist,
never did -
you are just the ghost of a name
that resides somewhere in my head,
collecting dust.
Diary of Jane Nov 2023
If I loved you once,
some part of me
will always love you,
in one form or another,
No matter why
it never worked out
between us,
No matter who
we're with,
No matter how many miles
we're apart,
You will always have
a piece of me-
This is your gift.
This is my curse.
Diary of Jane Dec 2023
If I can live without you
I can live without anyone else
This much this heart has learnt
This much this heart knows
If it's not you
What does it matter
If it's no one else?
Diary of Jane Nov 2017
I have always loved you
I hope you know that
even at your worst
at my lowest,
even when you believed
I could never love someone like you
even when I denied to myself
I could never love someone. Period.
I have always loved you.
I hope you know that. Always
I miss you
in words,
in dreams,
in memories,
in thoughts,
in feelings,
but never
in my life.
Diary of Jane Aug 2023
A book of
incomplete stories,
almost loves,
unsung songs,
& broken dreams-
sometimes
that is what
her entire life
felt like.
Diary of Jane Dec 2017
Happiness is as easy
and as free
as watching three little, cuddly puppies-
one brown, one white and one sandy,
rolling on the sand
on the street side
and breaking out in unexpected smile
at the innocence in nature
after you had a ****** night
of battling your existential crisis.
Diary of Jane Feb 27
I still remember
Yesterday was your birthday.
Like every other year
I wished you in my mind,
And stopped myself
From making a fool out of myself
For the nth time
And reach out to you
For real.
I would rather cut off my fingers
Than dial your number
Only to be greeted
By a graveyard of silence
On the other side.

I still remember the times
You called me
Before it was 12 am
cause you wanted to be the first
To wish me on my birthday
And for a fraction of time,
I believed you were mine.
Diary of Jane Feb 2018
Concrete jungle
with swarms of people
more like robots,
less like humans,
always running after something,
round-the-clock,
and striving for something,
without even knowing what.
Confused, lost souls
forgotten to smell the rose,
give away time freely
as if time were endless.
Life is measured in-
how many degrees you earned
and the figure you have for your salary.
Families at home,
often neglected,
but we are doing it all for them,
and not for showing off to the society.
Relationships are more for-
status updates and Instagram likes,
but we don't have time for each other,
except may be on Valentine's day,
cause that is mandatory
to glorify our unconditional love to the world.

The cities are filled with buildings
after buildings,
but let's fill up that waterbody too;
there's no room for people after all;
who needs the greenery or nature?
Let's take it all.
We are humans.
We are supreme.
Everything is ours to claim and reign.

What a grand delusion we live with!

What have we done to the world?
What have we made of ourselves?
The title says it all.
Diary of Jane Nov 2023
All the pain
Somehow
Finds its way
Back to you.

I wish
I could
Find a way
Out of this
Labyrinth of suffering.
Diary of Jane Jan 2019
Because of you
she learned to cry
without making a sound

Because of you
she learned to hide her puffy eyes
with carefully applied concealer and eyeliner

Because of you
she learned to hide the marks on her wrist
with full sleeves and fancy bracelets

Because of you
she learned to not let someone in
through the walls she has built around her heart

Because of you
she learned to be on her own
and be comfortable with it

Because of you
she learned to love herself
in ways you never could.
Diary of Jane Dec 2017
Life is not how many years you lived
But how much you lived in those years
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