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399 · Apr 2017
Not today
V Apr 2017
Let me be broken today
So I can recollect myself and be whole again tomorrow.
With regards to
Anjum Choudhary
397 · Jun 2017
i.
V Jun 2017
i.
A monster claws at the back of my mind...
And it's worse than those I've left behind.
397 · Sep 2020
Intimacy
V Sep 2020
Sure, *** is nice...
But when you haven't been touched in so long, *** isn't what you miss the most.
The pain of distance.
I miss your warmth, being held, your voice and security.
</3
394 · Feb 2019
Binge
V Feb 2019
Only then did I realize I was starving for something food could no longer satisfy.
Lately I have been battling Bulimia and this was just a random awareness I thought admist a declining health.
387 · Feb 2018
Confession
V Feb 2018
Tell me, Father...
Which do I ask forgivness for?
What I am, or what I am not?
Which should I regret?
What I became or what I didn't?
387 · Feb 2018
Faces
386 · May 2016
Lines
V May 2016
So little, so simple,
Yet they have so much meaning;
So minor, yet inside her,
Her consciousness is teeming.
With anger, with hatred,
For they treated her wrongly,
Her heartache, her heartbreak,
Her agonizing longing.

So much wrong for so long,
She almost wants to leave it,
Yet hope is beneath it,
She almost can't believe it.
That some form of hope lurks,
In something deep inside her,
A fire that rises,
In he who walks beside her.

She's holding on so fervently,
She's staying strong because she believes,
Discordant cacophonies,
Give way to perfect melodies.

Of her shame or her strength,
Are those lines indication?
For all of them are hollow,
Another step she's taken.
Yet somehow she's here now,
Still after all that pain,
So maybe she's saying,
"There is sunshine after rain".

She shivers but glimmers,
With some degree of life,
She knows she's not over,
And that is why she fights.

She's holding on so fervently,
She's staying strong because she believes,
Discordant cacophonies-
Give way to perfect melodies.
I am struggling to stay in this world, but I can only hope that by continuing it to help others and a deep love for humanity, that finds its way to give my most utmost warmest thoughts, empathy, compassion and faith.
Stay strong, and never ever give up.
<3
382 · May 2018
For Mom...
V May 2018
A nother day.
C arelessly we go about.
C RASH!
I can only remember so much,
D ismayed, we all started to cry.
E verone will be O.K." They rushed.
N ightmares that leave me awake,
T hanking God, we are all alive.
This poem isn't all that good, but recently we (my mom, me, and my aunt) were all involved in a car accident and I am still having trouble getting through this. We are all okay, but not without our own injuries, although my mom suffered the worst in breaking her back.
I started a GoFundMe account for her to help her in anyways I can, since I am going through guilt, and bad depression for seeing her this way.
The link to her page is here: https://www.gofundme.com/s9d4qv-daughter-needs-help

Any donation helps and I am only doing this to help her with the support she deserves most. To anyone/if anyone donates, God bless you and a huge "thank you" from my heart miles away.
375 · Dec 2017
Botanical
V Dec 2017
This life is but a garden bed,
The rain it comes and goes,
You can ***** yourself on all the thorns,
Or you can learn to love the rose.
373 · Jun 2019
Some days
V Jun 2019
Some days,
I do nothing but remember to breathe;
And some days,
That is enough.
...
Trying to hold on.
371 · Mar 2018
Agoraphobia
V Mar 2018
I live inside the shadows,
For there is comfort in being out of sight,
I fear you will see right through me,
If you hold me to the light.
Anxiety.
369 · Mar 2018
Mind Control
V Mar 2018
Allow someone to hold your mind for too long,
And he may just take your life.
Based upon personal experience with trauma and abuse since I was younger. I still struggle with things such a strange "Stockholm syndrome" and things I have yet to "deprogram" my mind from believing.

To those who have known physical or mental abuse or even both:
Acknowledgement in speaking up is your first step to freedom,
Do not be afraid to see what is beyond the cage.
369 · Jan 2019
Perception
V Jan 2019
It's difficult to remind yourself,
That you are not just a perception of what others make you,
But that you are more than that.

You are your laugh,
And all those times when you couldn't get up,
But found the strength within yourself to make it through.

