i wanted to jump
from my bones
and disperse
in the wind
like dandelion
seed heads.
to be free
and light as air.

can still feel his breath
on the back of my neck
humid, unwanted, as

The look in his starving eyes
glazed over
with feral lust,
fingers gripping
My hips
leaving bruises
shaped like his desire.

Now, when I walk past that office,
just off the corner
In the DLZ
where he took me
apart
piece by piece,

I can feel the hastiness
in his fingers
as he tears my *******
in his eagerness
to satisfy himself.

I should have
said something,
but I didn’t
and now
we are here.

I feel phantom hands
Touch my skin
I try so hard to remind myself
No one is there
But in an empty room
I fear for my body

What is purgatory but to meet no place
That calls you beloved
To find no earth
With arms that embrace you to swim
Only in rushing waters
So you never rest beneath the sun
Where do you go when each floor of the house you built is on fire
And the cold hearted circle you
Bullets loaded in their mouths demanding that you go
Back to where you came from
It’s true.
We were never welcome here
Those of us that are instead walking toward
A justice that cannot be erased
One that cannot be sold back to us

If I think about my past too long, my mind unravels.

Lately I've been sick of living and
Nobody knows how I'm really feeling
I always hated a smile,
but this keyboard is killing me, hidden inside
I didn't sign up to be the hero
but I don't want to wind up a villain
I told my mom I loved her
then attempted to **** myself in the kitchen
Yeah, I should've screamed, but nobody listened
So I passed out with the blood dripping
I wish I wasn’t in this prison
Me and death keep tongue-kissing
Why don't you throw me in the flames?

Tomorrow is his birthday,
April 29th, 1968
Something that I shall never forget.
I don’t know how to feel.
Should I cry?
Scream?
Yell?
Or should I stay silent
Let the disappointment
Wash over me
That he is still alive?
Maybe that makes me a monster
But if I had a choice
I would want him dead for what he did to me.