Here we stand,
Screaming, quiet, then alone.
Deal, squash, don't cry,
And for every drop of blood drawn,
Peace slowly fills the body.

I've been waiting,
Aching, longing,
To watch the future end...
God if I don't know it's a sin,
Yet eternal sleep is such an easy win.

Cowardice grows fat with will,
Fear adorning shrunken lips with slitted glee,
Swallowing up what's left of me.
Still, something always lingers,
Tethering suffering to lifelines,
That's what keeps me awake.

Procrastination is a scary thing,
And I wish I could focus,
As I feel the last hours slipping away.

I'm writing the same mindless drivel,
How many times will I make the same point in different ways?
Yet its neither coherent or comprehensible,
Until I slap it together, watching it's brittle bones shake,

Am I even making a point?
I know what I'm writing,
But obviously, I don't-
Will they understand it as it grows?
Just a little push,
I'll be right as rain,
And 300 ideas will rush out of my brain -

So let me focus
Instead of down,
And watch as I finish ahead of the race.

Occasionally,
The brain sinks into a state of undead,
As if even in the afterlife I'm cursed to think.
What a relief it would be,
If all the passing time that tortures me,
Is nothing but eternal day in a sluggish, everlasting rest.

Even the memories,
A past I long to stay in,
Yet one I could not wait to leave,
Are only color-stained within photography.
Who is sheparding my thoughts?
Are you asleep on the job?
They're on a rampaging stampede,
Mindlessly trampling me underneath.
****** hoofprints drag bits of scattered matter into dusty wasteland,
Barren, dry, and with no end in sight.

Tapping those frozen, innocent smiles,
Adorning every "########" you've captured,
As if it could transmit back into me,
That youthful vitality.
Bitter tears and sour defeats,
For the worse, have changed me.
Without a place to stand,
How can I ever steady my feet?

Mangled soul who salivates at my misery,
Devour me whole,
Swallow up the mortal and the Soul.
No matter how vile the blood or rotten the flesh,
Savor the terror that slips down your throat,
And cherish the ecstasy of my fervent last breath.

The dam's going to break soon,
Already marred with cracks,
Salty drops welling up through the holes,
Staining the reservoirs below.
When the waves crash through,
No one's here to help me,
So it mustn't leave the room.

Distracting my mind is the only way to hide from it-
It's been too long since the corners have been dusted,
And the room's about to collapse.
Among the burning ruins,
The past knaws barbarically at my rotting flesh,
Falling from bones that shouldn't be as old as they are.

The ribs cage a cowering child,
Screaming and shouting
"I don't want to cry!"
Biting it's fingers to swallow attention from anything but pain.
"Please, God, take these burdensome feelings away!"
Merciful He granted my wish,
Perhaps to make me realize,
Just how foolish that was.

Have I ever written for myself?
Or has it always been to keep my brain in check?
There is no opportunity without dissonance-
Words respond to agony,
They ignore me at my best.
When everything finally goes right,
And it feels as though a future for me exists,
I find myself missing the feeling of a pen in my hand.

It's not the nauseating smell of ****,
That I wish to forget,
Or of perfume-drenched pillows,
Covering the fear that lingers in my eyes,
That fogged my head and whirled my stomach about.
Just like an ink stain that won't wash away,
Potent shade sloppily spreads across my hands,
Dying my furrowed brows in grey,
and mixing my Nights into Days.