stop*

just stop

i don't know why
  but i can't stop thinking about him

it's like i'm sinking in a never ending
   ocean of thoughts about him

am i sick or something?
i wish i had a lever to pull in my mind

so i can stop thinking about him
  and how he's so kind

and lovely

and amazing

and perfect

and funny

and rad

but to me that's bad
  because if i get too attached
    i'll soon be hurt and sad.

slow down                                                                                                      
something i’m not good at lately                                                        
i’d rather not                                                                                                      


yes i’m caught
yackety ******* a paralyzing something
avalanching from mouths
(our only exercise of the day)
too hateful
to be called
wor-


the gorgeous ambiguity of oxblood                                                              

i almost forgot
my love
for discussion

but when your insides break                                            
and people    well they                                                    
can’t see internal bleeding                                              
yes, i’m sure you can all relate     like that one time      you didn’t get lead  and he shared his blunt with the miniskirt        instead of you.


but when the air                                                  
quite literally escapes you                                        
and you don’t have a moment to                                  
reach out      and scream from the pain       fight                          

fight like hell for someone else’s life                            
stop the bleeding you can’t see                                
before it floods the brain                                        
and drowns his nervous system                                


and you leave him
terrified                      
you were too late.