I feel myself slipping back into what I once relied on, observing the pigment of crimson forming upon my wrist, slowly moving its way to my palm and to the cracks between my fingers. The exhilarating feeling it brings, the sense of comfort for that mere moment where you feel as if the life has come back to you and you are no longer a reflection in the mirror.. In that moment you're not a figment of imagination in someone else's cruel world. Yet it becomes an addiction few understand, it is not to gain the attention of another but in fact a proclamation of sheer freedom from fighting your inner demons for just another day.

Mutilation begins to take over
Of this fragile soul.
Definitions of a complicated destructive
Inner being,
Unraveling home truths that have been
Brewing with no analyzation or understanding
Of them,
Weakness soon starts to over power and a break
Down is just around the corner.

How do you define love?
Can you define it within the way you could stare at her for hours without a single word being said.
Can you define it within that gorgeous smile she has when she looks at you?
Can you define it when you can make her giggle at the silly little things you do?
Can you define it within the sound of her laughter?
Can you define it within the tremor of her voice when she's missing you?
Can you define it in the way she gets annoyed at you but still looks at you with so much passion?
Can you define it by saying,that she is every reason,every hope and every dream that you have had,by finding all that in her alone?
You can not truly define love unless it's the only thing you feel towards her no matter the circumstances. I can define it,through the simplicity of her being in every thought,every woken moment and even present in slumber. She is the reason! My reason for the definition of love!

You play the Dupe so well, I must admit you played your part brilliantly.
You infantile person, you played a heart that loved you proficiently .
How could you have ever expected me to trust you again when from the beginning you were perfidious to me. Through that I become this bitter heartless entity that you had created.
Yet still you play the dupe and put me at fault for how you began to feel after you had left.

My life is coming to a Holt,
I feel the pain beneath my leathered
Skin grow stronger,
Pounding and shredding from within.
Tried so hard to shove it aside,
Yet, it appears, faster than it should.

I lay in bed, knowing full well that,
I am alone, yet I feel so insecure about my
Surroundings.
Shadows creeping upon my wall,
Haunted thoughts running through this
Shallow hall.
Feeling every word that has been put down
On paper,
Somehow releasing the enemy within this
Warped dimension.
Bracing myself for the truthful answers
Behind each suffocating question.

Running deep within is the urge,
To assassinate,
All the possibilities of a domesticated fate.
Due to the fire in your heart beginning to
Burn out,
As you keep living life in the fear of doubt.

You run & try hide, but with yourself you
Can't confide,
Protected territory now exposed to all,
You can no longer rely on that so called
Brick wall.

So vulnerable,
No longer able to express your own
individuality, now all that you've
Become is another victimized clone
Of this cruel society.

It was never easy to let you go, but I knew I had to eventually no matter how rapidly the pain would grow within my chest.
Months have passed and still I try my best, my best to rid you from my thoughts and memories, sadly my dreams have become my Arch nemesis.
You are there, whether in slumber or my woken moments you are always there.
Sometimes it's even hard to bare.

The day you left was the day a part of me had died, but who would have thought that down the line
a part of me that had been gone for so long would resurface and bring out the best in me.
You were a blessing in disguise but you were also a lesson I needed, to find myself once again.

You only get to meet her once,her being the kiss of death.
In my case she's kissed me more than once, whether by fate or not, her poison did not put me in slumber for eternity,her kisses only devour me with endless pain, suffering and has me constantly clawing at my skin. I feel it, knocking at every possible point from within.

Every now and then I find myself still mesmerized by your beauty both inside and out, I even begin to question what that's all about. I've come to realize that I still want you, be it in the most innocent of ways to the most intimate, I still want you without a doubt. Sometimes the feelings are a little overbearing, my chest starts to ache and your words cut deeper than any other before, but no matter how unbearable the hurt I've endured, my final thought is always, I want you without a doubt, with all your perfect imperfections, with your spontaneous quirks, with all the things that I've come to learn, that actually weren't an irritation, they have become the things I miss the most. The way you'd stand behind me and put your arms over my shoulder while I was busy with something, the way we'd lay in bed and you'd start playing with my fingers, I even miss you laying my pillows flat just after I had got them right. I hate the fact that there's no more tug of war for the blanket at night, I even hate that I said there was your side and mine, because now there isn't even a side at all, there's just an empty bed I avoid. Every day I couldn't wait for the day to end, because I knew I was able to see you and on the way home to you I'd be overjoyed, just to see your smile, to give you a hug and rest my head against your shoulder inhaling your scent. How that scent has stayed, how the image of you has imprinted itself like a photo in my head, I never want it to fade because no matter how hard you try to push me away..

I will still want you without a doubt.