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 Jul 2018 youleftme
Ashley Browne
dad left
for his second tour of duty
on my third birthday

mom kept
a jar full of jelly beans
on the living room coffee table

every night
she gave me one to eat, saying
"when these jelly beans
are all eaten up,
dad will come back home"

sometimes
i would sneak another,
to help dad come home sooner

one night
the phone rang
and i watched mom
wipe away a tear
as she filled
the jar
back
up
On this Remembrance Day, I think of all those who have served, with a special thought for Dad.  And though she has no medals, I also think of Mom; every tour of duty Dad went through, she went through too, taking care of us on her own.

*** Edit: Thank you for all your kind words!  Due to a recent outpouring of sympathy, I feel it necessary to clear up the fact that my dad did in fact make it home from this mission; his tour had simply been extended for an additional 3 months.  Still, it isn't easy being part of a military family - and that's what I meant to show. ***
 Jul 2018 youleftme
Andrew Durst
They try to silence me
when my passion sings
for I am not like you
caged birds
with clipped wings.

I have crawled,
walked,
ran
and taken flight.

So it will take
more than
a wish
to end me
tonight.
-Andrew Durst.
the smell before it rains and the taste of that first sip of tea in -20 degrees

the slow untangling of your thoughts with every beat of the drum, the way the wind blows right through you just enough to move you forward and never enough to blow you down

the sound of typing fingers when you know you're onto something good, the feeling of your own, and finally not his, skin

the seasons are changing and baby so are you / six senses are helping you develop into someone new
enjoy the little things, because those tend to leave the quickest
 Jun 2018 youleftme
Sara
Powercut
 Jun 2018 youleftme
Sara
I'm told I'm bad at lying,
all too often I say too much.
When I get sick of trying
I find I flick from on to off.

The warmest smile can quickly turn
into an icy state;
in eyes which swore they knew you
-you will find there's no one there.

I'd love just like a waterfall
with no fear of running out;
'til from my eyes water would fall
like raindrops in a drought.

Now, the most inclusive laughter
slows right down to a flickering glance.
Fuses cut short
after weathering storms
and we dont know
how long
they will last.
writer's rough patch
I want to dig out this beating heart
with my palm and dig my fingernails into it,
squeezing till its unrecognisable,
and see blood overflowing on my skin,
the contrast of the thick red liquid against paleness,
and feel the physical sensation it'd cause,
a painful kind of release,
of a different kind of ecstasy.
Sometimes, when things go wrong, crawling into a hole doesn't seem enough. Anger, anger at self can be such an ugly feeling.
 Jun 2018 youleftme
The Whisper
Visualize me,
With clenched teeth and balled up fists.
Get the **** away.
I am going to snap.
 Jun 2018 youleftme
sofia
prey
 Jun 2018 youleftme
sofia
i cannot make my anger beautiful.
or my pain sweet.
i refuse to make this easier to swallow.
i am not yours  to consume.
 Jun 2018 youleftme
y
Not my fault
 Jun 2018 youleftme
y
I don't think about him or the fear he ignited in me but when I see his face
Why do I have to keep seeing your face?
Every feeling comes back
Fear
Self blame
Confusion
I feel so small
Your eyes and mouth were enough to push me into a dark abyss
I have the need to cover my skin
Like if it's my responsibility to make sure my body doesn't provoke you
I have the need to hide who I truly am
Like it's my responsibility to make sure my personality doesn't provoke you
I know it's not my fault but can you blame me?
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