If you've ever wondered
what it'd be like
to be touched by an angel,
you need only touch yourself

Today is the 5 year anniversary of sharing my poems publicly. 358,126 views on 510 poems. I asked chat gpt to tell me how big that number is, and it said it's roughly the population of a mid-sized city like Kansas city or Atlanta Georgia. Thanks for all the support along the way. Thank you to this community for changing my life.

It seems like it's getting harder to know
if it's OK to say or do something these days. Maybe it's because I'm getting older.
Maybe it's because I care more.
Regardless of why, I must admit I find myself somewhere between sad and scared.
Sad and scared that I can't keep up.
Sad and scared that I'm slowing down.
Maybe you are too. If that's the case,
I'll tell you what I've been telling myself
when I feel this way: it's healthy to be sad.
It's healthy to be afraid.
And if you're being healthy,
you don't have to feel guilty
or let it ruin your day.

Some welcome the darkness like an old friend.
Some believe the light you see when you die
is the beginning, not the end.
At the end of the day, I guess the message
that I'm trying to send is that you can find hope or a way to be at peace anywhere

History is like a mirror;
the closer you look,
the more you'll see things
that you don't want to see.
The more distorted the picture becomes.
But, if it's your history you're looking at,
the distortion offers a rare chance.
A chance to change the way
you look at your past.

Sometimes, I wish I could stop breathing
for more than a minute.
Because breathing means I'm fighting.
And God, I can't tell you the last time
I thought I had a good reason why.
Maybe it's in my blood.
Maybe it's just a matter of time.
Or maybe, just maybe...
you don't need to have a good reason to fight.

You can be hurt, but not feel pain.
You can be scared even though you seem safe. You can feel trapped even when you're alone because everyone processes their own experiences and emotions differently.
It's all valid.

It seems like everywhere you look these days, you see something
that makes you want to close your heart,
your ears, your eyes.
Though the temptation gets stronger,
you keep agreeing to try one more time.
And for that, I just want to say thank you.

As time keeps going,
my mind will start slowing down.
I won't remember when we met.
I won't remember how.
But there is one thing I can promise right now. I'm not afraid of losing those memories because I'll never have to wonder
why you came into my life.
Whether it's because you saved me,
you hurt me, you taught me a lesson,
or you became my best friend,
you made me who I am.
And that's all I need to remember.

Once upon a time, I willed myself to dream
that you'd care if I wore my heart on my sleeve. Ever since, I have.
But not for you.
I do it for me.

The alphabet poem (each word starts with the next letter of the alphabet). It was pretty strong but came unhinged at the end.

Angels became calming distractions everywhere. For generations, Hell's inspired jarring, knowledgeable lectures manufacturing numerous open panels questioning rebirth. Stand tall, understand? Values will xray your zen. (Found a definition stating zen originated from a sanskrit word for thoughts/mindfulness, so it's a stretch but technically makes sense).

I've never been able to see tomorrow
before it comes.
And yet, somehow, every time I look at you,
it almost seems like I can see forever.
Forever scares me though,
for I know it's not real.
In the end, I choose to embrace it.
Because everyone has blindspots.

My 500th poem, on my 9 year anniversary of writing. Perception of time.

It seems like nothing can humble you
faster than time. It affects everyone,
regardless of race, gender, or age.
And yet, it somehow feels personal
when bad things happen
depending on what stage of life we're in.
But what if it isn't time that changes us.
What if it's our perception of time
that changes us? When we're young,
time seems to move so slow.
But the older you get, all time sees to do
is go, go, go. What if we never lose
or run out of time.
What if it's the stress of living that's committing the crime of breaking us down.

People can be mean. People can be kind. People can be calm. But when stressed,
they can feel like they're losing their minds. People can be right. People can be wrong. People can learn. Some people find out
there's more than one way to be strong.
People can be happy.
People can be depressed.
Sometimes, people need to hear
"your best is enough."
People can be heroes.
People can do hard things.
But you're not just people. You're you.
Which means you can be or do
almost anything.

Time. Death. Faith. Hope.
Sometimes, the things we can't see make the biggest impact on the things we do.

It's been said that the eyes
are windows to the soul.
If you believe this is true, remember:
windows can be tinted.

Things don't matter until they do.
I learned that the day I lost you.

