he reaches his hands out and picks me up,
"do you hate me?" he questions, trying to wipe my tears away before i retreat.
"i don't not love you" i say after moments of silence.
his head drops.
i leave our house, only returning when i am sure he is not there.
a month later i still have not spoken to him,
but back we go.
for more heartbreaks and lies.
it's finally over,
i can leave this house,
and find a place to call home.
and it will be home,
even without him.

days blend together,
and suddenly,
my life becomes a scramble of moments,
rather than a sequence of events.

no matter how much i need him,
i must not pick up the phone.

for tomorrow,
i will regret it.

when the sun rises,
all will be okay.

true love,
is supposed to last.

he said that he did not love her.
but i know that he does.

that's why we ran back so quickly,
although i walked slowly behind the others.

his lies don't fool me,
i know about her.

he must think i am clueless,
for he still believes i'm okay.

i wonder if he believes i will enter his new life.
i won't even look into his face.

this smile i have could fool the world,
and i'm glad it fools him too.

for without it,
he would be too ashamed to stay in this house.

homes are for people who love,
houses are for ones who pretend they're okay.

my family lives in a house,
that will never be a home.

people who really love,
do not turn away.

they think,
before being overcome.

i may have popped into his head,
while he "shopped"

but only for a second,
until he chose what was most important.

himself.

i don't think i have ever said sorry,
or looked at him since then.
it remains a secret to the world,
i forget sometimes too.
until his face appears,
or hers.
and something in my heart hurts,
so much that i swallow my words
and look away.
nobody can understand what it was.
dumb love, people say
among teenagers.
but dumb love doesn't last years,
but can be counted in days.
my heart still hurts

as i turn the corner,
i draw in a deep breath.
it smells like something good will happen.
the way the light hits the floor,
and the emptiness of the quiet hall.
something good is coming.

i always try to think of someone.
one without a flaw,
one without a secret,
one without pain.
but no matter how far you look,
there will always be flaws and secrets and pain.

i want to know everyone's story.
i want to know why their parents got divorced,
why they wear that necklace around their neck,
or how their husband died.

flaws, secrets and pain, are things that like to hide,
behind our bold, confident selves,
because the pressure of society is too scary.

people need to love their flaws,
and tell their secrets,
and show their pain.

because flaws and secrets and pain should not be hidden.
these things make us human.
we are becoming less and less human as we wear masks to hide who we are.

don't dye your hair,
it's okay that you made a mistake,
and cry when you need to,
for those are the things,
that remind us we are only human.