Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Liana 2d
Me
I am so much
I am too much
Too much everything
Clingy
Intense
Quiet
Loud
And I’m simultaneously somehow
Still not enough
Even though I just had a good time with a friend, I still feel like ****. I don’t understand why I’m like this. I hate myself.
Liana 2d
And as soon as the door closes
I collapse on the floor
Gasping for air
What is wrong with me?
And I had a good time too so I don't get it
Liana 3d
Isolation contaminates my entire being until I'm nothing but a smelly lump underneath blankets trying to hide from scary thoughts

But somehow I'm already there and it still eats me
I haven't left my house in too long. I haven't spoken face to face with another human being in ages. I think I'm going crazy.
Liana 5d
The dangerous thing for me is that I would die and excruciating death a thousand times just to make them smile once
And then I'll apologize if my screams from getting burned alive disrupted their sleep
The ones I love and care about
Liana 5d
I want to be skinned alive
Until I'm just a floating soul
bouncing around in the air
I want it all gone
The scars remind me
I'm not nearly enough strong

Loud thoughts spread
Like a virus in my mind
Spreading
Spreading
To every shred of my being
Telling me I deserve to bleed
I deserve to die
What the **** is wrong with me
Why
Why
Why

"A rising star" said the certificate of honor
I guess they were right
Stars are meant to burn
Until they explode
After all

And maybe I'm just being dramatic
Like my dad always said
Maybe it is just in my head

I know others have it worse than me
I know I can be quite annoying
Quite needy
I just love so deeply
Everything I do
Is done that way
It reminds me of when I had the knife
The blood pouring signed that I had done that deeply too
In a drawer in my bedroom is a bloodstained cloth that screams the same thing
So loudly

I'm not usually loud
I'm the kid so doesn't talk that much at school
The one who just takes the rage out in the form of doodles on the back of papers with dull pencils during class
And with sharp objects at night

"They aren't answering, they hate you"
"You're not talking enough"
"You're talking too much"
"They're definitely mad at you"
My head monster, Fred, shouts
So loud
So loud
So loud
I hate loud
I hate me

I try to reason with him
Tell him everything he's thinking is a lie
But despite it he just continues
"Die
Die
Die"

And so I hold the razor
"Bleed
Bleed
Bleed"
He continues

And I wish I knew
What I did
To deserve this
I just kept coming back to SH, bc that's been taking up so much of my head recently. As you can see, I'm mentally well!
Liana 6d
the clock ticks forward
you think it's too fast
you want to slow it down
somehow make it last

Your voice wants to be heard
To be more than just air to no avail
Because it speaks truth
It is beautiful

sometimes you swallow your words
you forget to be loud
but your optimism shines through
even the darkest cloud

It makes people realize
That maybe
They're not the only ones

Make them look to the left and see you
Struggling too
Living
And laughing and crying

Those words are more than air
Because air can't possibly feel this much like a hug
Like the feeling when you finally find a tree
And you just embrace it

You're that tree Elena
Like the one from your poem
It was swaying in the wind
Letting life move it beautifully

You reach up like the tree too
And you dare to say that there is a way
Always

And are trees just gray?
No
They are so beautiful
And their colors are so vibrant and beautiful and poetry

you are a burst of color
amidst clouds of gray
your words bring joy
to people every day

You are not just gray, Elena, like you said
I think they're right there, always
Even if they're hard to spot
They appear at every smile you make possible
And every beautiful word you write

you give your advice
to people you don't know
you brighten their days
but forget to go slow

But it isn't your responsibility, dear
You don't always have to be the tree for everyone
Eventually it gets claustrophobic when there are so many things
That you don't get sunlight for yourself

you are an amazing soul
with a wondrous light
when life kicks you down
you put up a fight

dearest girl,
You deserve it
You deserve all of it
The sun
And rich soil
The love
The warmth of the hug
And a break from it

You deserve it all
A collaboration by me and Lyle for the colorful, beautiful, tree-like Elena. We love you!
Liana 6d
I broke a glass
It fell on the floor
Shattered into little pieces
Scattered everywhere
I said sorry to it
But the glass is still broken
Hmm
Interesting

I step on the floor
Got a piece of the glass in my foot
Throbbing pain
I said sorry it
But my foot sill bled
So odd

Dad,
One apology isn't enough
I'm still broken and bleeding

Maybe take out some super glue
It might improve my condition a little
But I will never truly be the same
He said sorry for being weak around me. Honestly the apology was ******, but even if it wasn't, it's too late. But genuinely I did just break a glass so I'm going to contemplate whether I'll leave it there or clean it now.
Next page