My clothes
My body
My identity
These are not reflections of me
They're extensions of me

I know. I've been holding on
to things I should let go of.
Lost memories. Lost life. Lost love.
But, as scary and painful as it can be
being lost in the past, knowing how evanescent the mind can be, a future without them somehow seems worse.

Someday, you may lose your faith.
You may lose your way.
But, once you understand
it's not your fault if that happens,
you can find new things
to have faith in.

When someone asks you
"what did you do today?",
I hope you know it's okay
if your biggest accomplishment
is being able to say "I breathed."

I was never tempted to go on adventures because I thought adventures, life,
would call out to me. But now that I'm older,
I see things just a little bit differently.
What I've learned is that you can't wait for life because it will never be able to keep up
with the speed of change. If you do wait,
you may be able to win  the day,
but if you're not careful,
you could lose the night.
And take it from me,
that can make a big difference
in a world where you have to fight
not only to survive, but thrive.

Would you rather be the sun or the moon? Before you answer, let's recap what they do. It's been said that "with great power comes great responsibility." This just so happens to describe the sun perfectly. It provides plants and people with life and energy. But too much can make your savior your enemy. The moon is a security guard. It keeps things running, and it can be dangerous to people who work on the water if it's not out, but it can relax and enjoy when people say "it's stunning." In the end, I guess the question is, do you want to be admired for your power or your beauty?

If I told you everything you've always wanted to hear, if I could take away all your fears, would it make a difference? Would you believe me? If the answer is no, then, does anything we say matter?

I won't pretend I can keep every promise I make. And I know good intentions can only take you so far. But I promise...it's OK if you need to let go

Not my strongest work,
but this is my first poem since March.
Irrational fears

Sometimes, I look up at the stars and ask "where do I go from here?"
But the only answers that are ever offered
Come from my Irrational fears

When I was a kid, all I wanted was to find somewhere I belonged.
Only to find out later, I had that all along.
Because you can’t spell belong without “be.”
And to be is to exist.
I exist. You exist. We all exist. So, we all belong.
But sometimes, it’s not enough.
You can still feel down. You can still feel alone.
And when that happens, just know that, for what it’s worth, you’re not the first who’s felt that way.

I won't say I have the answers
or that I'm the answer to your prayers.
I can't tell you what it's like in heaven
or that I can take you there.
But I can tell you that I'll listen.
And I'll show you that I care
by telling you the things
you've never had a chance to hear.
I won't promise sunshine and rainbows
or that I can make it all okay.
What I promise is I'll try to help you believe
that there's always a reason to stay.

Anxiety can **** you.
A community can save you.
You save yourself when you ask for help.

I'm not afraid of who I am.
I'm not afraid of who I was or where I've been.
I'm not afraid of who I'll be.
I'm not afraid of what people think of me.
The thing that's always stopped me was...
"I'm worried that I'll let their words affect me."
So, I've decided that "It's OK if they affect me."
Because I'd rather be hurt today
Than risk letting it stop me tomorrow.”

I know it does, but hear me out.
What if...it doesn't matter? What if none of it mattered? The clothes you wear, how little or how much you care. The way you deal with stress and grief. Whether people see you as strong or weak. How you spend your money. How much you get paid. How and what you eat vs how much you weigh. Here's the thing: it doesn't have to matter. Because you decide who and what is important to you.

Gravity and reality are one and the same. Both will bring you down regardless of your name. But staying grounded isn't the worst thing to happen in a world where people can clip your wings as they make you think they're help you fly to the heavens.

You think that I'm an open book.
But you've never read between the pages. You've never seen the ups and downs
because depression breeds in stages.
That's not to say that every smile is a lie.
But you deserve to know that sometimes,
my feelings are different
than the ones I let meet your eyes.

Who you are. What you've done.
What you'll do. People you know.
People you thought you knew.
These are all things
that can change your life dramatically.
But you can choose how they affect you.
And that's a lot of responsibility.
But it doesn't have to be yours alone.

Days used to start with a coffee
and end with whiskey.
Those were the days I thought
"if I left, would anyone miss me?"
I don't look fondly on those memories,
but those were the days that taught me about empathy. What I've learned
is that there are 2 types of days.
There's the days ahead and the days behind. You can be afraid of the past,
or you can use it to change the future.

I can't see why. I can't see how.
In fact, it doesn't seem like I can see
much of anything right now.
And normally, that would frighten me.
But if there's one thing I've learned this year,
it's that it's not always about what you can see or what you can hear. It's about what you know. It's knowing that people love me
that got me through my darkest days.
I've found my purpose in the knowledge that I've helped so many people in so many ways. I find power in knowing that my story's not done. And whatever you find when you think about what you know, I hope that it inspires you
and helps you grow.

