I remember love
I remember it tasted like sugar
But as I look back it tastes bitter
And the more I think of
All the sensual dances are now satanic slithers
 Nov 2017 yuki motokane
I like it when you hold me
and pout your lips, smiling a little bit
and you look in my eyes
before stealing a kiss on my nose

It gives me butterflies
that leap and soar
because I'm so in love with you

I like the way you think
how you're thoughtful and measured
how you listen and remember
how you always try to do the right thing

It makes me feel safe
and grounded and at home
and so in love with you

I like every moment I spend with you
and I'm eager for more
how many years
does it take to see
the More you have
the less you're free
the other way around
is what you'd think it'd be
the More you have
the less you need
but what you need
isn't always what you have
as we all could do
with a little less
and the less you have
the More you know
it's easier
to let it go

...and when you find that
the less that you'll want
I hate myself: boring, rude,
stupid, perpetually at war,
and repulsive in the nude.
It's not because I'd wish for
us to be as we once were,
nor for any luxury that I lack-
I hate myself because I love her,
and she doesn't love me back.
i want to live
that's a lie
i want to die
it doesn't matter
the pain i feel
has become too real
the brightness in my life
has quickly gone away
the darkness
overcame me
the love in my life
slipped through my fingers
the sadness
took over
the light
 Nov 2017 yuki motokane
Crushed flowers are beautiful,
dried, pressed
not useful but certainly nice to look at
My sister affectionately called me a 'delicate little flower' one of the many times you made me break down, crushed from false accusation
until i eventually dried up
pressed myself until the pain no longer hurt.
I wondered why i had become such a fragile thing
shouldn't heartbreak build you up, a learning experience rather than reducing you to a few petals and a stem.
i feel more like a tree
green and great during the warm summer months
unaware of the freezing winter winds that will blow away all my protective leaves. barren. cold.
i hope someday i will become evergreen
beautiful, tall, luscious and full- pine or cedar or spruce
staying fragrant all year round

but for now i remain a daisy
nothing special
dried, pressed and crushed between these pages, within these words.
wrote this after my biology exam today
 Nov 2017 yuki motokane
do i want a man so soft and sweet
an acoustic melody
do i want a man so beautiful and unavailable
a shinny nickel

where a nickel will corrode but the value stays the same
the melody transcends life
 Nov 2017 yuki motokane
ever since we stopped
I wake up every morning
eyes fly open, feel in shock
hand grasps for the phone.

even though I know there is
nothing I could read that would
fix us or you or me,

I'm still crushed you didn't write.
why do I keep doing this to me.
 Nov 2017 yuki motokane

It has always been like this
He is my friend
Has been since fourteen
And whenever we hang out
He leads me into my room
A place of solitude
Where it is just me and him
Every session leaves me with crimson lines across my flesh
But he does not leave afterwards
He does not feed me lies
Or trick me with pseudo scenarios of how things can improve
He gives me the blunt words I need
Proof of my failures written on my skin
Yet, he is oddly comforting
In a way most cannot understand
My friends say I should cut our ties
Break the friendship and ignore him
But I have no will to
Because once they realize I am not worth their time
He will not leave me behind
I will still be his first priority
Now, and forever
While all he ever asks in return
Is a few scars on my skin
I’m a poet whose imagination’s died,
a galaxy whose sun’s ceased to shine.
Pray for me, for I am lost.
The builder didn’t count the cost.

Laid in a tomb behind a stone,
swallowed by a fish in the deep unknown,
I’m waiting for my day to come
when you make me speak
like you healed the dumb.

Call my name and there I’ll come.
Loose me and I’ll freely run.
I’m just waiting for your hand
to pull me on the sea again.

There I’ll see you in the light,
the water’s calmed and the moon is bright.
Little, yes, my faith may be,
but I’ll try again, just wait and see.
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