Don't let others be the only source of reflection.
❤️
364 · Jun 2019
leniency
V Jun 2019
I am not the person I want to be yet.
But...
I am trying not to be too ******* the one I am now.
I have never been the person to give love to myself or put myself first.
Nor has it ever been me to love myself at all as much as I do the rest of the world.
Slowly, I am learning...
If not, co-existing into the home that is a body.
362 · Mar 2018
Too much
V Mar 2018
I am afraid to let you in, not because I am afraid of you hurting me,

But because I am scared of hurting myself, by loving you a little too much.
My personal torture of both a blessing and curse with BPD. I tend to have this overwhelming love for humanity and everyone I meet. I am genuinely a clingy person who struggles to let go or even need constant reassurance...
But at times it kills me that even the love I give and show, may never mean anything.
362 · Mar 2019
Grow
V Mar 2019
Stop trying to shrink into places that you have already outgrown.
360 · Sep 2017
Tired
V Sep 2017
They say, "Skies the limit."

But I can't even lift my feet.
I have no motivation anymore.
340 · Jan 2016
Kindred
V Jan 2016
Pain brings you together-
Happiness is what keeps you together.
339 · Dec 2017
B R (O.K) E N
V Dec 2017
My mother taught me neglect
And my father taught me fear,
It's not something you can just "forget",
The source of my paim seems clear;
It tastes like love but it is not ,
I am one who has forgot,
To know what home is like and can be called,
It feels so real but sadly-it's false.
Childhood Trauma
334 · Dec 2017
Colorblind
V Dec 2017
Depression is being colorblind,
and constantly told how colorful the world is.
.
.
.
:(
333 · Apr 2018
Illuminate
V Apr 2018
Stars don't die quietly,
They paint the darkness with color.
Thoughts at 2 AM
332 · Jul 2018
Chronic
V Jul 2018
A man asked me why I was more afraid of people than I was a hopsital.

With a heavy, yet numb heart, I replied:

"I have had more IVs than I ever had hugs."
Simple late night vent.
Dealing with multiple chronic illnesses my whole life has left me with such a severe depression, sometimes I wish I could die than live like this.
In the passed month, I had been in E.Rs 9 times and admitted as well. As much as you'd think I would be relieved in the end I have treatment, and found a diagnosis after this years start of flare ups, infections, etc...
I wish at times I would just go to sleep and never wake up.
I am not someone who was ever strong against even the most simplest of pain, held strong in times when something came up, and I have severe anxiety about my health even if it is a small cough, every moment is watching the clock, pill bottles and appointments.

I know others have it worse out there, and I know there is hope...
But in moments like now, I see nothing more than pain the rest of my life and being a failure to every single person around me.

To those of you out there who know or deal with something like this...
I am so truly sorry.
Things like this, I would wish on NO ONE, not even the Devil himself.
I wish-as taken for granted as people are towards health and what they can have-
I would give anything to cure your soul than mine.

(Sorry to rant. It's late, I am trying to keep "dark thoughts" at bay.)

God bless everyone of you, and to good health may you always find.
328 · May 2019
Recovery
V May 2019
May the pains that you carry, be as heavy as the crown that will be placed upon your head.
Recovery is always worth it.
Successes, big or small, will always be crowned in the end.
Never give up.

If you have a hard time believing you can do it, I will believe all of it for you. <3
You aren't alone, your strengths have given me my own. :)
327 · Apr 2018
Thoughts from an introvert.
V Apr 2018
The deeper inward you go, the more you expand into infinity. Eventually, you become one with all of existence.
Late night thoughts.
323 · Apr 2018
Aura
V Apr 2018
Be careful how you share your light,
The glow can attract bugs that bite.
320 · Nov 2020
Typo
V Nov 2020
Him: "What's wrong?"
Me: "Nothing".
Him: "Please tell me..."
Me: "I am just afraid....you might leave. It haunts me and I cannot control it."
Him: "I promise I would never do that to you. I love you. "
Me: "...promise?"
Him: "Yes, I promise. "


Forgive me...
I spelled "Ex" wrong.
💔

An old entry in a journal I had years ago, figured I would post...
Simple and nothing special, rather basic honestly, but reflecting back, it hit something deep.
316 · May 2019
Awake
V May 2019
Real eyes,
Realize.
Not sure what this is. Lol
315 · Feb 2018
Vacation
V Feb 2018
I wanted to be your home,
but you were a guest;
You departed and arrived as you pleased,
and left making a vacation out of me.
</3
313 · Mar 2018
Fortitude
V Mar 2018
Strength.
Someone who carries darkness,
Yet, somehow is still a light.
To anyone who needs it,
A hug, because I mean it with all my heart.


