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"Your dad wouldn't have killed himself if he didn't think you could handle it. "

*"I can handle a lot of things. I could handle being burned with gasoline and matches, but it would sure as **** hurt like hell."
 Jan 2017 Zach Lubline
Shiny Star
A bright, blinding light glows
Above me with brilliance,
Contrasting the ambiance.
My eyes are fixed on the hospital room's ceiling,
While my ****** expressions change.
I see instruments used on me.
I let wave after wave of pain
Wash through me
And wait for the agony to subdue.
Sadly, hitherto, there is no distraction of any kind
That makes me forget the unbearable pain.
At the moment of utter helplessness,
The lines of my poem
Come to my rescue,
The words slowly taking birth,
Take my mind off agony.
I think of ways to describe
The hell I’m going through,
Knowing only too well
That I might not be the best person
To paint the picture.
Yet, here is my attempt!
I have the mad desire,
Raging through me,
To somehow leave my body,
Take my soul with me
And run away from the room.
I just wish I had the powers of Doctor Strange,
So I could escape into another realm,
Where I can have peace,
Where there is no pain.
Lying down there,
I secretly wish for death to take me,
Which I believe is sweeter
Than the inescapable torture
I face as a patient.
But that would make me selfish,
For I would leave my people,
The people who love me,
With a void that cannot be filled.
So, I wait patiently for my term
As a patient to come to an end.
And while I wait for the end,
I am writing this.
 Jan 2017 Zach Lubline
Monica
Forgive me Father, for I have sinned.
It seems the morality of the world has thinned,
and it's hard for me to differentiate
how to be good, and how to be great.

There's so much bad stuff swirling around,
and unfortunately, as I have found,
it's so easy to get swept up by society,
and so easy to be remiss in one's piety.

I long to be a better person.
I don't want to just worsen and worsen.
Can you help me be a saint?
Make me in your image, the way only an artist can paint.

I just need your guidance and your aid,
I need to have more confidence in the me that you made.
Because if I stare really hard right into a mirror,
There's a person I'm becoming, and frankly, I fear her.

Help me to be in the world and not of it.
Help me to embrace my true self and love it.
And in the face of the world's ignorant braying,
help me to just keep on loving and praying.
 Jan 2017 Zach Lubline
Lunar
Mahal na mahal kita
kahit ilang tula na naisulat ko
o ilang tala nasa langit
di sila papantay
sa pagmamahal ko sayo

*eng trans:
i love you so much
even with the number of poems i've written
or with the number of stars in heaven
they can never equate
to the love i have for you
para kay wjh / for wjh
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