I feel like I'm being sabotaged by everything in my life
My Friends
My School
My Life
My Mind
It's all being pulled apart
ripped open
torn into a million pieces
There's nothing I can do
There's nothing I can say
To change it
I've convinced myself
I'm the victim
But am I?
Have I done this to myself
Have I made my grave
and now I'm lying in it
Have I turned everyone against myself?
Every villain feels like the victim
and they change it
They don't let people walk over them
Talk over them
Beat them down
They stand up for themselves
They stand up against what is expected of them
So do I die a hero
Or live long enough to become the villain

I can't do it anymore
I can't stay in a home
where I'm not
wanted
included
welcomed
I cannot live with people who are
mean
hypocrites
argumentative
I cannot stand the
***** looks
eye-rolls
avoidance
I cannot be where I am not happy
I can't stay
So I will leave

I see the older generations say
“I miss the good ole days”
“I miss the America I grew up in”
Do they fail to realize that their generation did this?
Their generation ruined the economy
Their generation poisoned the earth
Their generation drained the Earth of her resources
Their generation segregated people of color
Their generation disowns their children for being gay
Their generation is full of hate
But go on, please,
tell me how my generation is ruining the world.
My generation who is chanting Black Lives Mater
My generation who is trying to reduce their plastic usage
My generation who is fighting for LGBT+ rights
My generation who is fighting for women to have the right to their body
My generation who is still in school
My generation who is mentally unstable
But still is trying to make things right.
My generation is doing the things their generation failed to.
Their generation had their time, and they failed their children
Their grandchildren
So now it’s time for a new generation
My generation

I’m lonely but I make myself that way
I want to be loved, but I drive them all away

It happened
I thought it was over
I thought it wouldn’t happen again
But it did
I thought she would never do this
She was with me when it happened the first time
The second time
The third
She watched me cry
She stuck by me
She was the one who helped me feel better
And now she’s the fourth

What am I doing?
Am I doing the right thing?
Should I focus on my education
Or should I focus on my friends?
Should I focus on her
Or me
Or school
What did I do?
I submitted the application.
I am applying to leave next year.
Am I insane?
Am I doing what’s right?
Will I ever know what’s right?

I just want to be in love
Is that so much to ask for?
I just want someone who loves me
who thinks I'm funny, even when I'm not
who thinks I'm pretty, even when I'm a mess
who thinks I'm everything they could ever want
I want to be someone's everything
I want someone who smiles when I message them
who gets excited about seeing me
who makes an effort to see me just because
who can't keep their eyes off of me
who sneaks glances at me when they shouldn't
who can't get me off of their mind
I want someone who loves my little quirks
how I tap my nose when I want to remember something
how I play with my jewelry when I get nervous or uncomfortable
how I can't sit still so I play with my hands
how I curl up under blankets during thunderstorms
I don't want to have to force it
I want it to be real
It has to be real
I just want to be in love