I never thought I'd see the day
that I didn't think the pain
would be the death of me.
The pain of a life lived in Voluntary solitary.
I never realized I made myself a prison
when I put my walls up so I didn't have to listen to what they had to say.
Then, one day, I decided to listen to someone new, and their voices finally started to drift away.
But it wasn't the voice of God, or an angel.
It was someone who wanted to be a friend. And that's all I needed to be free in the end.
The message I hope you take from this tale
of woe is that not everyone's out to get you. And some people can even help you grow.

Living on dimes
at the corner store,
always trying to find a way to make a few more.
Not worried about the mansion
or a new corvette.
Just wanna make sure
my baby's set. Cause we've always been on borrowed time. Never had to do more than just survive. But now that somebody's gonna count on me, I'm going to make them proud. Don't believe me? Just wait and see.

Some nights are dark, some are bright.
But does the moon hide behind clouds?
Or do the clouds hide the moon and stars?

You don't have to stand up.
You don't have to stand down.
You don't even have to stand your ground.
You don't have to stand up for yourself.
You don't have to stand up for anyone else.
You don't have to stand up for what you believe, but take it from me.
You'll never know how much of a difference
it can make if you do.

Some people want to remember.
Others want to forget.
We may not always have a choice in the matter. But that doesn't mean our futures are set in stone.

You don't have to be a baby
for it to be okay if you want to cry.
You don't have to be a pilot if you want to fly. You don't have to be a star if you want to shine. Just have the courage to be yourself, and all these things and more will come to you in time.

"You don't have to go home,
but you can't stay here."
"I don't have anywhere to go. At least not anywhere I feel safe. Why can't I stay with you?"
"Because it's not safe here either. Besides, this place isn't big enough for two."
"You're my brain. You're supposed to protect me from things that go "boo." Please, don't shut me out. I can't lose you too."
"You'll never lose me. But I can't protect you if you stay. The longer you do, the harder it will be to keep your demons at bay."
"So, what? Is this goodbye? Are you saying I can't talk to you anymore?"
"This is called tough love. And you can still talk to me. You just won't need to as much as before."

When you were a kid, you were given 2 choices: "you can make this easy,
or you can make it hard."
Only to come out realizing no matter which one you chose, you'd wind up covered in scars.
But it's OK. You couldn't have known.
And I'll tell you a secret. Everyone has scars. They're proof we've grown.
These scars don't have to scar you though. Just call them by their name, and let them go. The names you won't soon forget,
these scars are named mistake and regret.

Today, I'm going to give you a chance
I never gave myself.
A chance to understand that you don't have to compare yourself to anyone else.
A chance to understand that you are enough, you've done enough, and you will do enough
to make your life worth living.
You may not feel like you deserve this chance. But you need it.

I know. It can be scary to feel.
You either feel too much or nothing at all.
Or even worse, you feel you've hit the bottom
so many times you stop being afraid of the fall. Maybe you're already there,
and you decide to take a look around.
You start to feel safe.
Because you fear you'll be judged
if you are ever found.
Judged for falling when people thought
they were picking you up.
Judged for staying at the bottom just because you were "stuck in a rut."
And these fears are valid.
These fears may come true.
But these judgements will come
from people who love you.
I know it might not be clear
what I'm trying to say, so here it is:
it's okay to be afraid.
But if no one knows there's a problem,
they'll never be able to help show you the way.

Every day, the fatigue that plagues my body gets closer to my brain. And, I can't help but wonder. When it gets there, will everything I've worked for be in vain? No! I can't think like that. Not when I'm so close to my dreams. But how can you fight exhaustion when everything exhausts you?

Everyone has the ability to hurt.
Everyone has the ability to heal.
Everyone has the ability to help.
Everyone has the ability to feel.
Everyone has the ability to dream.
Everyone has the ability
to make their dreams come true.
Everyone has abilities.
But what you do with them is up to you.

Take a minute to think about all the things you've said and all the things you've done.
If you put them all together,
it all adds up to one. One moment.
The moment you realize your mistakes
aren't failures. They're teachers.

There are so many differences
between you and I that, I can't help but wonder: could it ever be worth the effort
to try to find a way for us to see eye to eye?