People ask if i am a ******
I say yes, i am waiting for marriage
I hear "good for you"
or "dude you gotta get laid"
still, a part of me doesn't believe what i say
Everyone has there Thorn?
i mean who hasn't looked at ****
but where does it stop
I have Never had ***
but i had a sick addiction
Filled by this simple prescription
Every night i ****** that ******* the little screen that taught me she was merely a possesion
I Just typed in those 3 letters
and it became an obsession
A black hole
Ripping apart time and space
Not even light would escape
And the only thing that mattered
Was me
Me, and that thing on the screen who nobody wanted to be
An object
Like a silly little toy
For those ****** up little boys
Who after batting you around
And shoving you in the ground
Just cram you back in that chest at the end of there bed
Like a ratty stuffed bear
No Love, No soft touch, no sweet embrace
I didn't even have to care
Why would I?
How could I?
You were just a wave of photons collapsing in my eye
to come and go as i pleased
projected from that ***** little screen
You were just a *****
to me
and not anything more.
In a place where i was supposed to have the deepest most intense connection
I would replicate with meaningless, emotionless self satisfaction
i would sow seeds of my own destruction every time i opened that link
where i was made to feel love and joy, i would only sink
becoming tangled in emptiness, i was lost, i was dying
like a bird drowning in a sea of stone
where no one would think to find me
No light would be shed on this pathetic part of my life
A life of darkness in that room where my face glows
and my pupils dilate
My fate slips from sight as i separate
Body from soul
I see myself Mindlessly staring at that dark light
It was a drug, My sick Addiction
I wasn't even trying to Fight
It consumed my Thoughts, took me from above
dissolving my capability to love
I tried to run
I didn't think
That without His hand
I will always sink
Back into that creaky chair
Where this beautiful creation of God, this person, this human being
Just becomes one of my daily rituals, self fulfilled
She becomes just a thing

In short, if i gave an honest answer, i am not a ******.

I'd like to part from you,
I'd want to forget you forever,
Yet you haunt me in the dark
You try to come near.

I don't understand you
Or what you want
Yet you leave me astounded
By the charisma that you flaunt!

Sometimes , you're as cold as the icy wind,
Biting on my skin..
Yet you are the same blanket ,
That keeps away the cold..

But now I'll treat you like a mere blush,
Which brings the transitory rose tint to the cheek,
Which when wiped off,
Doesn't bother to make you lovesick!

I want to work for mankind,
To lend a hand to the helpless and poor,
Who are neglected by the world
But want to live for sure.

I want to be water to the lips of the child,
Who's not had a single drop since the last twenty hours..
Alas! I cannot quench the unsatiable thirst,
Of the man who's drowning in a whirlpool of desires!

I want to be the cane to the old blind man
Who somehow makes both ends meet,
The one who is forsaken of the world,
Where his own sons are enjoying a feast!

Behind the mirrors in my head the ground was made of sand
But I could not get far enough to see beyond the land
So like a plant, the stem my feet, I grew what I could stand
And waited for the day to come when height would take command

For then my eyes could not create a  farce from lack of sight
And thus sustain reality to vilify the spite
Reflection I have come to know as that which carries light
But more than this, a filter for the things you choose to fight

But when you overcompensate for work you have not done
The angle made will redirect the shining of the sun
Distorted now, your vision claims to be the only one
Who kept up with the pace you set when you began to run

You forget
You forget that I've done this before.

I've stood in that spot sodden by tears,
Shivering in the snarling cold of loneliness
As my heart forgets how important it's supposed to be.

So you'll have to forgive me
For freezing solid
When I see that mirage of myself,
Stained in the hideous darkness of the past I've tried to forget.
You'll have to forgive me
For refusing to shed tears
Over the things that have already bled me dry.