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How many day ones
Does it take to change a lightbulb?
No longer sick with a secret
Crushed by worry and pain
The avalanche of addiction
Life in a Hurricane
Willing to tell your story
Without blood-letting blame
Being brave every morning
Clothed with courage everyday.

(c) Debra Lea Ryan
05/01/2024
5th Poem/Idea for an concept album project.  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beiwZtKwcMM
Addiction
......is a mountain that you do not have the strength to climb, but do so anyways....and you know that there is an avalanche..a moment of *collapse
and destruction....that is bound to happen at any moment in time, but you do not care because....the view is so beautiful
addiction* is letting your *highs carry you throughout the night because it's the only way you'll be able to greet the day and then allow your lows to drag you through it
addiction is small puddles of water in the desert that lead to a mirage in the distance, you continue drinking, believing that you are being led to your salvation only to realize it has all been an illusion
addiction itself is water, although it does not reside in the desert..it's in your stomach as opposed to food, because if you were to eat you would not only throw up the food, but also the truth
addiction is silence within classrooms....why speak out loud when you are already screaming at the temptation in your mind to leave you be..
addiction is a race between bank accounts and bodies..and its hard to tell which one will cross the finish line of complete emptiness first
addiction is skin clinging to bones like a baby to its mother....but its only ever perceived as beautiful
addiction is carrying vile poison in your veins, and so in your backpack you also carry blades because you never really know when the temptation will scream just a bit too loud..and the time will come to let it all out
addiction is locked doors and cold bathroom floors that you sit upon for hours contemplating your fate..
Addiction is what has carried the minds and souls of those I love to a far away place, and so I suppose I allow it to carry me now in hopes it will bring me to them someday...
Is there a heaven for an addict?
 Dec 2023 Chaos Kidd
Infamous one
U15
Hiding your pain behind a smile
Trying to be normal Always seen as weird
Whatever that means just want to be free
Took one for the team the team player
The team took for themselves
Standing tall taking on the agony
Not one to quit but it's overwhelming
Slowing down barely getting
Gave it to God can't win this alone
This battle taken its toll yet to lose faith
Showing love most consumed by hate
Cried in bed to fall a sleep
Shedding tears overcome fears
 Jul 2021 Chaos Kidd
skyler
pull you close
grab my waist
rest my hands
on your face
kiss you slow
close embrace
lift me up
wearing lace
hands will drift
press and trace
melting with
the sweet taste
love on lips
time to waste
you and i
in this place

s.s
 Jul 2021 Chaos Kidd
Tiana Marie
She was like music,
and I longed to dance.

Her heart was the beat,
and I begged for the chance.

Her words were the vocals,
and I was put in a trance.

Her smile was the melody,
and I fell in love at first glance.
I'm falling away from peace,
Back into my self destruction
And honestly, part of me
Just wants to let it happen.

It's much easier to be a sinner than a saint.
It's been a long time,
But once again,
I'm dopesick.
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