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 Feb 2021 atticus wilson
Ayesha
The morning is mine
when people are asleep
Sun and I talk
Birds say their greetings
when passing by
I wash oils off my face
scrub the night off my teeth
I open the windows
—the war rages on

I boil milk and blend in
some coffee
she runs down my throat
burning and waking all
of my snoring folks
Sloshing, she plays in
my arid stomach
—the war rages on

I put on some music
Arabic flutes and gentle drums
and open my books
I read a passage,
then read again
—the war rages on

I reread the passage
What are they saying, I
write it down,
I rewrite, then cut
—the war rages on

—the war rages on
I could scream or tear
apart this book, break this
cup where an abyss now sleeps
jump off, I could.
oh, dear vultures, I could run
away, away, away, and
wither on the way. Oh wither!
but I hide under sheets
and wait for sleep to come

Mercifully, she does.
she always does and I
will wake up and gulp some coffee
and reopen the book
reread the passage, reread
rewrite, rewrite, cut
—and the war will rage on.
tired—
 Feb 2021 atticus wilson
FreeMind
You expect me to tell you that I love you back but I'm tired of lying
February 12, 2021
#141
the ashtray was looking more
and more
like a sick hedgehog
  
and her yellowed fingers
added one more quill to it
  
she sat back in her chair
  
work wasn't in the best of stages lately and
her office looked like a ******'s
trailer. You could
scrape the nicotine
off the walls. In fact, she
would get nicotine under her nails if she
just scratched her skin
anywhere
  
But otherwise she was
a beauty
and that was a problem. Beautiful
women have the worst
luck in marriages
  
The husband left and the two girls went
with him
They were sick and tired of her
habit to consume more cigarette smoke than
oxygen
  
And drinking was also a problem
though not nearly
as big
  
The worst drinking has ever done to her
was to make her lose
the driving license which she never
bothered to take back
  
The real problem was,
as always,
a lack of money. If the **** phone didn't
ring soon
she would have to **** someone
for a pack of cigarettes
  
Assuming she could still
****
someone with her body rotting from the
inside. She was fine with
breast cancer
but now lung cancer joined too
and it was by far nastier
  
Still
that was all right
It doesn't take a healthy body to pull
a trigger
  
And speaking of triggers
She opened a drawer in her desk
took out the gun
studied it
  
Not loaded
  
She browsed through the drawer
  
Only one bullet left. One single bullet.
These things cost money
too
  
**** it
  
But it's like they said back in
the mercenary camp
The last bullet is always preserved to be
used on the self
  
She loaded the bullet into the
gun
  
A life lived well is one
lived without regrets and without
ever asking for mercy
or feeling sorry for yourself
  
At 39
she had that. There was nothing
else to be taken
away from it
  
She put the gun to her
temple
  
Smiled
  
"Except for a final smoke."
https://bogdandragos.com/2021/02/08/the-female-assassin/
 Feb 2021 atticus wilson
Atlas
all the city lights combined
would only be half
as bright as you

 Jan 2021 atticus wilson
Ayesha
Tell you a secret
I’m going to meet the crescent tonight
He followed me around
As I ran though the woods behind my house
a denim bag bouncing on my back
Behind the coal-coated trees, he hid
and emerged only when I begged
—Where do you go, he asked.

away— away from it all.
I locked myself in the basement
Left her nothing to live for
I’ll be far when her stinking body is found
asked the wolves for a ride
We are to meet by the arid hill
Go now—banish like you always do
I do not wish to be seen by a light
So he crawled behind a placid cloud
And I was off again

Ran till eerie voices begin their waltz
—and coward of this heart yelled for him again.
We talked till the dawn
And I walked back to the sick brick cottage
unlocked myself, I wiped her stained cheeks clean,
—apologised
And she was out again—
for yet another day with the world
her mysterious lover

now I am to wait by the window
Where a caravan of dark will pick me up
And carry the light of me
away— away from it all
up; up into the deepening sky.
and he has promised me a circus of stars
We’ll sit at the shore of night
—dream of horizons undreamt

and he has promised me a swim
we’ll plunge into the sun-kissed waters
and watch galaxies collapse into each other
—eternities and breaths away
explosions, explosions and explosions
voiceless—voiceless— voiceless
Remnants of wars between stars
memories of folks who withered
centuries ago—

Then I’ll come back to myself
At waking of the light
disband into the scattering crowd
—confetti.
and in return for his favour
I am to live with myself
till death comes to lift the day away.
She loves the world, and I, the moon.
sometimes I accompany her out there; she never accompanies me.
 Jan 2021 atticus wilson
Ayesha
“Where is the assignment?”

You ask a question the philosophers have argued over

“Didn’t do it, sir.”
“Why?

Because..because…
Where do I even begin—
I usually begin with stories
They fly in through the window, peck at me
Until I emerge out of my cotton caverns
Today, they brought along a fox, orange like melting sun
She hid under my bed and didn’t crawl out until
I sacrificed to her some of my food
had travelled villages and trees in search of her child
Streams and bridges and bushes, she had asked

told me of a little, blind boy with a ***** sack
He wandered about streets, and parks
Every turn memorised over years— every fortunate bin.
His scarred hands searching for softness— of
half-eaten fruits and soggy breads— of cloths.
Dry papers, he collected and sold to people unseen
He slept on the grass, sang songs and gave her food
Then one day she waited but he never came
Then one more, and one more, then—

But you don’t want a story, do you?
right.
Uses of crystalline solids.

“I’m sorry.”
“Were you sick?”

Sick?
Yes, I was sick. But not like that girl, over there,
With a runny nose and funny coughs
I was sick with strange blisters just
under my skin.
they itched and burned, and I could not calm them down
Instead I winced. I curled up like an injured worm
And when the doctor asked me where it hurt
I said nowhere
I said there was a campfire inside me
I said the fish hanging over it had turned to coal
wild-grass soup was spilling out the ***— it’s hisses in flames
I said the people had fought themselves to deaths
And now the fire was alone, and the camps too
And the mother fish calling for her son
And the moon,
And the bodies—

But he said it was just my brain talking

“No.”
“Did you have to go somewhere?’

I did. Past the raging seas, beyond all mighty peaks, I followed a jolly fairy to the hidden garden where all dead flowers go.

“No, sir.”
“Any guests?”

A guest, I did.
But I didn’t invite him. I don’t even know his name.
He banged in through my locked door
A hazy grey shadow with two horns, four fangs and many claws
He ate nicely and didn’t judge my dying plants
He made a blanket fort out of my unfolded clothes,
we had a tea-party,
I painted his claws pink, braided his fur
he crafted me a paper-sword
And we duelled till our weapons creased and sun stopped burning
Then we sang together in our husky voices
And I’d tell you more but I swore
to protect him.

“No, sir. I did not.”
“Then where’s the assignment?”
“I forgot.”

I didn’t forget. I sat down to write but my brain
started talking. It talked and talked
and didn’t cease. Not until I hid back in my caves
and walked away from the night.

“I’ll give it tomorrow.”

Uuh...

“You sure?”

You ask a question the philosophers have—

“Yes, sir. sure. I’ll give it tomorrow.”

Bless tomorrow.
He has walked away, girl. You can breathe now.
 Jan 2021 atticus wilson
Lexie
It seems today is the first day
My mind is born into this body
 Jan 2021 atticus wilson
Atlas
with each page turn,
I wonder if it is me you love
or the book itself
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