I can't write poetry.

i remember when i met you for the very first time
and i thought i was going to cry
because you were so beautiful and you. weren't. mine.
and i had to go along pretending everything was fine
and i had to go along acting like it was okay
that you weren't mine and
i remember kissing your cheek and wishing it was your lips...
and i remember how it nearly was when my mouth slipped
and i remember how tall you were compared to me
and the way your mouth curled up whenever you looked at me
and i remember how we had a chemistry that he couldn't dream
of making with every element in the world
and how i just wanted to be your girl
i remember when you and i first hung out alone
and how it was to hear your voice outside of the phone
and i remember how it was to breathe you in
and how
i never wanted to be alone again

Yesterday,
Well I can't remember yesterday.
I was told I overdosed on sleeping medicine.
I was sick,
in the head.
I hate that I never feel "normal".
I just don't know how,
I need help.
I know she won't care so I will just bottle it up inside,
like I always do...

I'm empty.
I need something to fill me up.
Alcohol sounds good, but I don't want to be what my father once was.
A drunk.
Used to be.
One who drinks like there's no tomorrow.
Addicted?
Yes.
Still addicted?
No.

Darling,
please
kiss me
on my scars
it's been a long
and cold day
of war
and all
I want
is something
warm and soft
against my skin
because healing
is a slow process.

Razors pain you
Rivers are damp,
Acid stains you
Drugs make you cramp
Guns aren't lawful
and nooses give
gas smells awful
...you might as well live

I don't quite remember where
I heard this little rhyme before
but it has kept me from doing a lot of things

all the videos on YouTube with there promises
"IT GETS BETTER"
the words circulate the world
through the copper chords
that connects us all

the shrinks and the doctors
and the counsellors and priests
with all there powerful words
...words that empower you for a while but
sadly fades to the back of your mind as
tears fill your eyes

and someday, with the instrument of death
at your fingertips..
you realise that all these words and revalations are all just empty lies
empty little lies
empty little lies
empty little lies
empty little lies
empty little lies
empty little lies
empty little lies

one for each day of the week
one for the strong
and one for the weak
one for the man with riches and fame
one for the woman in filth doth have lain
one for a smile that should not exist
and lastly one...
for those who insist
that nothing matters
and nothing will change
tomorrow brings tears
yesterday created fears
this problem has no solution
my soul is lost amidst confusion
I don't believe the lies no more
but I won't answer the truth, knocking at my door
I choose to end not my life
but the potential I have
the beauty
the radiance
the hope I might bring to the hopeless
the health to the sickness
the laughter to the tearful
the protection to the fearful

I choose not to end my life
because I believe that my path is set
not for the benefit of myself...

we have no happiness on our path
we must create it...
find it in giving that which we do NOT have
to the ones we do not love

this is our curse...
and don't say it's not fair
because life is not fair !!
because Angels and Saints
...which we seem to be the chosen of...
rarely gain fame while living
or being happy,
or loved

no... we are the angels
we will only be recognised as soon as we lay our heads down
and all the bricks we have laid in this world
start to radiate with our legacy!!

Be strong, for sprouting feathers is a painful process
Be heard, for the voice of justice has been silenced to long
and be proud...

...simply...

because you are

I've tried to change so many times...
Please just let me be happy for once in my life...

No
One
Ever
Likes
Me
As
Much
As
I
Like
Them
And
That's
It