From one surviving soul to another.
313 · Dec 2017
Desire
V Dec 2017
Truly and intense desire starts in the mind,
Not in the touch of a hand.
312 · Dec 2018
Colors
V Dec 2018
If someone shows you their true colors, don't try to repaint them.
312 · Sep 2020
Betrayal
V Sep 2020
The worst part about betrayal, is that it never comes from an enemy.
...

Wasn't sure how else to word this better, it just came from a painful place.
312 · Jun 2018
Soul
V Jun 2018
Be a window
Or
A curtain
The choice is yours.
310 · Apr 2018
Cosmetic
V Apr 2018
The only true cosmetic secret to ultimate beauty is this-
.
.
.
Happiness.
Based upon my love for people and seeing someone smile. <3
308 · Apr 2018
Moondust
V Apr 2018
I am the moon.
I may not burn as bright as the sun-
But I glimmer enough to shed light on the things that crave to be seen in utter darkness.
307 · Feb 2018
Stars
V Feb 2018
Shooting stars exist to remind us that not everything that falls, is broken.*

306 · Jun 2018
Moth
V Jun 2018
Everything my heart desires is either too far for my arms to reach or too hot for my fingers to touch;
But like a moth to a flame, I move towards it even as it consumes me.
305 · May 2019
Alien
V May 2019
I feel like an invader in my skin,
Show me,
Help me,
To own it once again.
Been more and dissociative lately,
I hate the feeling of being able to look into a mirror, and not see yourself,
Or never feel at home inside your own skin.
302 · Feb 2018
2:40 AM
V Feb 2018
I don't remember when
admist a howling crowd,
my eyes started
s
  e
     a
         r    
             c
               h
             i
          n  
       g

for your face to bring me silence.
Late night thoughts.

(Sorry for the spam.)
299 · Apr 2019
PTSD
V Apr 2019
Pain
That
Sends
Despair
Those moments in the middle of the night that come rushing back, warping reality...
Those will be my downfall.
297 · Mar 2019
Listen
V Mar 2019
Only those who truly care about you, will hear you when you are quiet.
:)
297 · Aug 2017
Vigilant
V Aug 2017
Walls have ears,
Doors have eyes,
Trees have voices,
Beasts tell lies;
Beware the rain,
Beware the snow,
And beware the man you think you know.
I don't know whether my illness is a blessing or a curse...
R.I.P
295 · Mar 2018
Odium
V Mar 2018
Disgust,
Mistrust,
It was never love, only lust.
From past experience.
292 · Jun 2019
Cigarettes
V Jun 2019
Don't let people treat you like a cigarette, who only use you when they're bored and step on you when they're done.
288 · Mar 2018
Dog eat dog world
V Mar 2018
Don't ever think you are alone here,
We've all been trapped in different hells,
And people aren't against you Dear,
They're just all for themselves.
288 · Feb 2019
Travel
V Feb 2019
Truth is, life is full of thunderstorms.
And we're all driving as fast as we can to escape the dark clouds overhead.
But every now and then, we pass under a bridge.
And for that split second,
There's quiet...
There's tranquility...
There's peace.
And in that brief moment, we forget the rain.
281 · Apr 2018
Thoughts
V Apr 2018
My lungs are full of glass,
My skin is paper mache,
My eyes are withered and rusted,
Like an old forgotten machine.

My brain is lost at sea,
And it's been years without you,
But somehow, somehow,
You can still see me.
279 · Jul 2020
Ignorance
V Jul 2020
It is not free speech if your words keep people imprisoned.
So tired of 2020 already...
274 · Sep 2020
Evolve
V Sep 2020
We didn't chose to admit that we were broken.

However, you can chose to admit if you are defeated.
For anyone out there who has suffered trauma of any magnitude.
Stay strong, courageous, growing and the remarkable person you are.
Your past does not control you, there is a reason it remains only in memory.
Keep fighting, I will always believe in you as you have me.
🖤


As you perceive the world, so it is.
Percieve it above your pain.
Keep the crown upon your head.
270 · May 2019
Riptide
V May 2019
I'm wrestling with a thousand voices inside.
The stillness of water that I so deeply loved,
has become a riptide.
</3
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