.

I was pushed over
the edge

I fell heart first
into the water;
with my eyes closed  
my arms outstretched

I chest flopped
onto the surface
broken by the water
drowning in feelings

Drying out-
crying in
Looking to the sun
for healing

I remember broken windows,
cupboard doors hanging off hinges and
kitchen draws that did not close properly.

I remember the lock on the bathroom door
was one of the few things that did work in our house. And
how the back of the lock was blunted
by butter knives trying to open it from the outside.

In the mornings, the living room curtains remained closed.
Sun begged to shine in but was blocked out
locked out. Lost keys were a frequent problem

I remember sister coming home from West End raving,
blasting house'n'garage out of charity shop speakers
she had saved up for. How she would walk in at dawn
bass lines vibrate me out of sleep and I sit up
on squeaking bunk bed, sleep glued eyes
while she tries to explain what that high feels like

I was nine years old. I liked to fix things.
I remember 9 o'clock starts at school meaning nothing
****** daytime TV; I mostly watched Big Break and Count Down.
I remember the silver hanger,
I twisted and fitted into the back of the TV
so it played pixels that painted pictures rather than
a screen of white noise.

I remember the shouting
that deep dark thick rouge that stained
the glass table. The depression.

I remember sitting on my window sill looking down
at the people off to work whilst we stay in. Doors.

Curtains drawn
mum laying on the sofa
Dead to us.

Spiralling into decline
as we try to climb,
but we’re destroying everything we touch
Blanketing realities so everything's heating up
of the lies and twisted truths I’ve had enough
I can’t take the fake face
I want to rub the make up off and see the naked proof
Can you tell me the truth
can you tell me how you feel?

Tell me how you feel when they tell you we’re destroying our mother
we’ve known it for years but only now they want to stop us
And even that’s a lie
numerous companies will continue to profit
while still increasing the footprint
Meanwhile we’re all panicking
fear factors rocketing,
And I feel there nothing I can do but wait

and watch
Watch and         wait
Wait and watch           watch
Watch and                                wait.

I’m tryna create a safe place for my children
I’m tryna escape the way the world seems to be turning
And spin it back to the days of vinyl scratching
I’m taking it before microphones
before people were playing music on gramophones

Yeah, way back before that
I’m talking animal skins,
stretched over things
to create rhythms
with people dancing
And tribal chanting
When we were in harmony with all around us
before mans greed drowned us
before everything around us started dying

We’re spiralling into decline
Its like no body wants to climb
they're are happy to live blind and leave behind
A mess for their children to undress
I’m not impressed with my ancestry

I can’t express feelings in my chest of misery
We can’t neglect the state of our home
We must respect our globe
We best correct our woe
Our children trust we will protect them

How dare we disrespect them like this?
Leave them to pick up the pieces
like there’s nothing we can do but watch and

wait
                 wait and watch
watch,              watch and          wait

Wait for what?

A lion,
born in a western world
caged and tamed to follow a system
History of its ancestry runs deep in its veins
Pain drained and forgotten,
for aspiring to fame to escape from the bottom
got caught in the game

And the path to fame was floppin’
Started shottin’, plottin’ schemes for currency
To fulfil its dreams of living free
But obstacles arise,
disguised as necessities
time consuming tasks that mask the truth

Bill bills money power
No time to stop sinking deeper every hour
Bills bills money power
No time to stop

..And appreciate nature, flowers,
Bills bills money power
Bills bills money power, power,

Power is suttin they’ll never have
cause powers that be, mediate a mentality
that’s blind and cant see
Busy concentrating,
contemplating 'bout money when
energy should be spent on education,

cause knowledge is power,
And power is creation
Innovation of new and, wonderful things,
And, some do wonderful things

But this lion, inside is crying
Was hard as iron, but finds he’s dying,
Spending time on petty crimes,
Chooses to sit at the back of the bus,
And cuss his friend with the word

******

Talkin’ bout gun trigger,
For fun I figure its dumb,
But makes sense,
When he’s watching 50 Cent talk nonsense.

I didn't want
to wash you off
my fingers or my lips

but showering
in flashbacks
of last night
was bliss

Staring
right through the flame
straight past the light and warmth
without noticing the burning;
feeling