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Kim M Feb 2016
Stood before a man with no face
He said to me
"Please don't make this any harder"

"Who the **** is you?"

"My child I'm your father"

"I only got one dad!"

"Is that a fact to you? He left you when you was young I brought him back to you
Youre real close to heaven, few get to step in
Now tell me what you've done to deserve to be let in?"

"Look I'm far from a Christian, not big on religion
But ain't done too much wrong my entire time living
Never killed never tried too tho I been lied to
Was once suicidal never read the Bible
I always been a care taker tried to nurse people
At times it back fired hurt people hurt people
Plus I never use your name in vain
But you should know everything I'm being asked to explain"

"I know you stole from your mothers purse"

"You can't count that, that was way back when!"

"It's still a sin"

"But I was ten!"

"You robbed people, stole"

"Yeah and YOU made me see jail!"

"But I also seen you lay your hands on a female
Sold drugs to parents none of that was needed
Abandoned your child, on every girl you cheated
Done wrong to people that only want the best for you
Any time you thought you were alone I was next to you"

"When it came to baby moms GOD you gave me the worse one!"

"But that was your second child Joe, you shouldn't killed the first one"

"I ain't have a job ain't have a *** to **** in"

"Look I gave you a gift and you made the wrong decision
Held onto resentments even in doing business
I lead by example, I teach forgiveness your entry can not be Gur-an-teed
Not when you live with anger, envy, greed
Pride, sloth, lust even gluttony
Everything you shouldn't if you woulda joined my covenant"

"Look I'm only human I ain't perfect"

"That I understand. When I take you out a jam
You don't even think to worship, and when you do
You never talk about what you can do for me its what I can do for you?
I blessed you with health, family and wealth
With all the blessings you received you still always want help"

"Yeah there's been times in my life I needed help to make money
But why everything I love you manage to take from me?
Yet you stand there an question a ***** that tries hard
And finds a way when you keep dealing them ****** up cards!
You make mistakes like me far as I can see
I think its a mockery whenever rich ****** win the lottery
Gave us Bush twice God I hate to be rude
But you let skinny ****** starve give obese ****** food
THE NERVE of you telling me I don't deserve to stay here
When you gave us drugs and guns you put AIDS here!
Take a look at you, your actions are cold hearted
The harsh **** is you bring babies in the world *******
I know most my actions put me in a cell
But how you mad at me when you put me into hell"

"See my child you need gratitude, maybe just a sample
I never give a person anything they can't handle
Don't tell me about everything you had to go through
There's reasons for my actions even if I never showed you
Kept trying with you all you did was hurt me
Still gave you chances to prove that you was worthy
And so I sat with you on a train I asked you for change
You kept calling me names. Prolly didn't notice
I was the store clerk, you put the gun to me get money for more work
My child I know you have it in you to indeed stop
This is not your final calling just a brief stop
Hope you heed my words and understand
So when I see you back you should be a better man
Look at life different the next time we see each other
There be no need for talk whenever we meet each other"
Kim M Jul 2014
I don’t think you need to be cold and buried underground to be considered dead. I don’t think the day your mother gives birth to you and you take your first breath of fresh air is the day you become alive. I think you can walk around, numb and detached and bored and lifeless, always searching for something, anything to make you feel or become alive. I think I’m trying so hard to feel something, excited, enlightened, inspired, motivated, passion, deep raw love, or even that heat coursing through your veins kind of anger, anything really. I think I want to feel something so badly that I pursued fake friends, pushed myself into relationships or meaningless flings with boys I thought were special and who were wrong for me. I think that I used alcohol and drugs or any kind of poison to make my body, feel or taste anything artificial that only lasted for a few hours.. but it was better than feeling nothing, ever. I think getting high or completely wasted was all I could get close to actually feeling anything. I think I tried so hard to make myself believe I felt or loved or cared about people. The truth is I don’t. I imprisoned myself and only let people see a mere glimpse of the person I was and who I wanted to be. I think I shut off all emotions and removed myself from real life, and thats why no one really knows me now. I don’t think anyone truly knows my deep thoughts, opinions, feelings about anything. I don’t think anyone knows my true intellect or hobbies or dreams or evils or hopes, pains. I think its honestly sad that people think that I care if they leave my life and never speak to me again. I think it’s sad on how bad I want to care but don’t as much as I should. I think it’s weird that I am just a walking corpse and that I have attachments to a lot of past memories and people and places that are currently making up my teen years. I think all of who I am is just a dead weight of decaying bones and I think my real self is trapped in this decaying body, and that once I escape all of the memories and future things will be buried with it, like someone else’s old life. I think its even worse that people think they know me, that they know whats going on in my head, but I am at war with myself everyday. Recently, I let someone in, it meant a lot to me for someone to actually know me, and to be known by them, inside and out. It’s incredibly hard to let someone in that close to you, and it irritates me. I think the day you met the love of your life, soulmate you start to feel things, you start to feel so incredibly much more than you ever thought humanly possible. That you think its so much emotion that you will eventually get ill, the good kind of ill. That you also feel scared and horrified that someone is actually sweeping through tiny cracks of the walls you put around your heart for so long. I personally think it will hurt more, physically to feel them crumble down. I think it’s mind blowing that because of one day, and one person that someone can feel human. I think that’s why people say they can’t live without someone, because you were never even living before you met them. How can you really live without someone that literally brought you to life?

— The End —