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1.0k · Nov 2017
Explanations
Audrey Nov 2017
"how do i explain it to him"

the explanation will go over his head

you'll have to be bland and watery with your words

you'll say "i love you but i can't do this anymore"

he'll look expectantly at you

but all he'll understand is that you are giving up

not that he has emotionally beaten you to the ground

not that he will never be able to love you as much as you do him

and it will feel like a long f
                                                 a
                                                    l
                                                      l,
                                                        your adrenaline will frighten you

but what you must learn is that

love is give and receive

not give and give and give until you have nothing left

he won't understand that

he'll argue that you're just too demanding

but isn't that always his response?

to blame you?

Leave him and find yourself.
809 · Nov 2017
Flowers
Audrey Nov 2017
Do I live in your mind

Do I fester in your heart

Or has it gotten better with time?

I have grown without you

I'm now a tall sunflower in a field full of daisies

You'll always be a weevil to me

I hope one day you'll love someone as much as you do yourself
300 · Dec 2017
organically living
Audrey Dec 2017
some days the sun doesn't shine
and on these days i realize that i am a silhouette of a person
i realize that i am more lost than i think
on these days i just want to feel something, anything

on these days
i crave the touch of people who just want to use all of me up
i crave the high of things that can take my life
on these days i'm imploding like my subconscious wants

but other days the sun is so vibrant it burns to look at
and on these days i realize i have so much potential
i realize i'm still finding myself
on these days i feel happiness so pure

on these days
i crave the touch of someone who would make me feel wanted
i crave living life in sobriety
on these day i'm pushing through a sea of setbacks

but through all days life is still life
i still have plenty of sights to see
plenty of songs to listen to
plenty of kisses to steal
and plenty of moments that lead up to me becoming the best me
Look up, not down.
283 · Jan 2018
into the woods
Audrey Jan 2018
i came to you when it was all dark
and i thought you led me out of the woods
turns out you just took me deeper in,
left me,
and didn't even leave a bread trail

im not saying i miss you
(although i do)
you were just always there
not as a friend or lover
but as someone who would help me forget

in the beginning i told you and myself that this was temporary
no strings attached
but now we are stuck in a cats cradle
except youve cut the ties
and my subconscious is still flailing for the ropes that you dangle

the big question i guess im asking is
did you use me?
or did i use you?
because in the beginning i called the shots
but now im all used like a washed up disney channel star
217 · Feb 2018
typing out loud
Audrey Feb 2018
i think i forgot my place in the universe
happiness is fleeting and i knew that once
so why do i chase after things that are finite?
why do i conquer and destroy everything in my path?

the world is supposed to be easy for the taking
but the world is taking me

i overdose on everything
i've never known when enough is enough
gluttony, lust, rage
the trifecta rule i always break

everyone is wrapped up in their own universe
struggling with their own problems

so why
do i
expect
someone
to
save
me
149 · Jan 2018
hopes
Audrey Jan 2018
i chase after boys dressed as men
cloaked in good looks and half smirks
they don't even have to be nice
all it takes is a look my way and i'm falling for them
these are the boys who use every ounce of girls like me up
they eat our souls and harvest our happiness
and then once we're drained of everything good and sunny
they leave for another star to ***** out
but for some reason i love these boys
and they sure as hell don't love me
139 · Dec 2017
life and other stuff
Audrey Dec 2017
One day after all of the words have left our lips
After our hands have stopped touching everything they can
After our noses breathe in every good and bad scent
After our ears have heard their last melody
There will be nothing left

No one will remember who you were
They won't remember what you could have done
What happened after
Or who you became because of it

So live every moment given to you
Forget about the minuscule things that keep you up at night
Leave behind the people who make you feel like you're less than them

We're all just passing through
No one dies with anything to carry out of the world
No one leaves an impression that will truly last forever
Which means no one is better than you

Find the love that the movies go on about
Live the dreams you thought would never come true
Listen to that one song that you scream to with your windows rolled down
Stop thinking about doing it and ******* do it babe
Advice I wish I followed
137 · Dec 2017
just friends
Audrey Dec 2017
So you've met The One
You two are perfect for each other right?
So why are you still just friends?
Why is it only you stumbling to find common ground?
Holding conversations shouldn't be this hard
He looks through you while you look up from your knees
Dear God are you not enough
Even when you're giving him everything he only throws you scraps
130 · Feb 2018
the regrowth
Audrey Feb 2018
The sun is shining and in this field it's warm
But then I think of your eyes
How they were brown like dirt
And suddenly I'm thankful for the heated grass I'm lying on
It shields me from the regret
Of dirt brown eyes and hands fluid like water
Those hands were the unbecoming of me
But then again I can't blame you completely
I was the one who looked down at the dirt and saw you
Instead of staring at the sun ahead of me
I have healed though
I'm surrounded by green grass and enveloped in the sun
Perfect conditions for growth
117 · Mar 2018
what it's like to be stuck
Audrey Mar 2018
it's like falling
6 feet below
and  n o t  being able
to crawl out of the hole
you've dug yourself

it's like sleeping
for fifteen hours
and still not feeling
rested

it's like failing
all of your classes
because you can't focus
on anything let alone
this foreign math that no one
can teach you

it's like ******* random dudes
because you can't actually
get attached
and let's face it
the real reason why you can't is because
you like girls instead

keep covering up the fact
of how you aren't actually
okay
because no one ******* cares
anyway
42 · Dec 2018
To Broken Fathers
Audrey Dec 2018
Hello, it’s me again
It’s been awhile since I’ve heard from you
I’m sorry I said what I did
It’s just I don’t like to leave straight away
I liked your hands all over me
I wish you’d call me back
I’m sorry I don’t do one night stands
Do you like her more than me?
Is she what you fantasize about?
Give me just one more chance
I promise...you’ll like it


Hey.
This is important I need you to call me back
I just took a test...
I’m pregnant
Please call me back

Why do you always send me to voicemail?
Your daughter needs you in her life.
She’s about to start kindergarten.
I’m going to put her on the phone
Hi daddy!
I miss you
Can I come over this weekend?
I promise I won’t spill juice on your girlfriends carpet again
Just give me a chance!
I love you

Hi dad, it’s me
It’s my 16th birthday.
Are you not going to come?
I just wish you’d come around more
I know things aren’t the way you planned but I’m your daughter too
I just wish you’d treat me like your other one
Anyways I just wanted to remind you it was my birthday.
Call mom back so she stops freaking out


It’s your daughter’s graduation.
Are you not even going to show?
**** you!
For 18 years I’ve begged you to just stick around for the main parts
Why can’t you remember you have another daughter!


Hello dad.
I’m 28 now
I have my dream job
I’m engaged
And guess what?
I didn’t need anything from you.
I’ve waited around my whole life thinking I needed your validation
Turns out I can do it on my own
I’ve become so successful
And I’m proud to say I’m very strong
You taught me nothing
But I didn’t need to learn from you
I’m an amazing teacher
I’m stronger than you’ll ever be
This is the last time you’ll hear from me.

— The End —