scotch and my self slouched on the couch
scotch and my self adrift in mental aether
islets of existence bubble on liquored eddies upward
as I meander through being

stay seated with me o' psyche of mine
stay sated with me ambition of mine
stay your acidic drivings esteem of mine
stay your laced dirge contempt of mine

and just be scotch and me
regally languid howsoever I sit
my seat is then throne for I upon
amber emperor embarking on omniscience

I'm sorry that it took loss to galvanize me
I'm sorry that it had to hurt so
and I'm sorry that I had to rip you to shreds to make me whole

I'm sorry that it's your memory and not you that keeps me going
that I'm only who I am because of who I failed to be in the past

and I'm sorry that I'm not quite there yet.
That I stagnate in mediocrity
that I don't drive myself every day
that I'm always in some frame of a film on loop
of me stumbling and falling and getting up
running two steps
to fall again

I would say I am plagued by inadequacy if I wasn't already ****** to melodrama
and I would say I'm glad you're alright if I wasn't already ****** to inarticulacy
but all I can say is that I'm burning every bit of life I can to be the way I think I should be for you
and saying I'm sorry is part of that
but gritting adamance more so.

your memory is screaming at me today
so I'm putting bits and pieces of myself towards that light in the distance
if all I can be is more than I was yesterday that's enough

syncopate a sentence succinctly
take that thought and
slice and serrate across lines
synth steady and stolid syntax
stitch surrealism to sanity symphonically
scatter sadness, sow sunny spirit
slather language with excess
dole diction in dearth
depose dialectical dogma
dredge dreary dreams and not so drearies
foment formidably
froth and fracture finalities
syllogise spectacular speculation
simplify abtruse abnormalities
whet words wonderfully

you made black look gold
as the pitch curtains cascade and luster
light that shouldn't gleams onyx shimmer
sheens and glimmer angles manifold
you made black be sunlight
scattering shade ensconed dapples
soft embrasure slowly enamors
black is context airily laid
i love the black that reminds me of velvet
the black that echoes of a heavy blanket falling
the black of warm silences between words
but also the black regal sharpness that demands worship
but also the black night sky that beckons eternity
you make black radiant

so you're an e-girl
havin fun online girl
patreon subscribe girl
premium snapchat girl
I'm that white knight
asking you for nudes type
saying I'll treat you right
crying about Chad type
I'm the niiiiiice guy

Shanghai heartbeats human with tumbling turning tiny vessels
it's unbridled chaotic transient transforms envisioned
it's growth and growth irreverent and growth
it's powerful it's frightening it's discordant, it's magnificent

London thrums an overabundance plant bloom on stone crag
ancient, munificent, and sublimely regal it demands
attention, respect, awe and provides plenty justifications
there is an atmosphere I find here where my words fail

Tokyo I find harmonic in its essence,
thrumming and bustling in true city fashion,
yet pocked thoroughly with havens of solace
the quaints and the quicks sprawled out in unity

New York is The City as all other cities are
and it is a cornucopia of cornucopias
as the empirical standard stands tall
densely upwards densely broad ways

Seattle dours in my beloved gloom
spackling stupendous summers in between
gray months incredible
the elements arrive in a conglomerate here

my jumbled bumbles stumble forwards
I fumble, crumble, mumble at a loss for words
help me, I can't even utter two words
you are the culmination I want to walk towards

twice - nice, thrice, and then four - more more more
life is a dice roll, adore, adore, adore

I am the clumsy inept writer
Stringing iamb into iamb hoping to find out what I am
monitor glow and a news feed to keep me out of focus
poor routines and bad basics to make me nervous

So I fumble, stumble, and crumble. Stop.
I mumble and bumble in jumbles. Steady.
Pick it up: one word, two words, three, then forwards